Dancing Barefoot by Wil Wheaton

series. I
     am proud of the work I did on Next Generation . I cried when Spock died,
     and saw Star Trek IV in theaters six times.
    I failed to mention all that, however. Without that information, it can piss people off
     that I don’t have the same unconditional love for Star Trek that they do.
    I look at my watch, and I have ten minutes left to fill. I have nothing to lose, so I
     reach into my back pocket . . . and find it filled with material.
    â€œI have the limited edition Star Trek Monopoly game.” I say.
    â€œOf course, it’s a limited edition of 65 million . But it’s extremely
     valuable, because I got a number under 21 million.”
    They laugh. It’s funny, because it’s true.
    I go one better. “Plus, it’s got a certificate of authenticity signed by Captain
     Picard!
    â€œYes, that’s right, my Star Trek Monopoly game, which I’ve rendered worthless by opening,
     comes with a certificate of authenticity signed in ink by a fictional character.”
    I see a guy in the front row say something to his buddy, and they both nod their heads and
     laugh.
    â€œCool thing about the game, though, is that there is a Wesley Crusher game piece in it,
     and the first time we sat down to play it as a family, Ryan grabbed Wesley and proclaimed, as
     only an 11-year-old can, ‘I’m Wil!! I’m Wil!! Nolan!! I’m all-time Wil!! I call it!!’”
    I see some people smile. I start to pace the stage. I’m hitting my stride, and the stories
     flow out of me.
    â€œOne time, when we were renegotiating our contracts, we were all asking for raises.
    â€œWe all felt a salary increase was appropriate, because The Next
     Generation was a hit. It was making gobs of money for Paramount,” (I like that
     word – gobs ) “and we felt that we should share in that bounty.
    â€œOf course, Paramount felt otherwise, so a long and annoying negotiation process
     began.
    â€œDuring that process, the producers’ first counteroffer was that, in lieu of a raise, they
     would give my character a promotion, to lieutenant.”
    I pause, and look around. I wrinkle my brow, and gaze upward.
    â€œWhat? Were they serious?”
    A fan hollers, “Yeah! Lieutenant Crusher! Woo!”
    I smile back at him.
    â€œMy agent asked me what I wanted to do. I told him to call them back and remind them that Star Trek is just a television show.”
    Okay, that was risky to say. It’s pretty much the opposite of just a television show to
     these people, but I’ve gotten the audience back, and they giggle.
    â€œI imagined this phone call to the bank,” I mime a phone, and hold it to my ear. “Hi . . .
     Uh, I’m not going to be able to make my house payment this month, but don’t worry! I am a lieutenant now.” I pause, listening to the voice on the other
     end.
    â€œWhere? Oh, on the Starship Enterprise .”
    I pause.
    â€œ Enterprise D , yeah, the new one. Feel free to drop by Ten Forward
     for lunch someday. We’ll put it on my officer’s tab!”
    Laughter, and applause. My time is up, and Dave Scott stands at the foot of the stage,
     politely letting me know that it’s time for me to go.
    The fans see this, and I pretend to not notice him.
    â€œIn 2001, startrek.com set up a poll to find out what fans thought the best Star
     Trek episode of all time was. The competition encompassed all the series. The
     nominated episode from Classic Trek was City On The Edge Of
     Forever . The entry for The Next Generation was Best of Both Worlds Part II. DS9 offered Trials and
     Tribble-ations , and Voyager weighed in with Scorpion II .”
    As I name each show, various groups of people applaud and whistle, erasing any doubt as to
     what their favorite show is.
    â€œNow, look. I know that Star Trek is just a TV show. Matter of fact,
     I’m pretty sure I just said that five minutes ago, but there was no way I was going