series. I
am proud of the work I did on Next Generation . I cried when Spock died,
and saw Star Trek IV in theaters six times.
I failed to mention all that, however. Without that information, it can piss people off
that I donât have the same unconditional love for Star Trek that they do.
I look at my watch, and I have ten minutes left to fill. I have nothing to lose, so I
reach into my back pocket . . . and find it filled with material.
âI have the limited edition Star Trek Monopoly game.â I say.
âOf course, itâs a limited edition of 65 million . But itâs extremely
valuable, because I got a number under 21 million.â
They laugh. Itâs funny, because itâs true.
I go one better. âPlus, itâs got a certificate of authenticity signed by Captain
Picard!
âYes, thatâs right, my Star Trek Monopoly game, which Iâve rendered worthless by opening,
comes with a certificate of authenticity signed in ink by a fictional character.â
I see a guy in the front row say something to his buddy, and they both nod their heads and
laugh.
âCool thing about the game, though, is that there is a Wesley Crusher game piece in it,
and the first time we sat down to play it as a family, Ryan grabbed Wesley and proclaimed, as
only an 11-year-old can, âIâm Wil!! Iâm Wil!! Nolan!! Iâm all-time Wil!! I call it!!ââ
I see some people smile. I start to pace the stage. Iâm hitting my stride, and the stories
flow out of me.
âOne time, when we were renegotiating our contracts, we were all asking for raises.
âWe all felt a salary increase was appropriate, because The Next
Generation was a hit. It was making gobs of money for Paramount,â (I like that
word â gobs ) âand we felt that we should share in that bounty.
âOf course, Paramount felt otherwise, so a long and annoying negotiation process
began.
âDuring that process, the producersâ first counteroffer was that, in lieu of a raise, they
would give my character a promotion, to lieutenant.â
I pause, and look around. I wrinkle my brow, and gaze upward.
âWhat? Were they serious?â
A fan hollers, âYeah! Lieutenant Crusher! Woo!â
I smile back at him.
âMy agent asked me what I wanted to do. I told him to call them back and remind them that Star Trek is just a television show.â
Okay, that was risky to say. Itâs pretty much the opposite of just a television show to
these people, but Iâve gotten the audience back, and they giggle.
âI imagined this phone call to the bank,â I mime a phone, and hold it to my ear. âHi . . .
Uh, Iâm not going to be able to make my house payment this month, but donât worry! I am a lieutenant now.â I pause, listening to the voice on the other
end.
âWhere? Oh, on the Starship Enterprise .â
I pause.
â Enterprise D , yeah, the new one. Feel free to drop by Ten Forward
for lunch someday. Weâll put it on my officerâs tab!â
Laughter, and applause. My time is up, and Dave Scott stands at the foot of the stage,
politely letting me know that itâs time for me to go.
The fans see this, and I pretend to not notice him.
âIn 2001, startrek.com set up a poll to find out what fans thought the best Star
Trek episode of all time was. The competition encompassed all the series. The
nominated episode from Classic Trek was City On The Edge Of
Forever . The entry for The Next Generation was Best of Both Worlds Part II. DS9 offered Trials and
Tribble-ations , and Voyager weighed in with Scorpion II .â
As I name each show, various groups of people applaud and whistle, erasing any doubt as to
what their favorite show is.
âNow, look. I know that Star Trek is just a TV show. Matter of fact,
Iâm pretty sure I just said that five minutes ago, but there was no way I was going
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