Deep by Bates A.L. Page A

I let them do....” He shook his head. “I hated that life, really hated it.”
    “What happened back then is done. You’ve got a new life now,” Joel reminded him.
    “Have I? Because last time I checked I was letting David do whatever he wanted to me to stop him from threatening the ship.”
    A silence fell between them. It was heavy with Joel’s guilt and shame as much as Sean’s.
    “Do you want me to leave?” Sean finally said. “I won’t hold it against you. You’ve already done so much for me.”
    “Stop being an idiot; of course not,” Joel said.
    “But you must think I’m disgusting.”
    “I think you’re a pain in the ass. That you stress way too much about things that really don’t matter. I think you challenge my authority on a daily basis for no good reason. I think you’re the man who brought Selena back to life. I think you’re the man I come to when I’m hurt, or when I’m worried, or when I’m lonely. I think you worry too much about what we think about you, because we are all flawed and you don’t think anything bad about us.” Without thinking about it, he kissed Sean’s forehead.
    THE INTIMATE GESTURE caught Sean by surprise. He expected the captain to sit in stoic silence, not comfort him like this. “I’m not proud of what I did,” Sean said, trying to remind the captain of the type of things he’d done, in case he didn’t understand.
    “Don’t be. Be proud of the man you are instead. I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
    Joel’s wide brown eyes were staring at him without malice or disgust, or anything other than genuine affection. Sean couldn’t help himself. He leaned forward, his lips brushing Joel’s. When he met with no resistance, he deepened the kiss. Joel’s mouth opened. Sean groaned as the captain pulled him closer. He was breathless when Joel moved away.
    “I’m sorry,” Sean said, suddenly self-conscious. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
    “I guess I didn’t exactly push you away.” Joel ran a hand through his hair—his tell for being nervous.
    “At least now you can say you’ve tried.”
    Joel let out an awkward laugh. “I suppose I can at that.”
    Sean lowered his eyes. “Was it awful?”
    Joel sighed, as though he was slowly surrendering. “No, it wasn’t awful at all.” He tilted Sean’s head, and this time he took charge, pressing against Sean’s mouth. This kiss was softer and more intimate. Joel’s lips moved tentatively against Sean’s, and as he pulled back, he reached up to cup Sean’s face. The two men looked at each other. Sean waited to see flickers of panic or regret in Joel’s face. But there was only want. Joel parted his lips again, inviting Sean in for a third time.
    Accepting the invitation, Sean knelt forward, taking charge of the kiss. He slipped his hands around Joel’s broad shoulders and dove his tongue deeper into Joel’s mouth. The hesitancy was gone now. All that remained was lust and hunger. Joel grabbed his waist, and Sean moaned as his body pressed against the captain’s.
    Tilting his head back, Joel gasped for air. Sean seized the opportunity and began to move lower, running his tongue over Joel’s neck.
    “I’m not gay,” Joel said.
    The simple sentence was enough to stop Sean. He pulled away, suppressing his burning desire. “You want me to stop?”
    “No, I don’t. And that’s really freaking me out.” Joel brushed his fingertips through Sean’s hair. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Sean. I’ve never done this before. I’m really out of my depth.”
    Sean let out a little laugh. “It’s okay. We don’t have to do anything.”
    Joel trailed his fingers down to Sean’s cheek. “What if I want to do something?”
    Sean’s face lit up. “Then we do whatever you want.”
    Joel stopped his exploration. “You want this? I don’t want you trying to make me happy at your own expense.”
    “I learned my lesson—never lie to the captain. I want to, but we should go at your