tie me down with fish gut. I screeched so loud the roof nearly fell in.”
I didn’t really believe her, but it was kind to say so. So I lay down , on my stomach on the soft wet sand, with my eldest sister sitting beside me, stroking my face - and dreamt of a four legged human on my back, eating me from the outside in, till I became a dark mess, a placenta staining the sea. Then I was caught in a net and dragged onto the Big Dry – a place of unending sands, with no water as far as you could look, burning with heat and littered with the skins of mer. A human came to cut the net open with a big knife just like Grandmother’s. A human with dark blonde hair, like yours, and dark, narrow, human eyes, just like you. I woke up in a fright, and Dayang put both her arms around me, carefully so as not to touch the cuts, and held me close to her, just like Mother when I was tiny and she was still here.
Chapter 5
After I got my totem I was even more quarrelsome. Maybe, I thought, the spirits had given me some evil, curious creature from faraway to guide me, something that snapped all about itself and ate its own kind. Until they told me, I could do what I liked, and be what I liked. I liked nothing.
I even quarrelled with Che, and called him a stupid, useless cripple, when he tried to play the games we’d played before. I was too old now for those games, too angry. Even friendship seemed like a trap. Nothing was right, nothing had any point. Often, I swam alone into Deep Sea and came back in darkness, daring anyone to ask where I’d been. It was a kind of freedom, anyway – not that I enjoyed it. I hated it. I was in a dangerous, stubborn mood.
It didn’t go unnoticed. Casih tried to steer me away from the punishment that would be coming, if Father turned his yellow eyes my way.
“It’s not safe in Deep Sea by yourself. Stay here, where the pod can look after you. Grandmother says…”
“I hate Grandmother. I’m not going near the old hag anymore.”
Azura said, “If Father hears you’re not taking your turn he’ll beat you. Anyway why would you want to go out of the channels, there’s nothing there, just ocean and more ocean and more... It’s boring.”
“Maybe my totem lives in Deep Sea. Maybe she’s waiting for me there , how will I know if I don’t go out and look?”
Azura sniffed.
“More likely she’s under a rock somewhere, eating mud.”
I turned my back. I won’t listen to any of them, I thought. What do they know! Troubled, without knowing why, I let the tide take me out to the ocean side of our archipelago, where the surf growled and spat. Their grey quarrelling comforted me. When I reached dark green, I rolled over, lashing the sea with my tail to send sprays of clear water up towards the darkening sky. Soon I was tired out, and turned on my back, letting the swell lift me like a drifting gull. I let the current take me, and didn’t look back as the long sands sank towards the sun.
With the snarling of thunder, I opened my eyes on an angry sky. The water beneath me was as grey as my heart, the colour of stone and shark skin. The sea tipped and fell in on itself, and I let it throw me from wave to wave and drop me to the cloud dark depths between. I was glad that it seemed to be as furious as I was and with no better reason.
L ight ripped across the water, burning the sea blue white as it went, and then the sky crashed down on the ocean, a tearing, tumbling noise like the surf on coral, but louder. I pushed high, standing on my tail to look over the white clawed, storm-driven peaks and then swooping down into the black deep beneath. The waves in their fighting pushed me up and tossed me almost clear of the water, and leaping with them I felt strong and powerful as a great spirit, chief of the storm pod. This is where I belong, I told myself, in danger and struggle. I am mer, I’m not afraid of anything. And then it
I didn’t really believe her, but it was kind to say so. So I lay down , on my stomach on the soft wet sand, with my eldest sister sitting beside me, stroking my face - and dreamt of a four legged human on my back, eating me from the outside in, till I became a dark mess, a placenta staining the sea. Then I was caught in a net and dragged onto the Big Dry – a place of unending sands, with no water as far as you could look, burning with heat and littered with the skins of mer. A human came to cut the net open with a big knife just like Grandmother’s. A human with dark blonde hair, like yours, and dark, narrow, human eyes, just like you. I woke up in a fright, and Dayang put both her arms around me, carefully so as not to touch the cuts, and held me close to her, just like Mother when I was tiny and she was still here.
Chapter 5
After I got my totem I was even more quarrelsome. Maybe, I thought, the spirits had given me some evil, curious creature from faraway to guide me, something that snapped all about itself and ate its own kind. Until they told me, I could do what I liked, and be what I liked. I liked nothing.
I even quarrelled with Che, and called him a stupid, useless cripple, when he tried to play the games we’d played before. I was too old now for those games, too angry. Even friendship seemed like a trap. Nothing was right, nothing had any point. Often, I swam alone into Deep Sea and came back in darkness, daring anyone to ask where I’d been. It was a kind of freedom, anyway – not that I enjoyed it. I hated it. I was in a dangerous, stubborn mood.
It didn’t go unnoticed. Casih tried to steer me away from the punishment that would be coming, if Father turned his yellow eyes my way.
“It’s not safe in Deep Sea by yourself. Stay here, where the pod can look after you. Grandmother says…”
“I hate Grandmother. I’m not going near the old hag anymore.”
Azura said, “If Father hears you’re not taking your turn he’ll beat you. Anyway why would you want to go out of the channels, there’s nothing there, just ocean and more ocean and more... It’s boring.”
“Maybe my totem lives in Deep Sea. Maybe she’s waiting for me there , how will I know if I don’t go out and look?”
Azura sniffed.
“More likely she’s under a rock somewhere, eating mud.”
I turned my back. I won’t listen to any of them, I thought. What do they know! Troubled, without knowing why, I let the tide take me out to the ocean side of our archipelago, where the surf growled and spat. Their grey quarrelling comforted me. When I reached dark green, I rolled over, lashing the sea with my tail to send sprays of clear water up towards the darkening sky. Soon I was tired out, and turned on my back, letting the swell lift me like a drifting gull. I let the current take me, and didn’t look back as the long sands sank towards the sun.
With the snarling of thunder, I opened my eyes on an angry sky. The water beneath me was as grey as my heart, the colour of stone and shark skin. The sea tipped and fell in on itself, and I let it throw me from wave to wave and drop me to the cloud dark depths between. I was glad that it seemed to be as furious as I was and with no better reason.
L ight ripped across the water, burning the sea blue white as it went, and then the sky crashed down on the ocean, a tearing, tumbling noise like the surf on coral, but louder. I pushed high, standing on my tail to look over the white clawed, storm-driven peaks and then swooping down into the black deep beneath. The waves in their fighting pushed me up and tossed me almost clear of the water, and leaping with them I felt strong and powerful as a great spirit, chief of the storm pod. This is where I belong, I told myself, in danger and struggle. I am mer, I’m not afraid of anything. And then it
Similar Books
