Destroy All Cars

Destroy All Cars by Blake Nelson

Book: Destroy All Cars by Blake Nelson Read Free Book Online
Authors: Blake Nelson
Tags: Fiction
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Sadie. I can’t tell what Lucy’s into. Nothing, most likely. She’s just a girl, just a person. She wakes up, goes to school, goes home, watches TV. I don’t know who she’s friends with. I feel sorry for her in some vague way but I don’t know why.
    But if she would have sex with me, what difference does it make what she’s into?
    Gabe had a thought: “Why do guys worry about what to say to girls? If they like you, whatever you say is going to work. And if they don’t like you, nothing you say is going to make any difference.”
    That still leaves out the crucial part: How do they decide they like you?
February 27
    Saw Lucy in the hall talking to a guy today. I was instantly jealous. Why do I like her so much? I don’t even know her. I want her physically. That’s really it. I’ve never wanted someone like that before. I ache when I see her.
    With Sadie it was never about the physical. It was totally above that. But maybe that’s what happens. You hit that late adolescent period and all thinking ends. You come right down to earth, right down to beast level. You become that thing girls talk about: a typical male being led around by his lower extremities.
    It’s hard to imagine talking to Lucy. But I can imagine sleeping with her. I have been imagining it quite regularly. I can’t stop imagining it. Maybe it’s time for my first Lucy Branch, my first truly physical relationship. And why do I assume it would be a bad thing? Maybe it’s better with someone different from you. I could teach her how fluorocarbons affect the ozone. She could teach me about oral sex.
    We would both become better people.
February 28
    Saw Sadie after school today. She was talking with two of her Activist Club comrades.
    Sadie sort of looked in my direction as I passed. She didn’t say anything, though. Weird how I thought after our library conversation that something would happen. Nothing did.
    Anyway, I am too busy contemplating the possibilities with Lucy Branch to think about anything else.
    â€œYes, Lucy, it is hot in this broken-down car in the middle of the desert, maybe we should take off our clothes…”
    â€œOf course you can stay in my tent here in the rain forest, Lucy. We’ll just have to share my sleeping bag…”
    â€œI know it sucks that we’re snowed in at this mountain cabin, Lucy, but at least there’s two of us and lots of blankets…”
    And yet, no matter how much I obsess over Lucy Branch, Sadie remains, lurking in the back of my mind. My first girlfriend, my first love, my first everything. And the worst part: the impossibly high standard I’ll measure everyone else against the rest of my life.
    Thanks a lot, Sadie, for making every other girl seem like a brainless slug.
THE ROBOT SHOW
    Jessica Carlucci and I went to the New Technologies Convention last night with her dad. There weren’t as many robots as there have been in past years, though there were some dancing robots and some robots that fly and some nanobots that they put in your bloodstream that can tell if you have cancer or not.
    There was other stuff, too. New cars, new games, new battery-operated clothing. There was a personal submarine with drink holders, which might come in handy in the future. Everything says “green” on it now, regardless of whether it actually is. That was kind of annoying.
    The worst was a Chevy Avalanche they had right in the middle of the convention center. For those who don’t know what a Chevy Avalanche is, it is a Deluxe Luxury Pickup Truck built in the shape of a penis. I think one could safely say it is one of the stupidest vehicles ever invented.
    This particular Chevy Avalanche was painted green, and on the hood was a big sign that said THE NEW GENERATION OF ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY CARS. There were smaller signs on the different parts of it. On the wheels it said FRICTION RESISTANT FREE-ROLLING TIRES.

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