wanted to present what you had done in the light most favorable to
you.
Or perhaps I should say, in the light least unfavorable."
"With what purpose?"
"He seemed to be afraid that if I heard it as you would tell it, I might pick up and leave you."
Alice looked very bold and white and handsome as she said this, and I began to feel the tremor around my heart of what I knew was going to be rage.
"So he purported to justify me?"
"He tried to make me see you as representative of your generation. He wanted me to understand that what you had done was not an unusual or even a dishonest thing according to the mores of your contemporaries."
"And did he convince you?"
"He did not. I still believe that you behaved like a skunk."
When I spoke at last after this I tried in vain to keep the rasp out of my voice. "Does that mean that you
will
leave me?"
Alice chose not to answer my question directly. Instead she rose and crossed the room to the fireplace and pointed to the chair opposite the one in which she seated herself. It was suddenly a kind of formal interview.
"I have got to do some thinking, Bob. About us. Some very serious thinking. I realize now that I've been putting it off for at least two years. I've had a growing suspicion that you are not the man I thought you were. I don't suppose that is your fault. Except that you may have tried to pull the wool over my eyes. Indeed I fear you are still trying to do so. But now I must learn to see you as a man who is willing to plot in secret to dismember the law firm of his loving and trusting benefactor. A man who considers it a smart piece of business to kick over the ladder that he has so dexterously climbed. A man who takes an unholy pride in putting daggers to the only use he sees for them: plunging them into his neighbor's back!"
She might have been the avenging angel of my childhood dreams, stern, impassive, without pity, without mercy, a Gustave Dore lithograph. She seemed to be viewing my cowering nudity with an eye too cold for contempt, gathering behind that high, brooding brow the comminations of parents, teachers, a whole generation of elders. How they all scorned my vulnerability, my irredeemable sleaziness! But I was no longer a boy. What had life and long labor done if not to arm me against the savage injustice of their assault? If I was Satan conspiring against the heavenly host, was this not the confrontation that I had always known was bound to come?
"I don't suppose it would do me any good to defend myself before so prejudiced a tribunal. You have been so snowed that there's no longer any hope of finding much brain under your false morality. How can you be such an ass, Alice? You're like my father, an Uncle Tom, broken by a system he failed to dominate, who now prates about his honor and dignity. As if he had either! And if Blakelock believed half the things he pretends to believe in, he'd be a public defender. But of course he's everything
you
admire. As opposed to a poor fool of a husband who works his can off to earn the money you're willing enough to spend!"
"I guess I'd better stop spending it, then," Alice replied firmly. "I must learn to be on my own. And if that means I must live alone, I must live alone. For a time, anyway."
"Where will you go?"
"I'll get a room somewhere. Or stay with friends."
"And then I suppose you'll get yourself a smart lawyer and go after a big settlement!" I had to pause here to swallow; my throat was dry, and my temples were throbbing. "But let me tell you something, sister." Yes, even in my excitement I recall that I heard myself use that vulgar term! But it was too late; I had to push on, noting the gleam of contempt in Alice's eye. "If you think you'll get a penny out of me, you have another think coming." How could I use such language? But I did! "You have no grounds for divorce or separation. I have never been unfaithful to you, never struck you or abused you, never failed to support you. I've been a good father and
you.
Or perhaps I should say, in the light least unfavorable."
"With what purpose?"
"He seemed to be afraid that if I heard it as you would tell it, I might pick up and leave you."
Alice looked very bold and white and handsome as she said this, and I began to feel the tremor around my heart of what I knew was going to be rage.
"So he purported to justify me?"
"He tried to make me see you as representative of your generation. He wanted me to understand that what you had done was not an unusual or even a dishonest thing according to the mores of your contemporaries."
"And did he convince you?"
"He did not. I still believe that you behaved like a skunk."
When I spoke at last after this I tried in vain to keep the rasp out of my voice. "Does that mean that you
will
leave me?"
Alice chose not to answer my question directly. Instead she rose and crossed the room to the fireplace and pointed to the chair opposite the one in which she seated herself. It was suddenly a kind of formal interview.
"I have got to do some thinking, Bob. About us. Some very serious thinking. I realize now that I've been putting it off for at least two years. I've had a growing suspicion that you are not the man I thought you were. I don't suppose that is your fault. Except that you may have tried to pull the wool over my eyes. Indeed I fear you are still trying to do so. But now I must learn to see you as a man who is willing to plot in secret to dismember the law firm of his loving and trusting benefactor. A man who considers it a smart piece of business to kick over the ladder that he has so dexterously climbed. A man who takes an unholy pride in putting daggers to the only use he sees for them: plunging them into his neighbor's back!"
She might have been the avenging angel of my childhood dreams, stern, impassive, without pity, without mercy, a Gustave Dore lithograph. She seemed to be viewing my cowering nudity with an eye too cold for contempt, gathering behind that high, brooding brow the comminations of parents, teachers, a whole generation of elders. How they all scorned my vulnerability, my irredeemable sleaziness! But I was no longer a boy. What had life and long labor done if not to arm me against the savage injustice of their assault? If I was Satan conspiring against the heavenly host, was this not the confrontation that I had always known was bound to come?
"I don't suppose it would do me any good to defend myself before so prejudiced a tribunal. You have been so snowed that there's no longer any hope of finding much brain under your false morality. How can you be such an ass, Alice? You're like my father, an Uncle Tom, broken by a system he failed to dominate, who now prates about his honor and dignity. As if he had either! And if Blakelock believed half the things he pretends to believe in, he'd be a public defender. But of course he's everything
you
admire. As opposed to a poor fool of a husband who works his can off to earn the money you're willing enough to spend!"
"I guess I'd better stop spending it, then," Alice replied firmly. "I must learn to be on my own. And if that means I must live alone, I must live alone. For a time, anyway."
"Where will you go?"
"I'll get a room somewhere. Or stay with friends."
"And then I suppose you'll get yourself a smart lawyer and go after a big settlement!" I had to pause here to swallow; my throat was dry, and my temples were throbbing. "But let me tell you something, sister." Yes, even in my excitement I recall that I heard myself use that vulgar term! But it was too late; I had to push on, noting the gleam of contempt in Alice's eye. "If you think you'll get a penny out of me, you have another think coming." How could I use such language? But I did! "You have no grounds for divorce or separation. I have never been unfaithful to you, never struck you or abused you, never failed to support you. I've been a good father and
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