because when I weighed myself today I was 120! I’m almost ashamed to say it. During those long days of school a person could get a little hungry you know, and I pass at least three stores on my way home from school. That’s my excuse for my weight gain, Janice. I’ve noticed that diets don’t work for me, so I’ll leave it up to fate.
The other day I went into the store where that man was killed. I hate to say “that man”—he was so friendly—but I never learned his name. Anyway, the loss of his presence is still strong. Things have been getting back as normal as it can be. I still contribute a lot to their cash register.
February 22
,
1991
Dear Janice
,
M y cousin Dexton’s (who lives in Canada) birthday was four days ago. I feel bad sometimes when things come up and we don’t remember. Whenever we have a birthday on this side of town, there’s always a call or a card. My family don’t seem to be into things like that. Sometimes I think we’re not family-oriented enough. I guess it’s because we live in such a fast-paced city but we should sometimes slow down for family. That’s a message for everybody—slow down for family.
February 25, 1991
Dear Janice
,
R ondah and I seem to have drifted apart after Devoy was born. She’s so into the baby now there’s hardly room for me. I’d really hate to see our relationship fall apart. Before I left for school she rised to sometimes comb my hair. Today she just sent me out of the room when I asked her. She should rest while she can I understand, but I can’t help missing the way things used to be. I can’t help it.
February 28, 1991
Dear Janice
,
F ebruary is coming to an end. March is almost here, then comes April. To me the word April now means wedding.
The months are really flying by. 1990 was a fast-paced year. The fastest since I was born. It seems ’91 will be even faster. At least my life doesn’t seem to be dragging on and on. My life might have its many many faults, but it really isn’t as bad as some people’s.
March 2, 1991
Dear Janice
,
T his Saturday was like all my Saturdays. It seemed really long. I long for a good party. I want to go out and enjoy myself. Listen to me—I’m twelve and talking like I should be partying every night. Sometimes I forget how young I am. It’s like at times a 21-year-old mind replaces my regular one. It happens really often. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only person like this. I hate being young! I hate it with a passion. I’d give anything to be older. I want to be free and make my own decisions. If only that could be!
March 4, 1991
Dear Janice
,
I ’m feeling good today. After yesterday at church I feel at peace with myself. It’s like I’m renewed. I’ve been telling people how I’ve found the Lord. They say I shouldn’t play with God meaning I shouldn’t go around talking about how touched I am when I know I’m not. Well, even if this turns out to be a phase, I know right now I’m really close to God. I was singing negro-spirituals and hymns all day. I feel it from my soul when I sing them. God is really powerful. He’s like inside people.
March 6, 1991
Dear Janice
,
T he world is so sin-corrupted. I guess this is coming from my new religious awareness but it’s really true. These days no one thinks about God or following his rule. People kill, back and forth, even those who think they have a right. Like mothers who kill their unborn child. They give it a fancy name—abortion, but I think murder is a much better word for it. The child may be unborn but it is still a person who has the right to a life. If the mother doesn’t want to be a part of it why doesn’t she give it up for adoption or give itto a home that will care for it? I think it’s a very sinful act and it sickens me to hear about it. The number one argument these people keep saying is it’s their body. Well, to me, the baby inside them is the one who should say that. Who gives the mother the right to
Shan, David Weaver
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