Different Senses by Ann Somerville Page B

you. I never stopped. I just freaked
out.”
    “Yes, I remember. I could
hardly forget.”
    “I know you don’t want to hear
it, but I really am sorry. I was wrong in every way and about
everything. I don’t deserve forgiveness, but I hope one day you
will forgive me.”
    How long had I hoped for him to
apologise, to admit he was wrong? And yet to hear him say the words
meant nothing now. It was over. I wouldn’t go back, and he wasn’t
asking for me to. Everything was poisoned, dead.
    “One day. But not soon. What
will you do about Devi?”
    “He’s destroyed my trust in
him. I can’t see how we can go on. I should have listened to
you.”
    “Yeah. Not exactly an unbiased
witness though, am I?”
    “No. But you spoke the truth.
Javen, can’t you tell how I feel right now?”
    He cupped my face and I
let him turn it to him. In the low light, in this auto, so many
memories flooded back, from when we were first in love, randy as
bulls, besotted and amazed at finding each other. Where had that
all gone, that passion? Blasted out of me by a gun and Kirin’s
words. “I know how you feel. I don’t know how I feel.”
    “Don’t you want me a
little?”
    A little? If my cock was making
the decisions, I’d have thrown him back and fucked him, family
house or not. I was hard, and yeah, I could give him what he
wanted, what he was so unsubtly hinting about with his hands and
eyes. I leaned closer, wondering if I should let lust carry me
where reason wouldn’t, but as he came closer to meet me, I stopped,
then brushed his hands off me. “I can’t. You destroyed the trust,
Kirin. I’d hate myself, and you, if I ignored that.”
    I didn’t need empathy to read
the disappointment and sadness in his expression. “I can’t exactly
blame you. Javen, I owe you a lot and I will do whatever it takes
to be your friend again, even if we can’t be lovers. I’ll be the
man you thought I was. I won’t ever let you down again.”
    “Won’t get a chance.” But as he
winced, I added, “To have you as a friend would feel good.
Just...don’t push it.”
    “I won’t.” He leaned over and
kissed my cheek. “Good night, and thank you.”
    “We’re not done yet, and you
still have to face Devi.”
    He grimaced. “Yes. Part of the
penalty for rank idiocy.”
    “See you tomorrow. Call as
you’re leaving your place.”
    I stepped out of the auto and
he drove off. I didn’t go inside immediately, wanting to appear
calm before I faced the family. Was this the closure I needed, or a
false start? I was still alone, and without a job, and kicking Devi
in the teeth hadn’t felt anything like as good as I thought it
would. I didn’t get off on hurting people and never had. So
rent-a-thug work was out as a career, for a start.
    I needed a hug, and there were
twins inside the house who had any amount of them for their broken
down uncle, so I went in search. Sometimes, the only solution was
to wait for things to improve on their own.
    ~~~~~~~~
    Kirin picked me up just before
eight. “I hope you realise this is the earliest I’ve been out of
bed in months,” I grumbled as I climbed into his auto.
    His eyes were tired, and his
voice sounded harsh like it did when he hadn’t slept well. “I’m
aware of the sacrifice. Uh...Devi’s gone. He left me a resignation
note, took a few essentials and told me where to send the
rest.”
    “Not surprising. You’re not as
crushed as you could be.”
    “No. Which says it all,
really.”
    “Mmmm.” I didn’t want to talk
about the weasel. “We need to record the interview with Jishnu, so
we’ve got proof if you need to go to the police. He could get nasty
about this, if you sack him.”
    “I know. What about Kajal
Gemate?”
    “Calling her now.”
    Shrimati Gemate’s assistant was
surprised to hear from Governor Ythen’s son, but of course Shrimati
Gemate could find time to see him. Would just before lunch suit? It
certainly would. I closed the call, and found Kirin looking at