Don Quixote, Which Was a Dream

Don Quixote, Which Was a Dream by Kathy Acker

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Authors: Kathy Acker
Tags: Fiction, Literary, General
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in love with her.
    The girls sitting around: Peter didn't call me. You've got a
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    date tomorrow with him, don't you? Should we eat? Did they fuck yet? Great fun, seducing girls. These men have the most l'un. The most we can have is getting revenge. That is fun. Did they fuck yet? I don't know. Peter still hasn't called. I bet he forgets his accent. Uh-oh. Hurry back. Oh oh, she's drinking champagne. That means she's in love. I say, men just want you to suffer. They're so fucked up. They not only break up with you suddenly, they want this big dramatic thing. After you've broken up whenever a man starts talking about who's guilty, I tell him I couldn't care less I'd rather drink champagne. I think Peter's a little lame I mean he's always making dates and kind of forgetting the time but at the same time I could tell he really cared for me so his not calling me now doesn't mean he's off me. Edward's breaking up with me has made me think a man can't want me. All she does is cry. Englishmen fall in love too often so it doesn't mean anything to them. We always tell Englishmen, we only go with American men. This film is dumb.
    Why do you want? I want love. You're not going to get love. OK. You're going to get hurt again. I know. The main thing is to always giggle. All the last week when I really hurt, I felt like I had a disease. Being hurt is having a disease.
    The girls cross their legs and laugh. 'What should we do now?' 'I need food,' she, fainting, said. Her arms draped over the pillow. 'We're caught in our own trap,' she said laughing.
    Right now the first girl is thinking about the man she wants to fuck. 'We can,' she says to her friend, 'by fantasizing, increase our possibilities and joy in living, more important, understand how things work. Why's this? Examine these two events: 1. Last night I fucked with you. 2. I'm fantasizing fucking with you. But these events are now only my mentalities. Therefore there's no distinguishing between the two of them. But what if we hadn't fucked? Take another example: We don't love each other. Is it possible that by fantasizing we love each other, we can love each other? Possibly? Fantasy is or makes possibilities. Are possibilities reality?'
    The other girl lay in her red bed and crossed her legs. 'There're always possibilities,' she said. 'I always prefer drama.'
    'I fantasize I desire and know what desire is. This's how
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    fantasizing allows me to understand. Every possibility doesn't become actual fact. So knowing is separate from acting in the common world.'
    'I'm caught in my own trap cause every event for me can only be my mentality.' The girls looked at each other.
    'I know you know a good many of my New York friends and I've always wanted to talk with you about your work.' 'Come inside.' 'Are you reading Husserl?' 'After college I was a political theorist. Then I worked for Austin.' 'Ooo. What's he like?'
    What did we talk about?
    'What's the relation between practice and theory in your filmmaking? I mean: does writing criticism stop you from making films?' 'They're just two different kinds of activities.' 'But they're also two different ways of thinking.' 'When I make a film, probably partially because I always work with other people and also due to the film's economic situation, I know even before I start to make the film exactly what I'm going to do in the film.' 'Ugh: If I knew what I was going to write before I wrote a book, I'd be bored.' 'It's a different business. When you make a film, you have to consider who's going to see the film the popular culture.' 'Why do you care so much when you work how other people'll judge your work? I first consider my own pleasure. Do you think there's
    something fishy in the semiotic theories, especially in Deleuze's and Guattari's?' 'There's a gap now. You have to realize that semiotics hit England before it hit America. We got Lacan and Althusser, rather than the later semioticians . . . Derrida . . . Foucault . . .' 'Foucault isn't

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