Don't Kiss Girls and Other Silly Stories by Pat Flynn

smile. ‘I want to say thanks, Tony, for telling Cathy what you did.’
    â€˜No worries.’ I throw Kane an ‘I told you so’ look.
    Then Ashleigh turns to Kane. ‘A bunch of us are seeing a movie tonight, at the plaza. I was kinda hoping you might …’
    â€˜What?’ he says.
    â€˜What?’ I say.
    â€˜Shhh,’ says Cath y. ‘Let her finish.’
    â€˜I was hoping you might wanna, umm, go with … me?’
    â€˜What?’ I say.
    â€˜Shhh,’ says Cathy. ‘Let Kane answer.’
    Kane gives me a little smirk, and then says to Ashleigh, ‘That’d be wicked.’
    It’s quiet for a moment. I still don’t know exactly what’s going on.
    â€˜Go on!’ Cathy nudges Ashleigh.
    She steps forward and gives Kane a quick kiss on the cheek. ‘See you tonight, then.’
    â€˜Can’t wait,’ he says.
    I pinch myself, hoping I’ll wake up.
    â€˜Hey, nosy,’ Cathy says to me. ‘Get your chin off your chest. Haven’t you seen anyone kiss before?’
    She and Ashleigh giggle, and then they’re gone.
    â€˜Gee, Rossy,’ says Kane. ‘Your girlfriend really likes me.’ He starts cracking up.
    After chucking the ball at his head – and missing – I take off. I have to tell Gavin that he owes me 50 bucks. I need to start saving up. Nose jobs aren’t cheap, you know.
    I’m surprised to find him talking to Mr Relf. Or should I say, Mr Relf is talking to Gavin.
    â€˜And then when I cross-checked your test with Kevin McMahon’s, I noticed that you both had exactly the same answers. You even made the same mistake on the challenge question. This leads me to believe there is a high probability that one of you cheated.’
    â€˜Why would Brains cheat?’ asks Gavin. ‘He’s smart.’
    Mr Relf raises an eyebrow.
    â€˜You don’t mean …’ Gavin puts his hands on his hips. ‘I so did not cheat off Brains! I swear to God.’
    â€˜Okay then,’ says Mr Relf. ‘Tell me the formula for the area of a triangle?’
    Gavin looks confused. ‘Umm … PS4 times Xbox?’
    I slink off. Probably best if Gavin and Relfy sort out this little misunderstanding between themselves , I reckon.
    For a while I wander aimlessly around the school, but then I find myself outside the library and I think, why not? If I’m just as smart as Brains at triangles, maybe I can even beat him at chess?
    At least we can complain about girls together.

How to Write a Love Letter
    Ashleigh’s single again.
    Kane dumped her because … well, he’s Kane. This is my big chance to ask her out, but even though I’m desperate, I don’t want to talk to Ashleigh face-to-face.
    You see, I’m not good at speaking, especially under pressure. Yesterday in my SOSE oral I called Captain Cook ‘Captain Hook’.
    Miss Mason said that if Captain Hook discovered Australia the convicts would’ve eaten a lot more fish.
    I hate it when teachers try to be funny.
    When I’m at home, in front of the mirror, I can talk real smooth. But when I get near girls my brain turns to mush. If I had a flip-top scalp you could suck it out with a straw. A brain shake.
    I just need a way of making Ashleigh see what I’m really like. Well, not what I’m really like, but what I’m like sometimes. Well, occasionally.
    I lie on my bed, trying to think up a plan for how I’m going to get through to her. I grab my pillow and pretend it’s Ashleigh, squeezing her to my rock-hard chest before pulling her close to my face.
    Yuck! Ashleigh smells like methane gas.
    Simon!
    My little bro is always doing annoying things like stinking up my pillow, and I’m always getting him back. Although, we’ve done so many bad things to each other it’s hard to know who’s getting who back, and for what. Last week I put shaving cream on his hand while he