Double Dragon Trouble by Kate McMullan

fashion, and read Damsels’ Wear Daily like every single day! My closet is totally stuffed with clothes. (If you have any room in your dorm closet, let me know, will you?) Oh, and Wiglaf? How about sitting next to me in Slaying Class next week?

    My Full Name is...
Princess Gwendolyn
Glorianna of Gargglethorp
    My Favorite Subject is... Me!
    My Favorite Food is...
Anything
served to me on a tray.
    My Favorite Riddle is...
Why couldn’t the princess
skeleton go to the dance?

COOKIN’ WITH FRYPOT
    by Angus du Pangus
    A lovely dragon lady was kind enough to give me the recipe for a dragon-sized batch of dragonmint chip cookies. They’re delicious and easy to bake—adjust cooking methods when necessary. Bon appétit!
DRAGONMINT CHIP COOKIES
    Ingredients:
3 pawfuls wild dragonmint
6 pawfuls flour
⅛ pawful salt
7 pounds goose fat
2 pawfuls red hot sugar
4 pawfuls brown sugarpawful vanilla
6 large goose eggs
    Chop dragonmint until it forms a sticky paste. Roll into balls. Cut each ball into quarters to make chips. Set aside.
    Combine flour and salt in a bowl. Set aside.
    Cream together lard, red-hot sugar, brown sugar, vanilla, and goose eggs.
    Add flour mixture to goose fat. Toss in dragonmint chips. Stir. Place batter on cookie sheet. Open your mouth and flame cookies until done. Enjoy!
    Frypot’s eels coming
out your ears?
Come get the best meal
you’ve had in years!
    Smilin’ Hal’s
Off-Campus Eatery

ASK ERICA
    Advice from Erica von Royale
    Dear Erica,
    I bet your readers would like to read an article in DSA NEWS about a town that’s an easy walk from school. I’m talking about Toenail Village, just three rodlongs north of DSA on Huntsman’s Path.
    A Lad from Toenail Dear Lad,
    DSA NEWS is a school paper. We don’t do articles on nearby villages. Why don’t you pick a school-related topic?
    Â 
    Dear Erica,
    I could write about Toenail’s great shopping. And how you can buy pies at Jack’s Bake Shop, have your shoes mended at Jack’s Cobblery, and get your wheels fixed at Jack’s Wagon Garage.
    A Lad from Toenail Dear Lad,
    Can’t you take no for an answer? Dear Erica,
    Or I could write about the great theater in Toenail. And how you can bring your own rotten eggs and spoiled tomatoes to throw at the actors. Or you can buy them in the lobby.
    A Lad from Toenail Dear Lad,
    Give it up!
    Â 
    Dear Erica,
    I could also write about the fine dining in Toenail. It’s all-you-can-eat night every night at Wild Boar Willy’s. If sitting on boards, grabbing food, and sloshing ale isn’t your scene, try Tess’s Tea Shoppe.
    A Lad from Toenail Dear Lad,
    As editor-in-chief of the DSA NEWS, I have the right say what goes into this paper. There will be no stories about Toenail.
    Ever.
    Â 
    Dear Erica,
    Ha-ha! There just was. A Lad from Toenail
    *** Have a question for Erica? Write to her in care of the DSA News !***

THE DSA SPORTS REPORT
    by Charley Marley
    Frypot said his ox did not want to be the DSA Jousting team’s steed anymore.
    After that, everybody quit the team.
    THE END
    HELP WANTED
    LIBRARY ASSISTANT
    Dost thou knowest thine alphabet from A to Z? Dost thou likest to worketh with books? Wouldst thou liketh to be paid in peanut brittle?
    If thou answereth YES to these questions, cometh up to the library and chatteth with Brother Dave about a job as a Book Shelver.
    Contact: Brother Dave
    GOOD DEEP DIVER
    Looking for lad or lass who wants to earn extra pocket change in exchange for diving into the DSA moat to look for...something. Only lads or lasses who can keep a secret need apply.
    Contact:
    Headmaster Mordred, DSA

Overheard in... SIR MORT’S CLASSROOM
    by Baldrick de Bold
    As this reporter snuck into Sir Mort’s class late, he heard lads and lasses saying:
    Â 
    â€œIs Sir Mort awake?”
    â€œPoke him and see.”
    â€œYou poke him.”
    â€œNo, you.”
    â€œNo, you.”
    â€œIs he