Cousin Howie, who had shifted his focus to Fudge and me. I stood up straight, shoulders back, stomach tight.
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"See, that's why we used to call him Tubby," Cousin Howie said, as if we didn't get it by now. "So, Tub ... these handsome boys belong to you?"
Dad said, "Yes, this is my family. My wife, Anne ..."
Cousin Howie kissed Mom's hand. "So you're the little lady who stole Tubby's heart." Mom looked like she might puke.
"And these are my sons," Dad said, "Peter and Fudge."
"Fudge!" Cousin Howie said. "Now there's a name."
"Actually, it's Farley Drexel," Dad said. "We just call him Fudge."
"Farley Drexel!" Cousin Howie's voice was so loud I backed away. "What a coincidence."
Fudge pulled me aside. "What's a coincidence?" he asked.
"It's like when something just happens, something you didn't expect."
"We didn't expect Cousin Howie, did we?"
"No," I told him. "We definitely didn't expect Cousin Howie. But he's more of a surprise than a coincidence."
Cousin Howie wasn't alone. He introduced us to his wife, Eudora, a chunky woman with freckles, a doll's mouth, and straw-colored hair. "Sweetheart," he said, "I want you to meet my long-lost cousin, Tubby Hatcher."
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" Warren ..." Dad said, with a tight smile on his face.
"Right you are," Cousin Howie said. "You keep reminding me and eventually I'll remember."
Dad took a deep breath while Eudora gushed. "I have heard so much about you over the years, Tubby."
"Warren," Dad said again. "My name is Warren ."
"Oh, of course," she said, laughing. "You wouldn't go by your boyhood nickname anymore, would you? I mean, imagine a grown man called Tubby. That would be embarrassing, wouldn't it?"
"Actually," Dad told her, "Howie is the only person who ever called me Tubby."
"Is that right?" Howie said. "And I always thought everybody called you Tubby."
Eudora smiled sweetly and told Dad, "What a shame you lost touch when Howie's family moved to Hawaii. I know how much Howie's missed you." After that she took Mom's hand and said, "I feel as if we're personally connected, don't you?"
Before Mom had a chance to answer, before she could say, Why no ... I don't feel personally connected at all. Why would anyone in her right mind feel personally connected to you and Cousin Howie? Eudora gushed, "This is just so wonderful. We didn't think we had any family left. And to find you this way, out of the blue ..." She pulled Mom close and hugged
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her until Mom was practically gasping for breath.
Mom looked to Dad for guidance when suddenly Fudge said, "It's a real coincidence."
Eudora looked surprised. "Why, yes ... it is. A real coincidence."
I thought it was a pretty weird coincidence since Dad's never mentioned anything about a Cousin Howie to us.
And there were still more family members to meet. Eudora whistled and two girls about my age came over. "Boys," she said to Fudge and me, "meet your long-lost cousins, Flora and Fauna Hatcher. They're named for the natural beauty of our islands. And that's just what we call them... our natural beauties."
Fudge laughed. It came out sounding like a big hiccup. I gave him an elbow and he covered his mouth with his hand. Isn't he the one who told me we don't laugh at people's names? Not that I didn't feel like laughing over Flora and Fauna, too. But I was into proving I could control myself. It was part of my new seventh-grade maturity.
Eudora went back to talking with Mom and Dad, leaving Fudge and me with the Natural Beauties.
"We're twins," one of them said.
"Identical, in case you didn't notice," the other one added.
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"You want to know how to tell us apart?" the first one asked.
"By your fingerprints?" Fudge asked.
"In case you don't have access to our fingerprints," the second one said, "I'm Flora and I have a scar on my chin." She stuck out her chin and pointed underneath to her scar. "See?"
Then the other one said, "I'm Fauna and I have a brown dot in my right eye, but you have to look really close to see
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"See, that's why we used to call him Tubby," Cousin Howie said, as if we didn't get it by now. "So, Tub ... these handsome boys belong to you?"
Dad said, "Yes, this is my family. My wife, Anne ..."
Cousin Howie kissed Mom's hand. "So you're the little lady who stole Tubby's heart." Mom looked like she might puke.
"And these are my sons," Dad said, "Peter and Fudge."
"Fudge!" Cousin Howie said. "Now there's a name."
"Actually, it's Farley Drexel," Dad said. "We just call him Fudge."
"Farley Drexel!" Cousin Howie's voice was so loud I backed away. "What a coincidence."
Fudge pulled me aside. "What's a coincidence?" he asked.
"It's like when something just happens, something you didn't expect."
"We didn't expect Cousin Howie, did we?"
"No," I told him. "We definitely didn't expect Cousin Howie. But he's more of a surprise than a coincidence."
Cousin Howie wasn't alone. He introduced us to his wife, Eudora, a chunky woman with freckles, a doll's mouth, and straw-colored hair. "Sweetheart," he said, "I want you to meet my long-lost cousin, Tubby Hatcher."
79
" Warren ..." Dad said, with a tight smile on his face.
"Right you are," Cousin Howie said. "You keep reminding me and eventually I'll remember."
Dad took a deep breath while Eudora gushed. "I have heard so much about you over the years, Tubby."
"Warren," Dad said again. "My name is Warren ."
"Oh, of course," she said, laughing. "You wouldn't go by your boyhood nickname anymore, would you? I mean, imagine a grown man called Tubby. That would be embarrassing, wouldn't it?"
"Actually," Dad told her, "Howie is the only person who ever called me Tubby."
"Is that right?" Howie said. "And I always thought everybody called you Tubby."
Eudora smiled sweetly and told Dad, "What a shame you lost touch when Howie's family moved to Hawaii. I know how much Howie's missed you." After that she took Mom's hand and said, "I feel as if we're personally connected, don't you?"
Before Mom had a chance to answer, before she could say, Why no ... I don't feel personally connected at all. Why would anyone in her right mind feel personally connected to you and Cousin Howie? Eudora gushed, "This is just so wonderful. We didn't think we had any family left. And to find you this way, out of the blue ..." She pulled Mom close and hugged
80
her until Mom was practically gasping for breath.
Mom looked to Dad for guidance when suddenly Fudge said, "It's a real coincidence."
Eudora looked surprised. "Why, yes ... it is. A real coincidence."
I thought it was a pretty weird coincidence since Dad's never mentioned anything about a Cousin Howie to us.
And there were still more family members to meet. Eudora whistled and two girls about my age came over. "Boys," she said to Fudge and me, "meet your long-lost cousins, Flora and Fauna Hatcher. They're named for the natural beauty of our islands. And that's just what we call them... our natural beauties."
Fudge laughed. It came out sounding like a big hiccup. I gave him an elbow and he covered his mouth with his hand. Isn't he the one who told me we don't laugh at people's names? Not that I didn't feel like laughing over Flora and Fauna, too. But I was into proving I could control myself. It was part of my new seventh-grade maturity.
Eudora went back to talking with Mom and Dad, leaving Fudge and me with the Natural Beauties.
"We're twins," one of them said.
"Identical, in case you didn't notice," the other one added.
81
"You want to know how to tell us apart?" the first one asked.
"By your fingerprints?" Fudge asked.
"In case you don't have access to our fingerprints," the second one said, "I'm Flora and I have a scar on my chin." She stuck out her chin and pointed underneath to her scar. "See?"
Then the other one said, "I'm Fauna and I have a brown dot in my right eye, but you have to look really close to see
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