Emilie's Christmas Love by James Lavene, Joyce Lavene Page B

."
    "I know." She rushed into the thought. "And I appreciated your honesty, Nick. Really.”
    She smiled and held out her hand to him as a gesture of friendship. She wanted to let him know that she didn't have any hard feelings. He didn't need to explain that it was only a kiss. She was a big girl. She’d been kissed before. The thought made her cringe.
    He looked at her manicured hand, dumbfounded, wondering how he'd managed to make such a mess of a simple thing. He'd thought about it all night and realized that he couldn’t leave it alone. He wished he could, for so many reasons. The powerful attraction he felt toward her made it almost impossible.
    There were compelling reasons why he shouldn't get to know her any better—the kids, for one, and the sharp difference in the lives they’d led. None of the reasons that he wanted to see her made that kind of sense. It didn’t seem to matter. Here he was anyway.
    "I was wondering if you'd go out with me, Emilie." He smiled at the silly rhyme. "Dinner? Nothing fancy. I thought maybe we could get to know each other a little better."
    She smiled in return and carefully slid her hand from his grasp. "I appreciate the offer, Nick. But I'm Adam's teacher and I don't think that's a good idea. I know last night, I might have led you to believe that, well, there could be something between us, but while I appreciate your sympathy, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”"
    "Sympathy? Is that what this is? You think I feel sorry for you?”
    Emilie cringed inwardly. She didn’t want to talk about how inadequate she was that no man could love her. She’d already heard that from her first husband. She’d known the truth and somehow, thought Nick might be different. She was such a fool.
    There was terrible pain in the depths of her gaze, pain and loss. It reminded him of looking into Adam's eyes when he'd realized that both of his parents were gone forever.
    "I'm sorry," she finished softly.
    "So am I," he murmured, wishing he understood, knowing he should back off now.
    "I'll-uh-give this to Adam." 
    "Thanks for all your help, Emilie. I believe Adam has a chance to heal now."
    "I hope so."
    "I'll see you around then," he said as the first bell rang.
    She shrugged. "It's a small town."
    "Yeah. I noticed. Goodbye, Emilie."
    "Goodbye, Nick."
    A handful of children ran into the room and Emilie reacted instinctively, telling them not to run and to take their seats. Nick was gone when she looked back.
    Had she done the right thing? She wished she hadn't looked into his eyes and seen the endless night there, wanting to lose herself in those dark stars. She wished she wasn’t so cowardly and was willing to risk the hurt again.
    She'd done the only thing she could. She forced herself to recall her past experience with her husband. She couldn't, wouldn't , let herself feel that way again about a man. She was glad she caught on so soon this time.
    She turned her gaze towards her class of thirty yawning, restless, nine and ten year olds and smiled, putting aside everything else to survive the day.
    Adam had his first band lesson, though Mr. Foster called it an evaluation. The boy was better with the flute than he'd expected, though he never relented enough to come right out and say it. He assigned him a place in the band and that was enough for Emilie.
    Adam was still uninterested in his schoolwork. Emilie was willing to give that some time. She could keep Mr. Howard at bay for a while until the boy had an opportunity to respond to her threefold plan. With any luck, he'd be making progress before anyone had to question her methods.
    The day dragged on interminably. Then it was suddenly over, and the classroom was empty. Emilie looked around at the deserted desks and took a deep breath in the silence left behind.
    She stayed late helping with the decorations and setting up the games for the annual winter festival the next day. Julie Johnson, the second grade teacher, chattered about her husband