but I am blonder than she is.” I think she was genuinely blonder.
Jess was famous enough to be recognized. People ran up to her and introduced themselves and then introduced her for her. She was that kind of famous. The kind where she didn’t have to talk.
As friends, we mostly talked about her. We had an interesting conversation once about why she hated pickles. Her reasons were well-justified. She seemed maternal to me because she cursed a lot and always asked me if I was pregnant.
I showed up at her house one day and she was out in the pool wearing water wings as a bathing suit.
“I saw Pamela Anderson do that in a magazine before,” I said.
“She stole the idea because she steals ideas from me.” Her hair was blonde even when it was soaking wet. That’s unnatural.
“Come and swim,” she said, “you’re irritating me by not swimming.”
Cousins
1984–1987
Me and my four closest cousins –Erin, Becca, Jaime, and Joe – are born.
I live in Clearlake, and they each live within five miles of me.
1987
Our parents discover that Joe and I like to take our naps together on the floor.
They discover we both like bottles filled with juice.
They discover we both like bottles filled with unchilled jello water.
1988
Erin and I almost drown while trying to have an underwater tea party.
1989
Papa takes a long time in the bathroom; too long for us kids to wait. Nana gives us empty coffee cans and has us squat over them in the kitchen.
1990
I learn, during a game of hide-and-seek with my cousins, that my hearing can tell me what direction a voice is coming from when it yells ‘ready!’
Erin and Becca go to Kindergarten. Aunt Ann encourages the rest of us to pretend we’re sleeping right before they come home from school. They’re disappointed when they find us sleeping because they want to play with us. I overuse the trick and it becomes useless.
Another close cousin, Adri, is born. The rest of us cousins take turns holding her while she cries. We hate waiting for our own turn, but holding her turns out to be not that exciting. We ignore her for a couple of years.
1991
Becca informs me and Joe about sex. She tells us to try it. We crawl under a bed and Joe lays on top of me. Becca doesn’t know what’s supposed to happen next. Joe has to go to the bathroom, so Becca lets him leave. We play ninja turtles when he gets back.
While walking our bikes up a hill to take into the carport, a car starts rolling down towards us. My trike stops it’s tire, preventing it from running us over, but gets smashed in the process.
I refuse to take any more baths with Jaime because she always pees.
Nana Kopp dies, and I attend the funeral. None of my cousins go. I walk with my Nana, her daughter, up to her open casket. I am unaffected. A few weeks later, during a random case of watery eyes, my mom asks me what’s wrong, and I lie and say I miss Nana Kopp. My mom cries.
During another random case of watery eyes, my mom asks me what’s wrong, and I lie and say I miss Dylan, her boyfriend who moved away. She says she does too. Dylan soon moves back.
Becca and Erin teach me how to flare my nostrils.
We make a fort in the back yard. We design a boys’ bathroom and a girls’ bathroom. Our Nana finds out about that and tells us to stop being lazy and come inside when we have to pee. Someone poops in the girls’ bathroom.
We decide that Becca and I are best friends, and Erin and Joe are best friends. We tell Jaime that she can be best friends with Adri.
1992
I discover, while watching Erin eat dinner, that when his mouth opens and closes, something near the ear moves, too. When I tell him, he says he already knows.
Erin tells me he found bugs in his Cheerios one time. I refuse to eat Cheerios for the next seven years.
Joe is terrified of a giant dinosaur blow-up toy that someone gave him for his birthday. The rest of us love it. We play with it, wrestle with it, climb on top of it, until it pops. Joe
Jess was famous enough to be recognized. People ran up to her and introduced themselves and then introduced her for her. She was that kind of famous. The kind where she didn’t have to talk.
As friends, we mostly talked about her. We had an interesting conversation once about why she hated pickles. Her reasons were well-justified. She seemed maternal to me because she cursed a lot and always asked me if I was pregnant.
I showed up at her house one day and she was out in the pool wearing water wings as a bathing suit.
“I saw Pamela Anderson do that in a magazine before,” I said.
“She stole the idea because she steals ideas from me.” Her hair was blonde even when it was soaking wet. That’s unnatural.
“Come and swim,” she said, “you’re irritating me by not swimming.”
Cousins
1984–1987
Me and my four closest cousins –Erin, Becca, Jaime, and Joe – are born.
I live in Clearlake, and they each live within five miles of me.
1987
Our parents discover that Joe and I like to take our naps together on the floor.
They discover we both like bottles filled with juice.
They discover we both like bottles filled with unchilled jello water.
1988
Erin and I almost drown while trying to have an underwater tea party.
1989
Papa takes a long time in the bathroom; too long for us kids to wait. Nana gives us empty coffee cans and has us squat over them in the kitchen.
1990
I learn, during a game of hide-and-seek with my cousins, that my hearing can tell me what direction a voice is coming from when it yells ‘ready!’
Erin and Becca go to Kindergarten. Aunt Ann encourages the rest of us to pretend we’re sleeping right before they come home from school. They’re disappointed when they find us sleeping because they want to play with us. I overuse the trick and it becomes useless.
Another close cousin, Adri, is born. The rest of us cousins take turns holding her while she cries. We hate waiting for our own turn, but holding her turns out to be not that exciting. We ignore her for a couple of years.
1991
Becca informs me and Joe about sex. She tells us to try it. We crawl under a bed and Joe lays on top of me. Becca doesn’t know what’s supposed to happen next. Joe has to go to the bathroom, so Becca lets him leave. We play ninja turtles when he gets back.
While walking our bikes up a hill to take into the carport, a car starts rolling down towards us. My trike stops it’s tire, preventing it from running us over, but gets smashed in the process.
I refuse to take any more baths with Jaime because she always pees.
Nana Kopp dies, and I attend the funeral. None of my cousins go. I walk with my Nana, her daughter, up to her open casket. I am unaffected. A few weeks later, during a random case of watery eyes, my mom asks me what’s wrong, and I lie and say I miss Nana Kopp. My mom cries.
During another random case of watery eyes, my mom asks me what’s wrong, and I lie and say I miss Dylan, her boyfriend who moved away. She says she does too. Dylan soon moves back.
Becca and Erin teach me how to flare my nostrils.
We make a fort in the back yard. We design a boys’ bathroom and a girls’ bathroom. Our Nana finds out about that and tells us to stop being lazy and come inside when we have to pee. Someone poops in the girls’ bathroom.
We decide that Becca and I are best friends, and Erin and Joe are best friends. We tell Jaime that she can be best friends with Adri.
1992
I discover, while watching Erin eat dinner, that when his mouth opens and closes, something near the ear moves, too. When I tell him, he says he already knows.
Erin tells me he found bugs in his Cheerios one time. I refuse to eat Cheerios for the next seven years.
Joe is terrified of a giant dinosaur blow-up toy that someone gave him for his birthday. The rest of us love it. We play with it, wrestle with it, climb on top of it, until it pops. Joe
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