adds as they follow after
me. "You made your point, I'm sure. Now you should go
home."
"I don't remember asking for your opinions."
We hit the next street, and the wind blasts into my face. I stop and step
back. My teeth are chattering. I growl through them. Wrapping
my arms about myself, I turn and regard my two companions. Neither of
them look very comfortable under my gaze.
Again, they exchange uneasy glances, then Jacob says, very
soothingly, "It's just like cards. All the bets are in, money's on
the table, and you have a good hand. You just have to call. If you
do, you take it all. But if you get scared and fold, you end up with
nothing. So what're you gonna do?"
I narrow my eyes at him. "Seriously?
Cards?"
He shrugs.
Taylor jumps in. "Whatever crap analogy, it
doesn't matter. Point is, you have some choices to make, and not
everybody gets them. This is the way things are, and it's not going to
change, whether you want it to or not. So you can make the most of it, or
you can piss everything away. But Matt's offered you a pretty nice
option. You should seriously have a think about it."
My eyes narrow even further. "Did he tell you to
say that?"
They both roll their eyes incredulously.
I turn my back on them. It's all very nice for them to
talk about cushy options, but what they're not saying is that there really is
no option. Accept Matt happily, or accept Matt unhappily. Is that
what they're calling an 'option'? Because where I'm standing, it doesn't
seem like much of an option at all. I may put him off for a while, but it
won’t last long. Matt’s patience has a limit. My time is running
out. And there’s no way to escape.
I step out into the street and feel the shiver run through
my entire body as the wind catches me. Whether they're right or wrong
about anything else, Jacob and Taylor are definitely right about getting out of
the cold. I’ve been all over the marketplace three times looking for
Neveah. I desperately need a friend to talk to. But she’s
probably at home, now. At home, where I am not allowed and no
longer welcome. I hold back a tide of bitterness and grief at the
thought. In between excursions through the marketplace, I spent a
great deal of time at the Rustler, and wasted even more time wandering around
Canson's store. I'm running out of places to go. More than
anything, I want to go home. Really home. But there is no such
thing for me anymore.
I drag my feet back toward the southeastern side of the
Outpost, where Matt's house sits prominently above the others, looking solid
and imposing, if not fresh. It's built better than anything else in the
Outpost, as far as I can tell. Every time I step inside I have the
feeling of being somewhere else , like this place belongs to a world
different than the one we live in now. The foyer alone is bigger than the
entire shack where I lived with Miranda, Apollon, Jonas, Neveah, and
Oscar. Six of us in that little space. Six of us in one bed.
But it wasn't too small. This house, with its many rooms, feels so much
smaller.
I close the door quietly behind me, leaving Jacob and Taylor
on the other side. Standing there silently with my hand on the knob, I
consider slipping back out again. How long will they wait on the other
side of the door to be sure I am safely tucked in? Muffled voices filter
through the door. Their footsteps do not move away.
"If I didn't know better, I'd have thought you got
carried off by a Sentry," Matt's voice says from the parlor.
I sigh, walk to the doorway, and look in on him. He
sits in his favorite chair with his feet propped up before the fire.
Valentine raises her head to look at me from 'my' chair, and snorts.
"Alayna kept some dinner warm for you."
"I'm not hungry." It's an obvious lie, and
it annoys him suitably, judging by his expression. He has a thing about
me being too thin. But most of us are,
me. "You made your point, I'm sure. Now you should go
home."
"I don't remember asking for your opinions."
We hit the next street, and the wind blasts into my face. I stop and step
back. My teeth are chattering. I growl through them. Wrapping
my arms about myself, I turn and regard my two companions. Neither of
them look very comfortable under my gaze.
Again, they exchange uneasy glances, then Jacob says, very
soothingly, "It's just like cards. All the bets are in, money's on
the table, and you have a good hand. You just have to call. If you
do, you take it all. But if you get scared and fold, you end up with
nothing. So what're you gonna do?"
I narrow my eyes at him. "Seriously?
Cards?"
He shrugs.
Taylor jumps in. "Whatever crap analogy, it
doesn't matter. Point is, you have some choices to make, and not
everybody gets them. This is the way things are, and it's not going to
change, whether you want it to or not. So you can make the most of it, or
you can piss everything away. But Matt's offered you a pretty nice
option. You should seriously have a think about it."
My eyes narrow even further. "Did he tell you to
say that?"
They both roll their eyes incredulously.
I turn my back on them. It's all very nice for them to
talk about cushy options, but what they're not saying is that there really is
no option. Accept Matt happily, or accept Matt unhappily. Is that
what they're calling an 'option'? Because where I'm standing, it doesn't
seem like much of an option at all. I may put him off for a while, but it
won’t last long. Matt’s patience has a limit. My time is running
out. And there’s no way to escape.
I step out into the street and feel the shiver run through
my entire body as the wind catches me. Whether they're right or wrong
about anything else, Jacob and Taylor are definitely right about getting out of
the cold. I’ve been all over the marketplace three times looking for
Neveah. I desperately need a friend to talk to. But she’s
probably at home, now. At home, where I am not allowed and no
longer welcome. I hold back a tide of bitterness and grief at the
thought. In between excursions through the marketplace, I spent a
great deal of time at the Rustler, and wasted even more time wandering around
Canson's store. I'm running out of places to go. More than
anything, I want to go home. Really home. But there is no such
thing for me anymore.
I drag my feet back toward the southeastern side of the
Outpost, where Matt's house sits prominently above the others, looking solid
and imposing, if not fresh. It's built better than anything else in the
Outpost, as far as I can tell. Every time I step inside I have the
feeling of being somewhere else , like this place belongs to a world
different than the one we live in now. The foyer alone is bigger than the
entire shack where I lived with Miranda, Apollon, Jonas, Neveah, and
Oscar. Six of us in that little space. Six of us in one bed.
But it wasn't too small. This house, with its many rooms, feels so much
smaller.
I close the door quietly behind me, leaving Jacob and Taylor
on the other side. Standing there silently with my hand on the knob, I
consider slipping back out again. How long will they wait on the other
side of the door to be sure I am safely tucked in? Muffled voices filter
through the door. Their footsteps do not move away.
"If I didn't know better, I'd have thought you got
carried off by a Sentry," Matt's voice says from the parlor.
I sigh, walk to the doorway, and look in on him. He
sits in his favorite chair with his feet propped up before the fire.
Valentine raises her head to look at me from 'my' chair, and snorts.
"Alayna kept some dinner warm for you."
"I'm not hungry." It's an obvious lie, and
it annoys him suitably, judging by his expression. He has a thing about
me being too thin. But most of us are,
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