not it! That was never…”
“Then what? She should know who her father is. Parker doesn’t love her, but I do!”
“You don’t know her!”
“Whose fault is that?”
“Yours! You left! Remember?”
“Believe me, I remember! But, I would have been there if I could have!”
“We’re not getting anywhere here. I don’t know how to explain you to…her.”
“You haven’t told anyone I’m back, have you?”
I looked down. “No, it um, it hasn’t come up.”
“I figured as much. Well, I’m not a scared kid anymore, so bring them on. If there’s one thing I’ve learned is that you have to stand up for yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you. I may not have had a choice before, but I have one now, and I’m not leaving, Rebecca. I’ll stay away from you, if that’s what you want, but she’s my flesh and blood and you won’t deny me any more time with her.”
“I um, I better go.”
“We haven’t settled anything yet.”
“You just waltz back into our lives after almost seven years and expect me to just hand over my child to you? I can’t do that. I can’t explain you to her.”
“She’s my child, too. Parker may have been conveniently available when I was away, but I’m here now and I told you, I’m not leaving.”
I walked to the window and stared out at the park across the street. “It would be a lot easier…if you did.”
“Is that what you want?” he walked close to me, “You used to want me around.” He touched my shoulder and I jumped. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I never meant to hurt you. I loved you…I still…”
I spun around, “DON’T! Don’t stand there and tell me you loved me! You LEFT me! We were supposed to get married! When you left, I locked myself in my room for months, praying it was a dream. I spent what was supposed to be our wedding day alone in my room, crying, trying to figure out what I’d done to make you leave me.” I needed to tell him how much he’d hurt me. I wanted to hurt him, the way he’d hurt me. I was crying now, sobbing. He’d hurt me more than I could have ever imagined and I needed him to know it.
“Rebecca, you know I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want to hurt you!”
I turned back toward the window and whispered, “Then why did you leave me? How could you do that?”
He turned me to face him and wrapped his arms around me and I let him. I knew I should have pulled away, but I needed him. I needed him to tell me why he left, but I needed him to hold me more. He wiped my tears away gently with his finger. He leaned down and brushed his lips to my cheek. “I’m so sorry.” He kissed my other cheek, and then looked into my eyes, waiting for me to tell him it was okay. It was wrong, I knew it, but it felt so right, so natural. I belonged to him, and even though he’d hurt me, I couldn’t stop the need flowing through me. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. That was all the encouragement he needed. He picked me up and carried me to his bed. I didn’t fight him, and I didn’t even pretend to ask him to stop. I needed him, and in some way, I think he needed me.
Gone was the clumsiness of seven years ago. He was older and definitely more experienced. I felt a brief pang of jealousy flash through me as he’d obviously been with other women, but it only lasted a moment, as it wasn’t long before I was completely lost in his touch and embrace. I kept my eyes open, needing to see him, to make sure it wasn’t just another dream…that he was real. I let him take the lead, just like so many years before, and just like then, I cried, never wanting it to end. But it did, and hours later, as we finally had to face the fact that we had to talk, I sat up in his bed, pulling the blankets up around me.
He pulled me close as he sat up next to me. “Rebecca, you know I didn’t want to leave you. You know I didn’t have a choice. I came back for you, but
“Then what? She should know who her father is. Parker doesn’t love her, but I do!”
“You don’t know her!”
“Whose fault is that?”
“Yours! You left! Remember?”
“Believe me, I remember! But, I would have been there if I could have!”
“We’re not getting anywhere here. I don’t know how to explain you to…her.”
“You haven’t told anyone I’m back, have you?”
I looked down. “No, it um, it hasn’t come up.”
“I figured as much. Well, I’m not a scared kid anymore, so bring them on. If there’s one thing I’ve learned is that you have to stand up for yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you. I may not have had a choice before, but I have one now, and I’m not leaving, Rebecca. I’ll stay away from you, if that’s what you want, but she’s my flesh and blood and you won’t deny me any more time with her.”
“I um, I better go.”
“We haven’t settled anything yet.”
“You just waltz back into our lives after almost seven years and expect me to just hand over my child to you? I can’t do that. I can’t explain you to her.”
“She’s my child, too. Parker may have been conveniently available when I was away, but I’m here now and I told you, I’m not leaving.”
I walked to the window and stared out at the park across the street. “It would be a lot easier…if you did.”
“Is that what you want?” he walked close to me, “You used to want me around.” He touched my shoulder and I jumped. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I never meant to hurt you. I loved you…I still…”
I spun around, “DON’T! Don’t stand there and tell me you loved me! You LEFT me! We were supposed to get married! When you left, I locked myself in my room for months, praying it was a dream. I spent what was supposed to be our wedding day alone in my room, crying, trying to figure out what I’d done to make you leave me.” I needed to tell him how much he’d hurt me. I wanted to hurt him, the way he’d hurt me. I was crying now, sobbing. He’d hurt me more than I could have ever imagined and I needed him to know it.
“Rebecca, you know I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want to hurt you!”
I turned back toward the window and whispered, “Then why did you leave me? How could you do that?”
He turned me to face him and wrapped his arms around me and I let him. I knew I should have pulled away, but I needed him. I needed him to tell me why he left, but I needed him to hold me more. He wiped my tears away gently with his finger. He leaned down and brushed his lips to my cheek. “I’m so sorry.” He kissed my other cheek, and then looked into my eyes, waiting for me to tell him it was okay. It was wrong, I knew it, but it felt so right, so natural. I belonged to him, and even though he’d hurt me, I couldn’t stop the need flowing through me. I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. That was all the encouragement he needed. He picked me up and carried me to his bed. I didn’t fight him, and I didn’t even pretend to ask him to stop. I needed him, and in some way, I think he needed me.
Gone was the clumsiness of seven years ago. He was older and definitely more experienced. I felt a brief pang of jealousy flash through me as he’d obviously been with other women, but it only lasted a moment, as it wasn’t long before I was completely lost in his touch and embrace. I kept my eyes open, needing to see him, to make sure it wasn’t just another dream…that he was real. I let him take the lead, just like so many years before, and just like then, I cried, never wanting it to end. But it did, and hours later, as we finally had to face the fact that we had to talk, I sat up in his bed, pulling the blankets up around me.
He pulled me close as he sat up next to me. “Rebecca, you know I didn’t want to leave you. You know I didn’t have a choice. I came back for you, but
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