Riley.
With all of my heart, I wanted
Riley.
But it seemed he no longer wanted
me.
Finn was probably right. Riley was
back with Ava right this minute. Back where he always went—into Ava’s
arms.
CHAPTER15
Riley ( two days after kissing Zoey in his office)
I’m sitting on my bed thinking
about Zoey—of course. I can’t get our kiss out of my head. I want to just
bounce to her house and scoop her up and say, “Screw, Finn. He had his chance
and he blew it.”
That’s really all I want to do.
Forget Finn. Be selfish. But Zoey can’t do that. I know she can’t. She thinks
she can, because she’s hurting right now. But … she can’t. Finn is under her
skin … like she’s under mine. Like
she has been ever since I first met her. Stuff like that , it doesn’t just go away .
I hear a knock at the front door.
For a second, my heart is all excited thinking it’s Zoey. I swear , it almost slams out of my chest. But
it’s pathetic. I’m pathetic. Of
course it’s not Zoey at my door.
I know it even before I hear Ava’s
voice coming from the other side. Still, my heart drops like a brick. I rub my
face, thinking about not answering, though she’s straight up saying she knows
I’m here.
She rings the bell and pounds. “I
know you’re in there, Riley. Your precious car is parked in the driveway.”
She keeps coming by. Bringing me
things, whispering things. Doing her usual. Things that used
to work with me—big time—when she wanted to get back together with
me.
Thing is though, that stuff makes
me sort of sick now. Now that I kissed Zoey. Now that
for a moment I let myself dream I actually had a chance with her.
I wince, knowing I’m an idiot. My
best friend’s girlfriend—why? What kind of sick, self-inflicting sadist
am I? I want to bash my head into the wall. Instead I murmur, “It’s open.”
Ava comes breathlessly inside, in a
very, very short skirt. She looks like she’s been crying. Which always gets to
me. When tough, cold Ava breaks down and cries. She knows I’m a sucker for
that—her tears and trembling lip.
She stares at me from across the
room. Then her voice is all broken as she says she can’t take losing me.
“Really,” she sobs. “Without you, Riley, I just want to die.”
It’s not fair what she’s doing. My
best friend is in a mental hospital. A mental hospital. She can’t tell me this junk. Not now.
She comes closer to me. “Remember
our first kiss, Riley?” She’s running her soft fingers through my hair. “I
can’t get that day out of my mind,” she whispers. “The day we met.”
She tangles up my thoughts, trying
to coax me to kiss her and remember things I don’t want to. She doesn’t know
it, but the thoughts she’s making me conjure are about Zoey as much as her.
Maybe even more about Zoey.
… The day I met Ava, actually
bothered to talk to her … it was back in middle school. At a
carnival. I’d left Zoey and Finn alone in the tilt-a-whirl
line—just ’cause I kept catching myself being stupid—staring at
them holding hands, my heart full of hurt and wanting.
Instead of admitting anything like
that—those kind of feelings—I’d tried to
make it seem the total opposite. I backed away from them, muttering in a
half-teasing, half-disgusted tone, “You know what? You guys kind of make me
sick with your cuddling. I’m going to go hang out with the guys for a
while—after I puke.”
As I was walking away, Zoey called
playfully after me. “What ?! We were just going to use
the kiss you won for Finn in the Basketball Toss—we thought you wanted to
be around to see it.”
I flinched hearing her say
that—having that moment thrown back in my face. Though she was only
teasing and had absolutely no idea what was going through my mind back at the
Basketball Toss—back when I won her kiss. If she did—if she
knew—she wouldn’t have said anything about it now—she would have
never mentioned the moment ever
With all of my heart, I wanted
Riley.
But it seemed he no longer wanted
me.
Finn was probably right. Riley was
back with Ava right this minute. Back where he always went—into Ava’s
arms.
CHAPTER15
Riley ( two days after kissing Zoey in his office)
I’m sitting on my bed thinking
about Zoey—of course. I can’t get our kiss out of my head. I want to just
bounce to her house and scoop her up and say, “Screw, Finn. He had his chance
and he blew it.”
That’s really all I want to do.
Forget Finn. Be selfish. But Zoey can’t do that. I know she can’t. She thinks
she can, because she’s hurting right now. But … she can’t. Finn is under her
skin … like she’s under mine. Like
she has been ever since I first met her. Stuff like that , it doesn’t just go away .
I hear a knock at the front door.
For a second, my heart is all excited thinking it’s Zoey. I swear , it almost slams out of my chest. But
it’s pathetic. I’m pathetic. Of
course it’s not Zoey at my door.
I know it even before I hear Ava’s
voice coming from the other side. Still, my heart drops like a brick. I rub my
face, thinking about not answering, though she’s straight up saying she knows
I’m here.
She rings the bell and pounds. “I
know you’re in there, Riley. Your precious car is parked in the driveway.”
She keeps coming by. Bringing me
things, whispering things. Doing her usual. Things that used
to work with me—big time—when she wanted to get back together with
me.
Thing is though, that stuff makes
me sort of sick now. Now that I kissed Zoey. Now that
for a moment I let myself dream I actually had a chance with her.
I wince, knowing I’m an idiot. My
best friend’s girlfriend—why? What kind of sick, self-inflicting sadist
am I? I want to bash my head into the wall. Instead I murmur, “It’s open.”
Ava comes breathlessly inside, in a
very, very short skirt. She looks like she’s been crying. Which always gets to
me. When tough, cold Ava breaks down and cries. She knows I’m a sucker for
that—her tears and trembling lip.
She stares at me from across the
room. Then her voice is all broken as she says she can’t take losing me.
“Really,” she sobs. “Without you, Riley, I just want to die.”
It’s not fair what she’s doing. My
best friend is in a mental hospital. A mental hospital. She can’t tell me this junk. Not now.
She comes closer to me. “Remember
our first kiss, Riley?” She’s running her soft fingers through my hair. “I
can’t get that day out of my mind,” she whispers. “The day we met.”
She tangles up my thoughts, trying
to coax me to kiss her and remember things I don’t want to. She doesn’t know
it, but the thoughts she’s making me conjure are about Zoey as much as her.
Maybe even more about Zoey.
… The day I met Ava, actually
bothered to talk to her … it was back in middle school. At a
carnival. I’d left Zoey and Finn alone in the tilt-a-whirl
line—just ’cause I kept catching myself being stupid—staring at
them holding hands, my heart full of hurt and wanting.
Instead of admitting anything like
that—those kind of feelings—I’d tried to
make it seem the total opposite. I backed away from them, muttering in a
half-teasing, half-disgusted tone, “You know what? You guys kind of make me
sick with your cuddling. I’m going to go hang out with the guys for a
while—after I puke.”
As I was walking away, Zoey called
playfully after me. “What ?! We were just going to use
the kiss you won for Finn in the Basketball Toss—we thought you wanted to
be around to see it.”
I flinched hearing her say
that—having that moment thrown back in my face. Though she was only
teasing and had absolutely no idea what was going through my mind back at the
Basketball Toss—back when I won her kiss. If she did—if she
knew—she wouldn’t have said anything about it now—she would have
never mentioned the moment ever
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