Feeling the Moment by P. J. Belden Page A

worth it. I actually donate part of my check to the shelter. It’s my way of making peace with my past ensuring no one else has to suffer anything like it,” I shrug.
    “Is it too soon to ask about your past?” He asked softly and sincerely.
    “Um, I lived on the streets from age eight on. My apartment I have now, I only just bought a month ago.”
    River moves closer to me, wrapping me in his arms. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. No one should be left like that.”
    “My parents weren’t the greatest, but I loved them. They had an addiction that ended up costing them their lives, and mine. They were actually having a party for me for my eighth birthday. I was so excited when I woke up that morning. It was my first party…”
    River pulled me on to his lap and held me there. “You don’t have to talk about it,” his voice cracked.
    “I’ve never talked about it before.” I look at him, meeting his eyes. “I’ve never let anyone close enough to tell.”
    “Am… Am I close enough?”
    “As scary as it is to say this, I think so.”
    “Why is it scary?”
    “Because… It’s only ever been me. Now here you are. We only met a week ago and look what I’ve already done for you. It leaves me open to be hurt.”
    “But what makes you think there is always pain with being vulnerable?”
    “That’s all it has brought me.”
    He shifted me around so that my legs wrapped around his back and I was facing him. River tips my chin up until our eyes meet.
    “I know, like you said, we’ve not known each other long. To me, though, it doesn’t matter. Something happened to me that first day you walked into my room a month ago. I understand that you’re scared and this is all new to you. It is for me too. But Kim, no one has ever interested me as much as you. No one has ever held my attention as long as you. I don’t know where this is going, but I really want to go along for the ride and see where it goes.”
    Resting my head on his shoulder, I took a few cleansing breaths. “They were sitting on the couch. I called their names when I got into the room. Mom smiled at me and my dad opened his arms for me to step into a hug when they started shaking. What looked like foam started to bubble out of their mouths. I was panicking. Running I grabbed the phone, but it had been shut off for nonpayment,” I broke off as my voice cracked.
    “You don’t have to tell me,” he reassured.
    “I remember crying and asking them what I should do. Their eyes were big. They weren’t responding to me. Blood was coming out of my mom’s nose…” I shudder going back to that moment in my life. “They died right in front of me and I could do nothing to help them. If I could have called someone, gotten them help…” Tears fell as the pain filled me again.
    “Oh sweetheart, you did everything you could. You were only a child.”
    “I was screaming loud and a neighbor heard. Police came knocking at the door. One held me while the other looked at my parents. I remember his face dropping as he shook his head. Somehow I managed to get out of the officer’s hold and ran off and hid from them. They ended up finding me. I bounced around several different homes. In a three month time period I was in twelve different homes. Apparently, I was too risky for most of the homes because my parents were druggies.”
    River’s arms tightened around me for a second, and then he rubbed my back in a comforting gesture.  “Is that when you ran away?”
    “The last home I was in. They were abusive. I’d tell the social worker when she’d come and check on how I was adjusting, but they were always on their best behavior while the investigation was going on. One night, after doing my chores, they ‘found’ dirt on a dish I’d washed. A screaming match ensued and I tried to leave the room and the plate hit me in the shoulder then crashed to the ground.” I looked up at him. “That’s where that scar came from that you’re rubbing right