the only ones on the dance floor. Everyone was staring!”
Kyle reached out to touch my face gently. “Did it make you uncomfortable?”
“Funnily enough, no, which is what really surprises me. I never would have done that back home. It’s like I’ve turned into a different person since arriving yesterday. It was actually a lot of fun.”
“Well good. I certainly enjoyed having such a gorgeous dance partner.” His thumb moved in circles on my cheek, feeding the blush I was sure had stained my face. “You dance really well.”
“Thank you. It’s been years.”
As if he could sense that part of me that was cloaked in uncertainty and neglect, he simply stood watching me with kindness, not taking the conversation any further. His warm touch was something so foreign and new that I couldn’t help but lean into it, basking in it. Craving it. And yet, I still felt guilty—I didn’t deserve such tenderness and shouldn’t be letting him touch me.
All too soon, Kyle looked at his watch. “I have an early start tomorrow and the producer will get extremely annoyed if the star of the show doesn’t appear. I’ll walk you back to your hut if you’re ready to leave.”
I admitted to feeling a little tired after all the dancing and agreed to leave also, although I tried to hide my disappointment. I knew that once I was back alone in my hut my mind would revert back to its former negative self and try to give me all the reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this.
The moon was full and the stars twinkled brightly like pieces of glitter against an endless backdrop. The clouds had all disappeared, making everything seem clean and clear. The lights around the path led to right outside my cabin, where I unlocked the door and turned to Kyle.
“Well, I guess this is goodnight. I had a wonderful time tonight.”
“Me too!” he agreed, his voice raspy, eyes asking a silent question I knew I wasn’t ready to answer.
His expression changed as he became more serious. I knew that look and what it represented as my head went into a tailspin, causing me to feel overwhelmingly panicked.
With his face moving closer, knowing he was going to kiss me, a switch flipped in my brain. A vision of John pushing himself onto me caught me off guard. Primal instinct kicked in, forcing me to pull away. Hauntingly familiar goose bumps prickled my skin.
His heavy breath followed me as I turned my head. Unable to make eye contact, I muttered, “I’m really tired. I have to go.”
It was all I could come up with as I thought I might suffocate.
I turned on my heels and ran into the cabin, slamming the door behind me before he could see the tears cascading down my cheeks. Leaning against the door, my body crumpled to the floor as I sobbed uncontrollably. Even when he was thousands of miles away, the very image of my ex-husband’s face brought me to my knees. He was still controlling me. Or maybe it was a case of me letting him. His haunting presence would be etched into my soul for a long time to come.
Hearing Kyle’s footsteps walk away from the cabin in defeat made me ache. When they had disappeared altogether I yelled at the top of my voice, looking at the ceiling in the hope that some higher force may be able to help.
“Arrrrgghh! You asshole! Get out of my head! We’re not even together anymore and you’re still coming between me and happiness. Go. The. Hell. Away!” I gripped my head in both hands, feeling deflated and alone. The evening had been the best in my entire life. It was the first time I’d felt comfortable in another man’s company in such a long time.
Why couldn’t I just kiss him and push away the images of John? I wanted to, didn’t I? Has my ex screwed me up so much that I won’t ever be able to kiss another man? How stupid must Kyle think I am? He’ll never want to see me again. I’ve completely blown it, big time. I didn’t care that I was talking to myself as I rubbed my face.
At the start of the night,
Kyle reached out to touch my face gently. “Did it make you uncomfortable?”
“Funnily enough, no, which is what really surprises me. I never would have done that back home. It’s like I’ve turned into a different person since arriving yesterday. It was actually a lot of fun.”
“Well good. I certainly enjoyed having such a gorgeous dance partner.” His thumb moved in circles on my cheek, feeding the blush I was sure had stained my face. “You dance really well.”
“Thank you. It’s been years.”
As if he could sense that part of me that was cloaked in uncertainty and neglect, he simply stood watching me with kindness, not taking the conversation any further. His warm touch was something so foreign and new that I couldn’t help but lean into it, basking in it. Craving it. And yet, I still felt guilty—I didn’t deserve such tenderness and shouldn’t be letting him touch me.
All too soon, Kyle looked at his watch. “I have an early start tomorrow and the producer will get extremely annoyed if the star of the show doesn’t appear. I’ll walk you back to your hut if you’re ready to leave.”
I admitted to feeling a little tired after all the dancing and agreed to leave also, although I tried to hide my disappointment. I knew that once I was back alone in my hut my mind would revert back to its former negative self and try to give me all the reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this.
The moon was full and the stars twinkled brightly like pieces of glitter against an endless backdrop. The clouds had all disappeared, making everything seem clean and clear. The lights around the path led to right outside my cabin, where I unlocked the door and turned to Kyle.
“Well, I guess this is goodnight. I had a wonderful time tonight.”
“Me too!” he agreed, his voice raspy, eyes asking a silent question I knew I wasn’t ready to answer.
His expression changed as he became more serious. I knew that look and what it represented as my head went into a tailspin, causing me to feel overwhelmingly panicked.
With his face moving closer, knowing he was going to kiss me, a switch flipped in my brain. A vision of John pushing himself onto me caught me off guard. Primal instinct kicked in, forcing me to pull away. Hauntingly familiar goose bumps prickled my skin.
His heavy breath followed me as I turned my head. Unable to make eye contact, I muttered, “I’m really tired. I have to go.”
It was all I could come up with as I thought I might suffocate.
I turned on my heels and ran into the cabin, slamming the door behind me before he could see the tears cascading down my cheeks. Leaning against the door, my body crumpled to the floor as I sobbed uncontrollably. Even when he was thousands of miles away, the very image of my ex-husband’s face brought me to my knees. He was still controlling me. Or maybe it was a case of me letting him. His haunting presence would be etched into my soul for a long time to come.
Hearing Kyle’s footsteps walk away from the cabin in defeat made me ache. When they had disappeared altogether I yelled at the top of my voice, looking at the ceiling in the hope that some higher force may be able to help.
“Arrrrgghh! You asshole! Get out of my head! We’re not even together anymore and you’re still coming between me and happiness. Go. The. Hell. Away!” I gripped my head in both hands, feeling deflated and alone. The evening had been the best in my entire life. It was the first time I’d felt comfortable in another man’s company in such a long time.
Why couldn’t I just kiss him and push away the images of John? I wanted to, didn’t I? Has my ex screwed me up so much that I won’t ever be able to kiss another man? How stupid must Kyle think I am? He’ll never want to see me again. I’ve completely blown it, big time. I didn’t care that I was talking to myself as I rubbed my face.
At the start of the night,
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