out it’s just sex. That’s funny to me.”
“I don’t think it’s just sex,” I said. “And I didn’t know that there was speculation about dragons.” Why had I never spent any time thinking about how dragons were viewed by other creatures? “Look, I think we should change the subject now.”
He was still laughing.
“Or maybe you want to discuss your sex life?”
“Nothing to discuss,” he said. “And were we discussing your sex life? I think we were talking about dragons in general.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re infuriating.”
“Sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry. “You sure you want to go through with this? You don’t have to see him.”
“I can handle it,” I snapped. Never show weakness.
*
I met Alastair when I was twenty-eight, which was relatively young for a person to find a mate. Dragons live around three hundred years on average, so it’s not uncommon for dragons to spend fifty or even a hundred years single and searching. Lots of times, our mates live far away, across the ocean in other countries. Seems to be the way nature keeps us from getting too inbred, I suppose.
It can go the other way, of course. There have been cases in which dragons have known their mates all their lives, have grown up together. In that case, they tend to pair bond from puberty.
I came of age at sixteen, like all dragons, and I only had twelve years to myself before I became utterly consumed by Alastair.
I like to think that I was a hopeful sort of girl, that I was becoming someone with a good heart before he came into my life. After all, I helped Felicity. I had a good heart.
At least, I think I did.
It’s hard to know anything anymore. Alastair made me question everything about myself. He made me feel guilty all the time. That was how he justified what he did to me. I was asking for it. If I could just stop being such a horrible person, then maybe he would be able to stop hurting me.
He used to admit that what he did was wrong.
But, he’d say, I didn’t make it easy for him, what with the way I behaved. I was so selfish and shallow that he could barely control himself.
And there were things about me that might have been shallow, might have been selfish.
I lost my parents when I was a small girl, only ten or twelve. They were out flying together, and they were both taken by a slayer.
At least, that’s what we think.
They were never found, because slayers don’t leave anything behind. They kill dragons and then sell them off piecemeal.
I was raised by grandparents after that, and they were grieving themselves and also worried about me, and grandparents on top of everything. Maybe I was spoiled. Maybe I was overly indulged. Maybe I spent my life thinking that I was entitled to anything that I wanted.
But I never wished any harm on anyone else, and if I thought I was entitled, I also thought everyone else was entitled too. I didn’t want anyone to suffer.
Maybe I’m protesting too much.
But I get confused sometimes, I have to admit. There are things that I used to think about myself, and then things that I came to think of myself because of what Alastair drilled into me. Sometimes, I can’t tell the difference. I don’t know what I think of myself.
When we first met, it was perfect, the way everyone said it would be.
He was older than me by about ten years, but that wasn’t much of a big deal. He was still young, too. And he was the heir to a fortune. He had been made CEO of a big insurance company, and we were a golden couple. Young and beautiful and rich.
We had a lavish wedding, a honeymoon in paradise, and a blissful first six months of lovemaking and closeness.
When I look back now, I see how he was planting the seeds for what would come, but at the time, I was clueless.
I remember the first night that I cooked for him. I wasn’t really very good at cooking, because I’d always had someone to do it for me, but I wanted to impress him, do something sweet and intimate for my
“I don’t think it’s just sex,” I said. “And I didn’t know that there was speculation about dragons.” Why had I never spent any time thinking about how dragons were viewed by other creatures? “Look, I think we should change the subject now.”
He was still laughing.
“Or maybe you want to discuss your sex life?”
“Nothing to discuss,” he said. “And were we discussing your sex life? I think we were talking about dragons in general.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re infuriating.”
“Sorry.” He didn’t sound sorry. “You sure you want to go through with this? You don’t have to see him.”
“I can handle it,” I snapped. Never show weakness.
*
I met Alastair when I was twenty-eight, which was relatively young for a person to find a mate. Dragons live around three hundred years on average, so it’s not uncommon for dragons to spend fifty or even a hundred years single and searching. Lots of times, our mates live far away, across the ocean in other countries. Seems to be the way nature keeps us from getting too inbred, I suppose.
It can go the other way, of course. There have been cases in which dragons have known their mates all their lives, have grown up together. In that case, they tend to pair bond from puberty.
I came of age at sixteen, like all dragons, and I only had twelve years to myself before I became utterly consumed by Alastair.
I like to think that I was a hopeful sort of girl, that I was becoming someone with a good heart before he came into my life. After all, I helped Felicity. I had a good heart.
At least, I think I did.
It’s hard to know anything anymore. Alastair made me question everything about myself. He made me feel guilty all the time. That was how he justified what he did to me. I was asking for it. If I could just stop being such a horrible person, then maybe he would be able to stop hurting me.
He used to admit that what he did was wrong.
But, he’d say, I didn’t make it easy for him, what with the way I behaved. I was so selfish and shallow that he could barely control himself.
And there were things about me that might have been shallow, might have been selfish.
I lost my parents when I was a small girl, only ten or twelve. They were out flying together, and they were both taken by a slayer.
At least, that’s what we think.
They were never found, because slayers don’t leave anything behind. They kill dragons and then sell them off piecemeal.
I was raised by grandparents after that, and they were grieving themselves and also worried about me, and grandparents on top of everything. Maybe I was spoiled. Maybe I was overly indulged. Maybe I spent my life thinking that I was entitled to anything that I wanted.
But I never wished any harm on anyone else, and if I thought I was entitled, I also thought everyone else was entitled too. I didn’t want anyone to suffer.
Maybe I’m protesting too much.
But I get confused sometimes, I have to admit. There are things that I used to think about myself, and then things that I came to think of myself because of what Alastair drilled into me. Sometimes, I can’t tell the difference. I don’t know what I think of myself.
When we first met, it was perfect, the way everyone said it would be.
He was older than me by about ten years, but that wasn’t much of a big deal. He was still young, too. And he was the heir to a fortune. He had been made CEO of a big insurance company, and we were a golden couple. Young and beautiful and rich.
We had a lavish wedding, a honeymoon in paradise, and a blissful first six months of lovemaking and closeness.
When I look back now, I see how he was planting the seeds for what would come, but at the time, I was clueless.
I remember the first night that I cooked for him. I wasn’t really very good at cooking, because I’d always had someone to do it for me, but I wanted to impress him, do something sweet and intimate for my
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