For Authentication Purposes by Amber L. Johnson

everything that a little girl could ever fantasize about was right there, written by a man, on the television. The nerdy, book-loving girl who was pursued by just about everyone. I wanted that to be me.
    But maybe Warner was right. I’d lived my life vicariously through rom - coms that had nothing to do with my own existence.
    What a sad, sad epiphany.
    With that on my mind, I made myself go into the bathroom to blow-dry my hair and think over what I’d just discovered about myself. Turning off the dryer, I tilted my head to check my hair in the mirror and screamed bloody murder.
    Warner was standing in my bathroom doorway, wearing a shit-eating grin.
    “Holy shit!” I screamed and clutched my robe in my fist, thinking I was going to have a heart attack.
    He held up a brown bag. “I brought breakfast.”
    Terror gave way to fury as I stared at him in disbelief. “How the hell did you get in here?”
    A shrug. “You have one of those key magnets under your tire that you didn’t take with you this time. I’ve seen you do it before when you thought you were being sneaky. You seem to be flustered around me a lot. Very forgetful.” The bastard laughed.
    I shoved my way by him and turned back to address him once I reached the bed. “I need to get dressed. Can you please take me to my car? I have stuff I have to do today.”
    He reached into the brown bag and pulled out a muffin, taking a slow bite as he settled himself in the comfy chair I had in the corner of my room. “Where ya goin’?”
    “Pfft, why? Do you need to follow me around for ‘research’?” I scowled and moved over to my dresser to grab some underwear. He didn’t move an inch.
    “Depends on where you’re going.”
    “I need to go to the grocery store.”
    “And?”
    I rolled my eyes, feeling my cheeks turning red. “Shut up.”
    “Come on. Admit it. I know where you’re going.”
    Shifting a little to look at him, I resisted the urge to kick him in the nuts and lick his neck at the same time. I mean, he looked pretty hot sitting in my chair eating that muffin. Stupid handsome face and fornication hair, paired with what I assumed were dirty jeans and a plaid flannel.
    “Fine. I’m going to buy a vibrator with the money you gave me. Happy?”
    His smile was in full force now. “Hell yeah, I’m happy. Ecstatic, even.” He chewed around the bread and laughed. “I’ll come with you to make sure you get the right one.”
    “Oh, hell no. Being with you in a porn shop is on my list of ‘Things to Never Do Before I Die’.”
    “Who else is going to help you? The guy behind the bong counter?” That damn eyebrow of his went so high up on his forehead I thought it would fly away like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.
    “No!”
    “Yes.”
    “Hell no.”
    “Fuck yes.” He stood to his feet and brushed crumbs off his lap right onto my recently vacuumed floor. “Get dressed, let’s go.”
    “Uh, get out of my room and I will.” I shooed him with my hands but he stepped closer instead.
    “Why so shy, Bunny? You were gonna let me do all kinds of nasty shit to you before. Now you want to stay all bundled up? Trust me when I say that dropping your robe in front of me should be the least of your worries.” That smoldering look was back in his eyes and his voice had dropped an octave. “Do it. Lemme see.”
    My thighs started to press together. I shook my head a little, and let out a weak, “No.”
    He inched forward, and my head bent a little as he smiled. “What are you worried about? I’m gonna see it soon enough anyway.”
    “Maybe I like to do it in the dark.”
    “You’d have to like to do it, first.”
    “Come on, Wardo. I just want to put my panties on.” I lifted the white cotton underwear in the air, dangling them from the tip of my finger.
    Warner sighed, taking them in his hand and bunching them up in his fist. “What are you stalling for? I’m guessing you don’t have lips down to your knees or anything, so it’s