pulled a mug from the cupboard and dropped a small coffee bag inside.
“Well… tomorrow’s the farmers’ market at the park downtown, not too far from the university. All the squash should be in 42
FORGIVEN
by now and the tomatoes, and I thought… I wondered if you’d like to go with me.”
The question stopped John where he was. He set the mug down and pictured the setting, the small makeshift booths and the big-band music that would probably play from the park stage through most of the afternoon. The smell of popcorn and sizzling sausage sticks. The farmers’ market was something he and Elizabeth had visited often through the years.
When he didn’t answer right away, Elaine hurried on. “Don’t feel pressured,John.
I mean, I know you’re busy with your kids, and the weekends are tough for everyone. I was just thinking I needed to go and—”
“Elaine.” His tone was kind, filled with an easy sort of humor. He had nothing on the calendar for the weekend, except church and maybe an hour’s visit with one or more of his girls and their families. “I’d love to go.” He chuckled. “I’m afraid I don’t eat nearly enough squash or tomatoes.”
The conversation lasted another minute or so, and they made plans for John to pick her up at ten o’clock the next morning.
As he hung up, John poured the boiling water into his mug and gripped the countertop. She meant nothing by it, right? Cer tainly Elaine would know he wasn’t ready for anything close to dating. His eyes found his ring finger and the wedding band that had been there thirty-six years. In every way that mattered, he was still married. There was no room in his heart for someone new, no matter how kind or enjoyable she was to be with.
He blinked and looked at his mug. The coffee was ready, so he plucked out the bag and tossed it in the trash. Elaine Denning? Of course she wasn’t interested in anything other than his com pany. A simple outing to the farmers’ market. He remembered something from the summer, the way Ashley had bristled at the thought of his spending time with Elaine. Even in a group setting.
John downed three hard swigs of coffee and shook his head.
43
KAREN KINGSBURY
Elaine was looking for friendship, nothing more. Anything else would’ve been ridiculous. He carried his mug through the kitchen to his bedroom upstairs. Then he turned on the light in the large, walk-in closet and stepped inside.
The letters were there, the box pushed to the back of the top shelf, where they’d been for the past year. The whole conversation with Elaine faded from his mind. Maybe Ashley was right. Maybe if he took the time to go through the letters, he’d come up with some part of Elizabeth that the kids could hold on to.
But even before he touched the box he was overwhelmed by a desperate sorrow so great it stopped him short. His hand fell to his side, and he hung his head. He couldn’t go through the letters, not now. Maybe not for another year or more.
Reading her lettersqwords she’d written—and others that he’d written to her would be like intentionally putting himself in a paralyzing place of grief. A grief he was only now learning how to navigate.
He stepped back out and turned off the closet light. As he brushed his teeth and got ready for bed, he refused to think about the letters or the project Ashley wanted him to put together. He simply wasn’t ready. Instead, as he climbed into bed, he was thinking about something else.
Squash and tomatoes.
44
45
CHAPTER FIVE
KATY WAS ON HER THIRD CUP OF DECAF, and still she and Rhonda hadn’t made all the callbacks for the second round of auditions.
“We won’t be out of here until after midnight.” Katy swigged the last part of her coffee and set the cup on the table. They were sitting across from each other at a caf not far from the univer sity, a place that served coffee and sandwiches and stayed open until two in the morning. Katy figured they might need every bit
“Well… tomorrow’s the farmers’ market at the park downtown, not too far from the university. All the squash should be in 42
FORGIVEN
by now and the tomatoes, and I thought… I wondered if you’d like to go with me.”
The question stopped John where he was. He set the mug down and pictured the setting, the small makeshift booths and the big-band music that would probably play from the park stage through most of the afternoon. The smell of popcorn and sizzling sausage sticks. The farmers’ market was something he and Elizabeth had visited often through the years.
When he didn’t answer right away, Elaine hurried on. “Don’t feel pressured,John.
I mean, I know you’re busy with your kids, and the weekends are tough for everyone. I was just thinking I needed to go and—”
“Elaine.” His tone was kind, filled with an easy sort of humor. He had nothing on the calendar for the weekend, except church and maybe an hour’s visit with one or more of his girls and their families. “I’d love to go.” He chuckled. “I’m afraid I don’t eat nearly enough squash or tomatoes.”
The conversation lasted another minute or so, and they made plans for John to pick her up at ten o’clock the next morning.
As he hung up, John poured the boiling water into his mug and gripped the countertop. She meant nothing by it, right? Cer tainly Elaine would know he wasn’t ready for anything close to dating. His eyes found his ring finger and the wedding band that had been there thirty-six years. In every way that mattered, he was still married. There was no room in his heart for someone new, no matter how kind or enjoyable she was to be with.
He blinked and looked at his mug. The coffee was ready, so he plucked out the bag and tossed it in the trash. Elaine Denning? Of course she wasn’t interested in anything other than his com pany. A simple outing to the farmers’ market. He remembered something from the summer, the way Ashley had bristled at the thought of his spending time with Elaine. Even in a group setting.
John downed three hard swigs of coffee and shook his head.
43
KAREN KINGSBURY
Elaine was looking for friendship, nothing more. Anything else would’ve been ridiculous. He carried his mug through the kitchen to his bedroom upstairs. Then he turned on the light in the large, walk-in closet and stepped inside.
The letters were there, the box pushed to the back of the top shelf, where they’d been for the past year. The whole conversation with Elaine faded from his mind. Maybe Ashley was right. Maybe if he took the time to go through the letters, he’d come up with some part of Elizabeth that the kids could hold on to.
But even before he touched the box he was overwhelmed by a desperate sorrow so great it stopped him short. His hand fell to his side, and he hung his head. He couldn’t go through the letters, not now. Maybe not for another year or more.
Reading her lettersqwords she’d written—and others that he’d written to her would be like intentionally putting himself in a paralyzing place of grief. A grief he was only now learning how to navigate.
He stepped back out and turned off the closet light. As he brushed his teeth and got ready for bed, he refused to think about the letters or the project Ashley wanted him to put together. He simply wasn’t ready. Instead, as he climbed into bed, he was thinking about something else.
Squash and tomatoes.
44
45
CHAPTER FIVE
KATY WAS ON HER THIRD CUP OF DECAF, and still she and Rhonda hadn’t made all the callbacks for the second round of auditions.
“We won’t be out of here until after midnight.” Katy swigged the last part of her coffee and set the cup on the table. They were sitting across from each other at a caf not far from the univer sity, a place that served coffee and sandwiches and stayed open until two in the morning. Katy figured they might need every bit
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