testing, aren’t there? What about all those skanks who don’t get on the telly? They must have somewhere to go to find out who the father of their baby is if they don’t get picked for
The Jeremy Kyle Show
.’
‘And what kind of skank would
I
look like, turning up at the baby-father clinic with a hundred-odd DNA samples? Even those ones on the telly usually have it narrowed down to three or four suspects. Anyway, I’m pretty sure you can’t collect people’s DNA without their permission.’
‘Well, maybe he’ll start to look like his father,’ Danny said.
‘Big shiny helmet?’ Romy said,her lips twitching.
‘Big shiny helmet … mouth breather,’ Danny sniggered. ‘Seriously though, maybe he’ll turn into a dead ringer for someone we know.’
‘You know, sometimes he does almost remind me of someone. But I can’t put my finger on who.’
‘Mr Potato Head,’ Lesley said.
‘Sorry?’
‘Mr Potato Head – that’s who he reminds you of. I’ve often thought that myself.’
‘My son does
not
look like Mr Potato Head.’
‘Hey, calm down. I’m talking about if you do the button nose and don’t use the moustache.’
‘He still doesn’t look like Mr Potato Head, okay? Anyway, this guy was too tall for Mr Potato Head.
Way
too tall, and less … potatoey.’
Lesley sighed heavily. ‘I guess we’re back to square one then.’
‘Maybe it’s just as well,’ Romy said. ‘I mean, what if I found him and he turned out to be an asshole?’
They were all silent for a moment, contemplating this.
‘Nah,’ Danny said finally. ‘Luke doesn’t have any asshole in him.’
‘I’ve an idea!’ Lesley gasped. ‘We could stage a re-enactment.’
‘What? Shove me into a cupboard with a masked stranger and see if it jogs anyone’s memory?’
‘No, silly! Although—’
‘Don’t even think about it.’
‘Okay, okay. What I meant was we should have a Hallowe’en party and invite all the people who were at David’s last year – or as many as we can.’
So, after she had sworn themto secrecy about Darth Vader – threatening Danny with dismemberment if he told their mother – they had planned this party. She didn’t really believe it was going to work, but as she stood in front of the mirror putting on her make-up, she still felt a little shiver of anticipation at the possibility that Luke’s father could turn up. Her excitement was tinged with fear because, much as she wanted Luke to have the chance to know his father, there was a tiny part of her that was happy not knowing. She thought very fondly of her mysterious stranger – not just because he had given her Luke, but because she had turned a corner after that night with him. It had freed her somehow, healed her – as if when she told him her secret he had taken it from her and carried it off, taking all the burden and weight of it. She wasn’t normally a fanciful person, but sometimes she thought of him almost as an angel who had taken away her pain and given her instead her beloved son. There was a part of her that wanted to keep him in the realm of fantasy, afraid of discovering that her beautiful seraph had feet of clay or a heart of stone.
‘Okay, this is it,’ Romy said as she sat in the pre-party lull with Lesley and Danny. ‘Tonight is make or break. If I don’t find out who Luke’s father is at this party, I’m giving up the search.’
Lesley and Danny looked uncertain, but they nodded agreement.
‘Okay, you both know what you have to do?’ Romy asked.
‘If we see anyone who might have been at David’s party last year, we ask them pertinent questions,’ Lesley responded.
‘Such as?’
Lesley pulled a small ring-boundnotebook from her jeans pocket.
‘You wrote them down?’
‘I just made a few notes,’ Lesley said, flipping the notebook open. ‘Were you at David Kinsella’s Hallowe’en party last year?’ she read. ‘If yes, what costume did you wear? Where were you between the hours of ten
The Jeremy Kyle Show
.’
‘And what kind of skank would
I
look like, turning up at the baby-father clinic with a hundred-odd DNA samples? Even those ones on the telly usually have it narrowed down to three or four suspects. Anyway, I’m pretty sure you can’t collect people’s DNA without their permission.’
‘Well, maybe he’ll start to look like his father,’ Danny said.
‘Big shiny helmet?’ Romy said,her lips twitching.
‘Big shiny helmet … mouth breather,’ Danny sniggered. ‘Seriously though, maybe he’ll turn into a dead ringer for someone we know.’
‘You know, sometimes he does almost remind me of someone. But I can’t put my finger on who.’
‘Mr Potato Head,’ Lesley said.
‘Sorry?’
‘Mr Potato Head – that’s who he reminds you of. I’ve often thought that myself.’
‘My son does
not
look like Mr Potato Head.’
‘Hey, calm down. I’m talking about if you do the button nose and don’t use the moustache.’
‘He still doesn’t look like Mr Potato Head, okay? Anyway, this guy was too tall for Mr Potato Head.
Way
too tall, and less … potatoey.’
Lesley sighed heavily. ‘I guess we’re back to square one then.’
‘Maybe it’s just as well,’ Romy said. ‘I mean, what if I found him and he turned out to be an asshole?’
They were all silent for a moment, contemplating this.
‘Nah,’ Danny said finally. ‘Luke doesn’t have any asshole in him.’
‘I’ve an idea!’ Lesley gasped. ‘We could stage a re-enactment.’
‘What? Shove me into a cupboard with a masked stranger and see if it jogs anyone’s memory?’
‘No, silly! Although—’
‘Don’t even think about it.’
‘Okay, okay. What I meant was we should have a Hallowe’en party and invite all the people who were at David’s last year – or as many as we can.’
So, after she had sworn themto secrecy about Darth Vader – threatening Danny with dismemberment if he told their mother – they had planned this party. She didn’t really believe it was going to work, but as she stood in front of the mirror putting on her make-up, she still felt a little shiver of anticipation at the possibility that Luke’s father could turn up. Her excitement was tinged with fear because, much as she wanted Luke to have the chance to know his father, there was a tiny part of her that was happy not knowing. She thought very fondly of her mysterious stranger – not just because he had given her Luke, but because she had turned a corner after that night with him. It had freed her somehow, healed her – as if when she told him her secret he had taken it from her and carried it off, taking all the burden and weight of it. She wasn’t normally a fanciful person, but sometimes she thought of him almost as an angel who had taken away her pain and given her instead her beloved son. There was a part of her that wanted to keep him in the realm of fantasy, afraid of discovering that her beautiful seraph had feet of clay or a heart of stone.
‘Okay, this is it,’ Romy said as she sat in the pre-party lull with Lesley and Danny. ‘Tonight is make or break. If I don’t find out who Luke’s father is at this party, I’m giving up the search.’
Lesley and Danny looked uncertain, but they nodded agreement.
‘Okay, you both know what you have to do?’ Romy asked.
‘If we see anyone who might have been at David’s party last year, we ask them pertinent questions,’ Lesley responded.
‘Such as?’
Lesley pulled a small ring-boundnotebook from her jeans pocket.
‘You wrote them down?’
‘I just made a few notes,’ Lesley said, flipping the notebook open. ‘Were you at David Kinsella’s Hallowe’en party last year?’ she read. ‘If yes, what costume did you wear? Where were you between the hours of ten
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