aspects of sexuality. ‘Still working through the dirty book with yer man?’ she asked, nodding to Frank, who was chatting to Stefan.
‘Yes, we had a very good day today,’ May said, beaming. ‘We got through three new positions, so I’ve lots to blog about. And I still had time to make muffins for Romy’s party.’
‘Fair play!’ Lesley made a mental note to give the muffins a wide berth. ‘It’s important to have a hobby when you’re retired, isn’t it? My dad retired recently and he’s driving my ma mental. She keeps trying to get him to take up golf, but no dice.’
‘Well, golf’s not very stimulating, in fairness to the man. No wonder men are terrified of retiring if that’s all they have to look forward to. You should direct him to my blog. It might give him some ideas.’
‘Oh, I don’t think sex is really my dad’s cup of tea. He’d be more of an Airfix person really.’
‘Of course it is! He’s a man, isn’t he?’
‘Well … I suppose – for want of a better word.’
‘We’re all sexual beings, Lesley. It’s part of the humancondition. You know, it’s the thing most people say they regret in life – not having had more sex.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. That’s why I’m so keen to set up this website. It’s so important to explore your sexuality to the full. I hope you’re exploring your sexuality, dear?’
‘Oh, you know … whenever I get the opportunity.’
‘By the way, I have lots of new material for you to upload. I’ve written a new piece on Tantric sex, and I have some new photos for the section on bondage.’
Lesley gulped. ‘Photos?’
‘Oh, don’t worry, they’re not photos of me and Frank, and nothing too explicit either. I don’t want it to be pornographic. Not that there’s anything wrong with pornography per se, of course,’ she added hastily. ‘It serves a purpose. But I don’t like the idea of young fellows I don’t know from Adam jacking off to photos of me.’
Not much chance of that, Lesley thought, struggling to keep her eyebrows out of her hairline. ‘Great! Well, you can give it all to me tonight, if you like, and I’ll get working on it.’
‘Lovely. Oh, and I’m starting a new section too devoted to toys and props. Which reminds me, there’s something I want to ask Romy about. If you’ll excuse me.’
As May went off to talk to Romy, Lesley joined Stefan, who was standing by the buffet table, steadily demolishing the food.
‘Hi, Stefan. How are you?’
‘Ah, Lesley. I am tired.’ Stefan spoke like a Hammer Horror Dracula, lending everything he said a rather morose air. He still hadn’t adapted to Irish ways sufficiently to recognise ‘How are you?’ as a greeting like ‘hello’ rather than an actual enquiry after his wellbeing.
‘Yeah? Been working hard?’
‘Yes, but it’s notthat. It’s May and Frank – the noise they make!’
‘Right. That’ll be them exploring their sexuality, I suppose.’
‘I ask Romy to talk to them, but nothink change. Beng, beng, beng, all night!’
‘Ah sure, what harm are they doing?’
Stefan looked mournfully at her. ‘They are too old to be havink all this sex. I tell May she should do knittink like other old ladies.’
‘Wait until
you’re
a hundred. I bet you won’t want to pack it in yourself.’
‘Is May a hundred?’ Stefan asked seriously, looking across at the elderly lady. ‘She looks good,’ he admitted. He still couldn’t tell when people were joking either.
‘No, she’s not really a hundred,’ Lesley said, following his gaze. ‘Though, God, she could be. I don’t know what age she is.’
Lesley had been vaguely aware of the doorbell ringing and people streaming in while she chatted to Stefan, and she suddenly noticed that the room was filling up.
‘Well, can’t stand here chatting to you all night.’ She stuffed a couple of tortilla chips into her mouth and brushed the crumbs from her hands. ‘I’ve got some serious mingling to do,’ she
‘Yes, we had a very good day today,’ May said, beaming. ‘We got through three new positions, so I’ve lots to blog about. And I still had time to make muffins for Romy’s party.’
‘Fair play!’ Lesley made a mental note to give the muffins a wide berth. ‘It’s important to have a hobby when you’re retired, isn’t it? My dad retired recently and he’s driving my ma mental. She keeps trying to get him to take up golf, but no dice.’
‘Well, golf’s not very stimulating, in fairness to the man. No wonder men are terrified of retiring if that’s all they have to look forward to. You should direct him to my blog. It might give him some ideas.’
‘Oh, I don’t think sex is really my dad’s cup of tea. He’d be more of an Airfix person really.’
‘Of course it is! He’s a man, isn’t he?’
‘Well … I suppose – for want of a better word.’
‘We’re all sexual beings, Lesley. It’s part of the humancondition. You know, it’s the thing most people say they regret in life – not having had more sex.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. That’s why I’m so keen to set up this website. It’s so important to explore your sexuality to the full. I hope you’re exploring your sexuality, dear?’
‘Oh, you know … whenever I get the opportunity.’
‘By the way, I have lots of new material for you to upload. I’ve written a new piece on Tantric sex, and I have some new photos for the section on bondage.’
Lesley gulped. ‘Photos?’
‘Oh, don’t worry, they’re not photos of me and Frank, and nothing too explicit either. I don’t want it to be pornographic. Not that there’s anything wrong with pornography per se, of course,’ she added hastily. ‘It serves a purpose. But I don’t like the idea of young fellows I don’t know from Adam jacking off to photos of me.’
Not much chance of that, Lesley thought, struggling to keep her eyebrows out of her hairline. ‘Great! Well, you can give it all to me tonight, if you like, and I’ll get working on it.’
‘Lovely. Oh, and I’m starting a new section too devoted to toys and props. Which reminds me, there’s something I want to ask Romy about. If you’ll excuse me.’
As May went off to talk to Romy, Lesley joined Stefan, who was standing by the buffet table, steadily demolishing the food.
‘Hi, Stefan. How are you?’
‘Ah, Lesley. I am tired.’ Stefan spoke like a Hammer Horror Dracula, lending everything he said a rather morose air. He still hadn’t adapted to Irish ways sufficiently to recognise ‘How are you?’ as a greeting like ‘hello’ rather than an actual enquiry after his wellbeing.
‘Yeah? Been working hard?’
‘Yes, but it’s notthat. It’s May and Frank – the noise they make!’
‘Right. That’ll be them exploring their sexuality, I suppose.’
‘I ask Romy to talk to them, but nothink change. Beng, beng, beng, all night!’
‘Ah sure, what harm are they doing?’
Stefan looked mournfully at her. ‘They are too old to be havink all this sex. I tell May she should do knittink like other old ladies.’
‘Wait until
you’re
a hundred. I bet you won’t want to pack it in yourself.’
‘Is May a hundred?’ Stefan asked seriously, looking across at the elderly lady. ‘She looks good,’ he admitted. He still couldn’t tell when people were joking either.
‘No, she’s not really a hundred,’ Lesley said, following his gaze. ‘Though, God, she could be. I don’t know what age she is.’
Lesley had been vaguely aware of the doorbell ringing and people streaming in while she chatted to Stefan, and she suddenly noticed that the room was filling up.
‘Well, can’t stand here chatting to you all night.’ She stuffed a couple of tortilla chips into her mouth and brushed the crumbs from her hands. ‘I’ve got some serious mingling to do,’ she
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