Something about the follow-up, though, made me realize she had noticed me enough to at least recognize my face. That was good. She’d met a whole lot of fleet monkeys since she’d boarded the Rockne Hummel , after all, and apparently, I’d made a lasting impression. Even in the face of certain death, I took it as a small victory.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Her eyes narrowed and she touched my right hand lightly. “Do me a favor, will you?”
“Ma’am?” I tried to act like I didn’t notice her touch at all, but I have a feeling I failed miserably.
“Come see me as soon as you’re done speaking with the captain. I want to know everything he has to say.”
So that’s what this is , I thought. She wants me to spy on my own goddamned captain.
I didn’t like the idea at all. What sort of fleet soldier would I be if I tattled on my captain to a Crownie?
“May I ask why, ma’am?”
Her fingers slipped from my hand abruptly and she took a self-conscious step back, like she hadn’t realized we’d been touching at all. “I need to know his frame of mind to evaluate whether or not he’s fit to command this vessel through a crisis.”
I hesitated, glancing over my shoulder at the open doorway. Like her, I wanted to be sure the captain hadn’t seen me conspiring. It didn’t feel right at all, especially considering how I’d specifically requested a position on Gibbons’ crew and he’d offered me the job, overlooking a half-dozen more qualified candidates who’d been relegated to supply missions instead.
Aside from that, her request made me especially uncomfortable because it was my fault we’d wound up on that godforsaken planetoid in the first place, and my garbled calculations that had presumably led to the captain being unfit for command, though I never truly bought that assessment from Gallagher. Not until later, anyway, when my chance to prevent his rampage had already passed. Yet another thick coat of blood on my hands for my failures on Furnace. At the time, though, Gallagher’s suspicions seemed more than a little hasty considering Gibbons hadn’t yet made any irrational or psychotic decisions.
But I couldn’t articulate all that to Gallagher on the spot and wouldn’t have wanted to anyway. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that, ma’am,” I said instead.
I knew it was a mistake the instant the words left my lips. She was a goddamned Crownie, after all, and one of the bigshots at that. You don’t refuse a direct order from someone like her unless you’re prepared to fix sewage leaks on civilian luxury spacers, or spend ten to fifteen years in a forced labor camp in Bali. But she caught me off guard, and I was worried someone would overhear us.
As it turned out, there was no need to fret. Gallagher was kind in her own way. Understanding enough of the position she was putting me in, at least, though presumably not enough to spare me the headache.
“I understand, Lieutenant,” she said, eyeing the insignia on my sleeve to catch my rank. “But I’m not asking you to make that determination for me. I’m simply asking you to report back on what he has to say, which I am legally authorized to find out for myself if I choose. I have the authority to go anywhere on this ship that I damn well please, including the captain’s quarters. If I wanted to make a big scene about it, I would have. Instead, I’m asking you to simply report the facts after your conversation. Are you able to do that?”
I nodded slowly, feeling small. “Yes, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am.”
She smiled and patted me softly on the arm. “Thank you.”
We locked eyes for a moment, then she turned away before I even thought to salute.
Once she’d passed through the doorway, I took a quick look around and realized that practically everyone in the room was staring at me. Some with suspicion, some disdain, some merely bored or scared or desperate for a distraction from the waiting game, no matter how trivial the
“Yes, ma’am.”
Her eyes narrowed and she touched my right hand lightly. “Do me a favor, will you?”
“Ma’am?” I tried to act like I didn’t notice her touch at all, but I have a feeling I failed miserably.
“Come see me as soon as you’re done speaking with the captain. I want to know everything he has to say.”
So that’s what this is , I thought. She wants me to spy on my own goddamned captain.
I didn’t like the idea at all. What sort of fleet soldier would I be if I tattled on my captain to a Crownie?
“May I ask why, ma’am?”
Her fingers slipped from my hand abruptly and she took a self-conscious step back, like she hadn’t realized we’d been touching at all. “I need to know his frame of mind to evaluate whether or not he’s fit to command this vessel through a crisis.”
I hesitated, glancing over my shoulder at the open doorway. Like her, I wanted to be sure the captain hadn’t seen me conspiring. It didn’t feel right at all, especially considering how I’d specifically requested a position on Gibbons’ crew and he’d offered me the job, overlooking a half-dozen more qualified candidates who’d been relegated to supply missions instead.
Aside from that, her request made me especially uncomfortable because it was my fault we’d wound up on that godforsaken planetoid in the first place, and my garbled calculations that had presumably led to the captain being unfit for command, though I never truly bought that assessment from Gallagher. Not until later, anyway, when my chance to prevent his rampage had already passed. Yet another thick coat of blood on my hands for my failures on Furnace. At the time, though, Gallagher’s suspicions seemed more than a little hasty considering Gibbons hadn’t yet made any irrational or psychotic decisions.
But I couldn’t articulate all that to Gallagher on the spot and wouldn’t have wanted to anyway. “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that, ma’am,” I said instead.
I knew it was a mistake the instant the words left my lips. She was a goddamned Crownie, after all, and one of the bigshots at that. You don’t refuse a direct order from someone like her unless you’re prepared to fix sewage leaks on civilian luxury spacers, or spend ten to fifteen years in a forced labor camp in Bali. But she caught me off guard, and I was worried someone would overhear us.
As it turned out, there was no need to fret. Gallagher was kind in her own way. Understanding enough of the position she was putting me in, at least, though presumably not enough to spare me the headache.
“I understand, Lieutenant,” she said, eyeing the insignia on my sleeve to catch my rank. “But I’m not asking you to make that determination for me. I’m simply asking you to report back on what he has to say, which I am legally authorized to find out for myself if I choose. I have the authority to go anywhere on this ship that I damn well please, including the captain’s quarters. If I wanted to make a big scene about it, I would have. Instead, I’m asking you to simply report the facts after your conversation. Are you able to do that?”
I nodded slowly, feeling small. “Yes, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am.”
She smiled and patted me softly on the arm. “Thank you.”
We locked eyes for a moment, then she turned away before I even thought to salute.
Once she’d passed through the doorway, I took a quick look around and realized that practically everyone in the room was staring at me. Some with suspicion, some disdain, some merely bored or scared or desperate for a distraction from the waiting game, no matter how trivial the
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