on the worn stones
of the square.
"When
you start to live outside yourself," Catherine said, "it's all
dangerous. Maybe I'd better go back into our world, your and my world that I
made up; we made up I mean. I was a great success in that world. It was only
four weeks ago. I think maybe I will be again."
The
salad came and then there was its greenness on the dark table and the sun on
the plaza beyond the arcade.
"Do
you feel better?" David asked.
"Yes,"
she said. "I was thinking so much about myself that I was getting
impossible again, like a painter and I was my own picture. It was awful. Now
that I'm all right again I hope it still lasts."
It
had rained hard and now the heat was broken. They were in the cool
shutter-slatted dimness of the big room in The Palace and had bathed together
in the deep water in the long deep tub and then had turned the plug and let the
full force of the water splash and flow over them, swirling as it drained away.
They had blotted each other with the huge towels and then come to the bed. As
they lay on the bed there was a cool breeze that came through the slats of the
blinds and moved over them. Catherine lay propped on her elbows with her chin
on her hands. "Do you think it would be fun if I went back to being a boy
again? It wouldn't be any trouble." "I like you the way you are now.
"It's sort of tempting. But I shouldn't do it in Spain I suppose. It's
such a formal country." "Stay the way you are. 'What makes your voice
be different when you say it? I think I'll do it." "No. Not
now." "Thank you for the not now. Should I make love this time as a
girl and then do it?" "You're a girl. You are a girl. You're my
lovely girl Catherine." "Yes I am your girl and I love you and I love
you and I love you. "Don't talk." "Yes I will. I'm your girl
Catherine and I love you please I love you always always always—"
"You don't have to keep saying it. I can tell." "I like to say
it and I have to say it and I've been a fine girl and a good girl and I will
again. I promise I will again. "You don't have to say it. "Oh yes I
do. I say it and I said it and you said it. You now please. Please you.
They
lay quiet for a long time and she said, "I love you so much and you're
such a good husband." "You blessed." 'Was I what you
wanted?" "What do you think?" "I hope I was."
"You were."
"I
promised truly and I will and I'll keep it. Now can I be a boy again?"
"Why?"
"Just
for a little while."
"Why?"
"I
loved it and I don't miss it but I'd like to be again in bed at night if it
isn't bad for you. Can I be again? If it's not bad for you?"
"The
hell with if it's bad for me."
"Then
can I?"
"Do
you really want to?"
He
had kept from saying have to so she said, "I don't have to but please if
it's all right. Can I please?"
"All
right." He kissed her and held her to him.
"Nobody
can tell which way I am but us. I'll only be a boy at night and won't embarrass
you. Don't worry about it please."
"All
right, boy."
"I
lied when I said I didn't have to. It came so suddenly today." He shut his
eyes and did not think and she kissed him and it had gone further now and he
could tell and feel the desperateness.
"Now
you change. Please. Don't make me change you. Must I? All right I will. You're
changed now. You are. You did it too. You are. You did it too. I did it to you
but you did it. Yes you did. You're my sweet dearest darling Catherine. You're
my sweet my lovely Catherine. You're my girl my dearest only girl. Oh thank you
thank you my girl—"
She
lay there a long time and he thought that she had gone to sleep. Then she moved
away very slowly lifting herself lightly on her elbows and said, "I have a
wonderful surprise for myself for tomorrow. I'm going to the Prado in the
morning and see all the pictures as a boy."
"I
give up," David said.
–7–
IN
THE MORNING he got up while she was still sleeping and went
of the square.
"When
you start to live outside yourself," Catherine said, "it's all
dangerous. Maybe I'd better go back into our world, your and my world that I
made up; we made up I mean. I was a great success in that world. It was only
four weeks ago. I think maybe I will be again."
The
salad came and then there was its greenness on the dark table and the sun on
the plaza beyond the arcade.
"Do
you feel better?" David asked.
"Yes,"
she said. "I was thinking so much about myself that I was getting
impossible again, like a painter and I was my own picture. It was awful. Now
that I'm all right again I hope it still lasts."
It
had rained hard and now the heat was broken. They were in the cool
shutter-slatted dimness of the big room in The Palace and had bathed together
in the deep water in the long deep tub and then had turned the plug and let the
full force of the water splash and flow over them, swirling as it drained away.
They had blotted each other with the huge towels and then come to the bed. As
they lay on the bed there was a cool breeze that came through the slats of the
blinds and moved over them. Catherine lay propped on her elbows with her chin
on her hands. "Do you think it would be fun if I went back to being a boy
again? It wouldn't be any trouble." "I like you the way you are now.
"It's sort of tempting. But I shouldn't do it in Spain I suppose. It's
such a formal country." "Stay the way you are. 'What makes your voice
be different when you say it? I think I'll do it." "No. Not
now." "Thank you for the not now. Should I make love this time as a
girl and then do it?" "You're a girl. You are a girl. You're my
lovely girl Catherine." "Yes I am your girl and I love you and I love
you and I love you. "Don't talk." "Yes I will. I'm your girl
Catherine and I love you please I love you always always always—"
"You don't have to keep saying it. I can tell." "I like to say
it and I have to say it and I've been a fine girl and a good girl and I will
again. I promise I will again. "You don't have to say it. "Oh yes I
do. I say it and I said it and you said it. You now please. Please you.
They
lay quiet for a long time and she said, "I love you so much and you're
such a good husband." "You blessed." 'Was I what you
wanted?" "What do you think?" "I hope I was."
"You were."
"I
promised truly and I will and I'll keep it. Now can I be a boy again?"
"Why?"
"Just
for a little while."
"Why?"
"I
loved it and I don't miss it but I'd like to be again in bed at night if it
isn't bad for you. Can I be again? If it's not bad for you?"
"The
hell with if it's bad for me."
"Then
can I?"
"Do
you really want to?"
He
had kept from saying have to so she said, "I don't have to but please if
it's all right. Can I please?"
"All
right." He kissed her and held her to him.
"Nobody
can tell which way I am but us. I'll only be a boy at night and won't embarrass
you. Don't worry about it please."
"All
right, boy."
"I
lied when I said I didn't have to. It came so suddenly today." He shut his
eyes and did not think and she kissed him and it had gone further now and he
could tell and feel the desperateness.
"Now
you change. Please. Don't make me change you. Must I? All right I will. You're
changed now. You are. You did it too. You are. You did it too. I did it to you
but you did it. Yes you did. You're my sweet dearest darling Catherine. You're
my sweet my lovely Catherine. You're my girl my dearest only girl. Oh thank you
thank you my girl—"
She
lay there a long time and he thought that she had gone to sleep. Then she moved
away very slowly lifting herself lightly on her elbows and said, "I have a
wonderful surprise for myself for tomorrow. I'm going to the Prado in the
morning and see all the pictures as a boy."
"I
give up," David said.
–7–
IN
THE MORNING he got up while she was still sleeping and went
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