it the madder I got and I said maybe I should tell everyone at school. But Darcy said not to because it would make her look stupid and me look stupidand guys would just twist it around and make it our fault. And then we stopped at 7-Eleven to get some ice cream but we didnât get out of the car because all of a sudden we both understood our situation with Mark Pierce and Scott Haskell. We were groupies. We were these little sophomore sluts who guys like Mark Pierce and Scott Haskell jerked off on. And all this time we had tried so hard to not identify ourselves with them and that was exactly what they wanted. They didnât
want
us to be their girlfriends, they were
glad
we were stupid and didnât make any demands and just hung around so they could fondle us whenever they wanted. And Mark Pierce never loved me, he didnât even
like
me, he just liked how stupid I was. And he was probably having sex with Renee Hatfield the whole time, probably right this second they were in her parentsâ bed doing it and laughing their heads off. And then Darcy said, âI donât feel like ice cream.â And I said, âI feel sick.â And Darcy started the car and drove us both home.
Three days later was graduation. I wouldnât have even gone except Darcyâs brother was graduating and she didnât want to go by herself. And I looked all around in case Scott Haskell was there but I didnât see him. In the gym Darcy sat with her parents and I sat with Rebecca Farnhurst, who was telling everyone that Mr. Angelo said we were a bad generation and in ten years the kids would be good again. And then she started gossiping about how Cindy wanted to videotape having sex but Dave didnât want to and they were arguing about it at lunch right in front of everybody. And all I could think of was Rebecca finding out about Scott and spreading it all over school. So I just stared straight ahead and tried to ignore her. I watched the seniors line up to go on stage. Mark Pierce was in the line. And Brian Babbit. And Jim Dietz. And they were all laughing and having the greatest time. And then the line started moving and up they went, gettingtheir diplomas and shaking hands with Mrs. Katz, our principal. And all the parents took pictures and celebrated and congratulated each other, as if a monkey couldnât graduate from Hillside. And Rebecca nudged me and pointed to Mrs. Parmeter, who was picking at something in her ear. And everybody giggled and made fun of her and also Mr. Angelo, who was sweating and dabbing his face with a napkin. And I thought about how we were just a job to them. We were like so much grass growing, or weeds maybe, they watered us and fertilized us and when it was harvest time, they chopped us down and cleared us out and started over with the next bunch.
When it was over everyone threw their graduation caps in the air. Some of them zoomed really high and others just sort of flopped up and fell right back down. And everybody cheered and hugged and I snuck outside as quick as I could. And I just wanted to leave but then I couldnât find Darcy and I was stuck in the parking lot, moving backward as the people poured out. And people were loading their cameras and hugging each other and then I saw Mark Pierce with his parents and my whole body cringed. So I hid behind some other people and watched him through the crowd. They were taking pictures: Mark with Mom, Mark with Dad, Mark with Brian Babbit, Mark with Jim Dietz, who everybody wanted in their picture, Mark with Renee Hatfield, who tried to kiss him but she just got his cheek because Mark Pierce never looked anywhere but straight into the camera.
And I was getting a headache and it seemed really muggy all of a sudden and I leaned on a car but it was hot from the sun and it burned me. And then I burped and I remembered the tequila and Scott Haskell and his horrible penis and it was so awful I almost threw up. And I felt dizzy and weird
want
us to be their girlfriends, they were
glad
we were stupid and didnât make any demands and just hung around so they could fondle us whenever they wanted. And Mark Pierce never loved me, he didnât even
like
me, he just liked how stupid I was. And he was probably having sex with Renee Hatfield the whole time, probably right this second they were in her parentsâ bed doing it and laughing their heads off. And then Darcy said, âI donât feel like ice cream.â And I said, âI feel sick.â And Darcy started the car and drove us both home.
Three days later was graduation. I wouldnât have even gone except Darcyâs brother was graduating and she didnât want to go by herself. And I looked all around in case Scott Haskell was there but I didnât see him. In the gym Darcy sat with her parents and I sat with Rebecca Farnhurst, who was telling everyone that Mr. Angelo said we were a bad generation and in ten years the kids would be good again. And then she started gossiping about how Cindy wanted to videotape having sex but Dave didnât want to and they were arguing about it at lunch right in front of everybody. And all I could think of was Rebecca finding out about Scott and spreading it all over school. So I just stared straight ahead and tried to ignore her. I watched the seniors line up to go on stage. Mark Pierce was in the line. And Brian Babbit. And Jim Dietz. And they were all laughing and having the greatest time. And then the line started moving and up they went, gettingtheir diplomas and shaking hands with Mrs. Katz, our principal. And all the parents took pictures and celebrated and congratulated each other, as if a monkey couldnât graduate from Hillside. And Rebecca nudged me and pointed to Mrs. Parmeter, who was picking at something in her ear. And everybody giggled and made fun of her and also Mr. Angelo, who was sweating and dabbing his face with a napkin. And I thought about how we were just a job to them. We were like so much grass growing, or weeds maybe, they watered us and fertilized us and when it was harvest time, they chopped us down and cleared us out and started over with the next bunch.
When it was over everyone threw their graduation caps in the air. Some of them zoomed really high and others just sort of flopped up and fell right back down. And everybody cheered and hugged and I snuck outside as quick as I could. And I just wanted to leave but then I couldnât find Darcy and I was stuck in the parking lot, moving backward as the people poured out. And people were loading their cameras and hugging each other and then I saw Mark Pierce with his parents and my whole body cringed. So I hid behind some other people and watched him through the crowd. They were taking pictures: Mark with Mom, Mark with Dad, Mark with Brian Babbit, Mark with Jim Dietz, who everybody wanted in their picture, Mark with Renee Hatfield, who tried to kiss him but she just got his cheek because Mark Pierce never looked anywhere but straight into the camera.
And I was getting a headache and it seemed really muggy all of a sudden and I leaned on a car but it was hot from the sun and it burned me. And then I burped and I remembered the tequila and Scott Haskell and his horrible penis and it was so awful I almost threw up. And I felt dizzy and weird
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