Good Chemistry by George Stephenson

Judy’s eagerness to proceed would be too much for her to resist.
    “Judy, I’m home.” Bernie called out after she opened the door. Like a frenetic dog, pent up all day and running to greet its master, Judy practically jumped up on Bernie and licked her face.
    “So did you get it? Did you bring it?” Judy started her barrage right on cue. “I wish you would give this a little more thought. What if something goes wrong? This might actually kill you!”
    Bernie’s eyes searched Judy’s, pleading for her not to do this. Judy’s pleaded right back. “You can’t back out on me now. Every scientific breakthrough that has ever been made required some brave soul to be the first to try it.”
    To Bernie that was really playing dirty. She knew that what she was saying was true. Now, even the scientific side of her was getting roped in. “Well, all right. I know we don’t really have any other choice at this point. Did you decide who you want to be the first test subject?” Bernie braced herself for who-knew-what Judy might say.
    “How about the guy next door?”
    “Steve? Judy! Come on. Be serious. Be realistic. That guy can’t stand you. He’s hated you ever since you backed your truck into his precious Porsche. He can’t look at you without grimacing.” Bernie was becoming angry. She thought Judy wasn’t taking this seriously.
    “No, Bernie, I’m not kidding around. Don’t you see? He’s the perfect test subject. Steve’s not some a random stranger. We know he actively dislikes me. If we can make it work on him, it will work on anybody.” Judy’s logic was flawless. After years of bunking with Bernie, it appeared, she had picked something up by osmosis.
    “Well, how are we supposed to get him over here? He hates me too, you know. I’m guilty by association as far as he’s concerned.”
    Judy’s wheels were turning, and Bernie joined her in trying to think up a way to get the neighbor to come over to their house. “Okay how about this? We kidnap his dog. That would get him to come over.” Judy bubbled when she thought she’d solved the problem.
    “Yeah, but he’d just ask if we’ve seen his dog and when we say ‘no’ he’ll simply move on and keep looking.”
    Judy frowned as her best thinking was shot down. “Oh, oh, how about this, then. We say some of his mail came to our house by mistake.” Judy arched her eyebrows at her ingenuity.
    “Judy, that’s even worse than your first idea. In order to tell him that, we’d have to walk over to his house and we’d have to take the supposed mail with us.” Bernie started tapping her finger to her forehead.
    “Oh wait! I got it. How about this, you go over and tell him I’m having a heart attack.” Judy was sure she’d finally done it.
    “Judy, he would call nine-one-one. We would have an ambulance here trying to take you to the hospital.” Judy’s face puckered as Bernie shot down her last idea.
    “Oh wait,” Bernie said. “I’ve got it. We could put an alligator in his house.” Bernie smiled broadly at her own brilliance. But Judy, in turn, turned the tables and shot a hole through her idea.
    “What about his dog? An alligator will eat his dog. And besides, just like you said about my idea, he would call nine-one-one.” Judy gave a smug look certain she had, for once, matched Bernie’s intellect.
    “Oh hold on,” Bernie said, completely ignoring Judy’s moment. “We could lock his dog in an upstairs bedroom and jam his cell phone signal. We have a photonic analyzer at the lab. It knocks out cell phone reception for a city block every time we use it. He doesn’t have a land line. We just have to get him over here to use our phone”
    Bernie looked at her inquisitively as she awaited Judy’s answer.
    “You know, that just might work.” Judy nodded approvingly. Her eyes narrowed as her wheels started turning. “Well, whatever we’re going to do we’d better make it quick. He’ll be home in less than an