Heart of Glass by Lindy Dale

to be so short with me. “Is everything okay.”
    He was silent for a moment
and then, out of the blue, a floodgate opened. “Oh Bella, it’s so
hard.”
    “ What is?”
    “ Being without you, I’m
hopeless without you. I miss you so much. I’ve even dream about
you.”
    My mouth curved against the
mouthpiece. “You do?”
    “ Mmm. Last night I dreamt
we were making love on a beach. Why can’t we be together? I want
you so much. You make it so hard when you knock me back all the
time.” I felt the warmth flooding through me as he spoke, it was
comforting to hear his voice and he sounded genuine when said that
he had missed me but something still wasn’t right.
    “ You know I’m not ready. I
thought you understood.”
    Ben sighed.  “I don’t
think you’ll ever be ready.”
    “ When are you coming to
town again?”
    “ Not for a couple of weeks.
The National Titles start next week - that’s in Darwin - and when I
get back, the athletics season begins. I’m the Captain of St
Michael’s this year so I really want to win. Plus, I’ve got a
shitload of school work to catch up on before that.”
    I suppose he was busy but it
sounded as if he was trying to get rid of me.
    “ I miss you,
Ben.”
    “ Me too.”
    “ I wish you were holding me
now.”
    Ben was quiet for a moment.
“Don’t talk about it, Bella. It’s too painful to think that I might
be without you for even a day. I wish we didn’t have all this shit
keeping us apart. I just wish we could be together without everyone
else getting in the way.”
    “ I feel the same
way.”
    “ Put your fingers on the
mouthpiece and close your eyes.” His voice was like a whisper in
the night and even though it was a weird request, I did as he
asked. “Can you feel it?”
    “ What?”
    “ My fingers. They’re
touching yours.”
    The tears fell softly down
my cheek. I could feel him there, with me, touching me. “Oh Ben.
Please come soon.”
    Little did I know, but I was
going to need him in the next few months. He would be all I
had.
    ***
    The ‘big freeze’ began after
the fight between Lucy and I, coinciding with a cold snap in the
weather that saw the already freezing temperatures plummet even
further. I could see the girls gathered in our spot in the common
room as I ran in, dreadfully late, my cheeks rosy from the hike
across the quadrangle in the subzero cold. They were huddling
close, their hands covered in grey gloves and their necks wrapped
in woolly scarves, as they tried to keep warm.
    “ Sorry,” I said, pushing
into my usual place, “Mr Wilson kept us in, he’s such an ogre.” I
took a sip of my chocolate.
    Prue hoisted her ample
bottom closer to the bank heater. “The heating in this school is
abysmal. You’d think with the fees our parents pay, the nuns could
provide us with at least basic heating. It’s appalling.”
    “ What’s more appalling is
the fact that you’re hogging all the heat, move your butt over!”
said Lucy, squeezing her slim form in between us and shoving me out
of the way.
    Jen took off her gloves
revealing red, swollen fingers. “Look at my hands, these chilblains
is disgusting. How will Tim ever love me with hands that are so
ugly?”
    “ If he loves you, he won’t
care what your hands look like.”
    Lucy rolled her eyes. “God,
can’t you ask him out? Your obsessing is so irritating.”
    I agreed. “It’s a good idea.
Tim might be too shy to ask you.”
    Silence.
    Jen continued to examine her
sausage like fingers and Lucy turned her back, barking an order at
one of her servants. I could feel the tension hanging in the air,
as certainly as if I had rubbed my thumb on a cheese grater. I
stood, watching and listening, waiting to see what they were up to
now. The room was quieter than the hall at exam time.
    “ Do you think I should call
Ben?” I blurted, “I haven’t heard from him for a while and I know
he’s back from Darwin.”
    Since our phone
conversation, I’d heard no more. We hadn’t