detect the resentment in her voice and know I deserved it.
“Look, I’m just …” I trail off and sit back down in my chair. I lower my head in the palms of my hands, then run my fingers through my hair. I’m at a complete loss. What do I do?
Grace places her hand on my shoulder and gently tries to pull me back. “Brian, what’s wrong?”
“I need to tell you something. I know I should’ve gotten with you first… before I did it.” I can tell by the look on Grace’s face that she’s confused and not following me.
“I’m waiting. What have you done, Brian?”
I’m quiet for a moment, not sure where to start.
“I sent my ex-wife an email,” I blurt out. “About Chloe. About my dad.”
Grace leans down and wraps her arms around me. I take a deep breath, relieved to finally get it off my chest. I let her hold me for a minute.
“Well, have you heard back? Is this what has you so out of sorts tonight?”
“No, I sent it two days ago. I know I should’ve had you read over it, but I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Wake me? What do you mean?” Grace looks confused.
“I had trouble sleeping so I got up after we’d gone to bed. Ever since we got the information from Mr. Steadman, I’ve been going over in my head things I wanted to say. I just needed to send it before it was too late. Before something happened to my dad. I don’t know what I’d do if…”
“Honey, it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up over this.” Grace consoles me and I try to remain hopeful. “But it’s not helping that you keeping looking over at your messages. We don’t know for sure if she’s going to reply.”
“I know. But I’d hate knowing I didn’t read it, you know, as soon as she sent it.”
“It could be days or even weeks,” Grace hesitates. “Or, you might not hear from her at all.”
I know she’s right. I may never hear anything from Jennifer and all of this could be for nothing.
Brady begins to cry and I stand up from the chair. He’s been napping for a while so I’m sure he’s ready to get up. Not to mention, he needs a diaper changing, too. “Let me get him. Maybe spending some quality time together will take my mind off things,” I tell Grace and leave the room.
I can’t lose focus on my own family right now.
****
After getting Brady changed, I decide to take him to the park. There’s one a few blocks from our house and I feel like spending some father-son time with him.
Rather than carry him since he’s still not very good at walking yet, I put him in the umbrella stroller we keep in the hall closet. It’s much easier to maneuver than the bigger, fold-up one we generally keep in the back of Grace’s SUV. Out on the front lawn, Grace hands Brady a sippy cup of juice and a plastic container with goldfish crackers. She also hands me a bottled water, then reaches out to rub my arm.
“It’s going to be alright, Brian. I think you did the right thing.”
I look into Grace’s green eyes and hope she’s right.
I push Brady to the end of the driveway and look both ways before crossing the road. Hopefully, spending this time with him will help clear my head. It’s hard to believe Brady is already a year old. Before you know it, he’ll be starting school, then dating girls. I really need to stop. One thing is certain, I will not take my time with him for granted. Not ever. I know, firsthand, how it feels to miss out on every single thing in a child’s life.
When we get to the park, I unhook the safety belt and he toddles over to the sandbox. Why do kids enjoy the sand so much?
Before long, it’s all in his sandals, then his hair. Hopefully, he won’t try to eat any this time. I sit on one of the benches a few feet away and pull out my phone. As tempting as it is to check my email from it, I remain strong. Instead, I dial my mom’s number and hope she’s had a fairly easy day with dad. She picks up on the second ring.
“Hello?” she says, struggling to catch her
“Look, I’m just …” I trail off and sit back down in my chair. I lower my head in the palms of my hands, then run my fingers through my hair. I’m at a complete loss. What do I do?
Grace places her hand on my shoulder and gently tries to pull me back. “Brian, what’s wrong?”
“I need to tell you something. I know I should’ve gotten with you first… before I did it.” I can tell by the look on Grace’s face that she’s confused and not following me.
“I’m waiting. What have you done, Brian?”
I’m quiet for a moment, not sure where to start.
“I sent my ex-wife an email,” I blurt out. “About Chloe. About my dad.”
Grace leans down and wraps her arms around me. I take a deep breath, relieved to finally get it off my chest. I let her hold me for a minute.
“Well, have you heard back? Is this what has you so out of sorts tonight?”
“No, I sent it two days ago. I know I should’ve had you read over it, but I didn’t want to wake you.”
“Wake me? What do you mean?” Grace looks confused.
“I had trouble sleeping so I got up after we’d gone to bed. Ever since we got the information from Mr. Steadman, I’ve been going over in my head things I wanted to say. I just needed to send it before it was too late. Before something happened to my dad. I don’t know what I’d do if…”
“Honey, it’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up over this.” Grace consoles me and I try to remain hopeful. “But it’s not helping that you keeping looking over at your messages. We don’t know for sure if she’s going to reply.”
“I know. But I’d hate knowing I didn’t read it, you know, as soon as she sent it.”
“It could be days or even weeks,” Grace hesitates. “Or, you might not hear from her at all.”
I know she’s right. I may never hear anything from Jennifer and all of this could be for nothing.
Brady begins to cry and I stand up from the chair. He’s been napping for a while so I’m sure he’s ready to get up. Not to mention, he needs a diaper changing, too. “Let me get him. Maybe spending some quality time together will take my mind off things,” I tell Grace and leave the room.
I can’t lose focus on my own family right now.
****
After getting Brady changed, I decide to take him to the park. There’s one a few blocks from our house and I feel like spending some father-son time with him.
Rather than carry him since he’s still not very good at walking yet, I put him in the umbrella stroller we keep in the hall closet. It’s much easier to maneuver than the bigger, fold-up one we generally keep in the back of Grace’s SUV. Out on the front lawn, Grace hands Brady a sippy cup of juice and a plastic container with goldfish crackers. She also hands me a bottled water, then reaches out to rub my arm.
“It’s going to be alright, Brian. I think you did the right thing.”
I look into Grace’s green eyes and hope she’s right.
I push Brady to the end of the driveway and look both ways before crossing the road. Hopefully, spending this time with him will help clear my head. It’s hard to believe Brady is already a year old. Before you know it, he’ll be starting school, then dating girls. I really need to stop. One thing is certain, I will not take my time with him for granted. Not ever. I know, firsthand, how it feels to miss out on every single thing in a child’s life.
When we get to the park, I unhook the safety belt and he toddles over to the sandbox. Why do kids enjoy the sand so much?
Before long, it’s all in his sandals, then his hair. Hopefully, he won’t try to eat any this time. I sit on one of the benches a few feet away and pull out my phone. As tempting as it is to check my email from it, I remain strong. Instead, I dial my mom’s number and hope she’s had a fairly easy day with dad. She picks up on the second ring.
“Hello?” she says, struggling to catch her
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