difference in their lives!” Ali’s voice rose so much that Simba’s head popped up, her floppy ears alert for sounds of trouble. There was silence on the other end of the line as she waited on her sister’s response.
Ali felt the pressure of deeply buried emotions well up in her throat, knowing there was so much more to the story.
Chapter Seven
“A li, what’s this really all about?” Erin asked. “You’re very good at your job and you know it takes time and patience to change behavior. Why the big rush to throw in the towel on this case?”
Ali steered the Land Rover into a nearby Waffle House parking lot and slipped between the lines of an empty space. She lowered the windows and cut the engine, glad it was late and nobody would see her so close to tears. She crossed her right forearm over her eyes to block out a nearby street lamp.
“Ali, you still there?”
“Yes,” she whispered into the cell phone.
“Hey! I can hear how upset you are. Talk to me.”
Talk was good therapy Ali knew that for a fact. But she also knew there were some memories better left undisturbed. She’d try to explain this to Erin but there were not enough words in the English language todescribe how she’d felt when that call had come in late one night nearly eight years ago.
“Doctor Stone? This is Rose from your answering service. Darien Sims was pronounced dead on arrival at City General about two hours ago. His mother found his body when she made her nightly check on him. Darien had hung himself in his closet.”
Ali was stunned by the news, unable to speak.
“Doctor Stone? I hope I did the right thing by calling you so late.”
“Of course you did, Rose. Good night.”
Ali tried to stand but her legs folded beneath her. Instead of climbing to her feet she only made it as far as her knees, where she wept and prayed for the soul of the boy everyone had failed.
The boy with Asperger’s.
“Oh, Ali, I had no idea,” Erin’s voice was hushed.
“They taught us in school that patient suicide was a professional hazard nobody escapes. But being armed with that fact in your head doesn’t prepare you to deal with it in your heart.” She crossed her arms and hugged her chest where it ached with the memory. “It seems like young people today are more desperate to get away from their problems than we ever were. Even in my darkest days I never considered taking my life to escape what I was enduring.”
“You don’t feel responsible for that boy’s death, do you?”
“No.” Ali shook her head, a reassuring motion. “But I can’t help thinking that I treated his case like a lab exercise instead of the life of a human being.”
“What do you mean?”
“For my Ph.D. dissertation I chose Asperger’s and studied Darien’s case for months. It wasn’t until Darien took his own life that I realized I’d never fully engaged with him. I had no idea he was capable of carrying out the act of suicide.”
“And you believed you’d failed him?”
“Of course. But even worse, I felt justified in keeping my distance. If I don’t keep an emotional-free zone with my clients my spirit will be like an open wound that never heals.” Ali was afraid that revealing her self-centered nature would drive away the sister she hardly knew as an adult.
“Ali, I understand. Really, I do.” Erin’s voice was soft, forgiving as she spoke into her phone. “I built a career out of observing and documenting other people’s lives. And I knew all along exactly what it was—a vicarious existence without the messy personal part.”
“Do you feel like you missed out on real life?”
“Oh, sure. But Dana and Daniel are giving me a crash course and it’s a wild ride.” Erin chuckled.
“Well, enjoy this special time, Erin Elise. You deserve good things.”
“That’s true for both of us, Ali. The Lord is using you in a powerful way, so don’t be too hard on yourself.”
Ali lowered her chin and mouthed “Thank You,”
Ali felt the pressure of deeply buried emotions well up in her throat, knowing there was so much more to the story.
Chapter Seven
“A li, what’s this really all about?” Erin asked. “You’re very good at your job and you know it takes time and patience to change behavior. Why the big rush to throw in the towel on this case?”
Ali steered the Land Rover into a nearby Waffle House parking lot and slipped between the lines of an empty space. She lowered the windows and cut the engine, glad it was late and nobody would see her so close to tears. She crossed her right forearm over her eyes to block out a nearby street lamp.
“Ali, you still there?”
“Yes,” she whispered into the cell phone.
“Hey! I can hear how upset you are. Talk to me.”
Talk was good therapy Ali knew that for a fact. But she also knew there were some memories better left undisturbed. She’d try to explain this to Erin but there were not enough words in the English language todescribe how she’d felt when that call had come in late one night nearly eight years ago.
“Doctor Stone? This is Rose from your answering service. Darien Sims was pronounced dead on arrival at City General about two hours ago. His mother found his body when she made her nightly check on him. Darien had hung himself in his closet.”
Ali was stunned by the news, unable to speak.
“Doctor Stone? I hope I did the right thing by calling you so late.”
“Of course you did, Rose. Good night.”
Ali tried to stand but her legs folded beneath her. Instead of climbing to her feet she only made it as far as her knees, where she wept and prayed for the soul of the boy everyone had failed.
The boy with Asperger’s.
“Oh, Ali, I had no idea,” Erin’s voice was hushed.
“They taught us in school that patient suicide was a professional hazard nobody escapes. But being armed with that fact in your head doesn’t prepare you to deal with it in your heart.” She crossed her arms and hugged her chest where it ached with the memory. “It seems like young people today are more desperate to get away from their problems than we ever were. Even in my darkest days I never considered taking my life to escape what I was enduring.”
“You don’t feel responsible for that boy’s death, do you?”
“No.” Ali shook her head, a reassuring motion. “But I can’t help thinking that I treated his case like a lab exercise instead of the life of a human being.”
“What do you mean?”
“For my Ph.D. dissertation I chose Asperger’s and studied Darien’s case for months. It wasn’t until Darien took his own life that I realized I’d never fully engaged with him. I had no idea he was capable of carrying out the act of suicide.”
“And you believed you’d failed him?”
“Of course. But even worse, I felt justified in keeping my distance. If I don’t keep an emotional-free zone with my clients my spirit will be like an open wound that never heals.” Ali was afraid that revealing her self-centered nature would drive away the sister she hardly knew as an adult.
“Ali, I understand. Really, I do.” Erin’s voice was soft, forgiving as she spoke into her phone. “I built a career out of observing and documenting other people’s lives. And I knew all along exactly what it was—a vicarious existence without the messy personal part.”
“Do you feel like you missed out on real life?”
“Oh, sure. But Dana and Daniel are giving me a crash course and it’s a wild ride.” Erin chuckled.
“Well, enjoy this special time, Erin Elise. You deserve good things.”
“That’s true for both of us, Ali. The Lord is using you in a powerful way, so don’t be too hard on yourself.”
Ali lowered her chin and mouthed “Thank You,”
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