fucked-up town! Nothing but blame and pointing fingers. Well, fuck this shit!” His voice was echoing down the empty street as his voice rose to deafening levels. “You know what, Beau? I don’t give a shit! I don’t need anyone - not you, not our parents, not one fuckin’ soul in this town! You can all go fuck yourselves. I don’t care about any of you. I’ll burn this whole goddamned town to the fuckin’ ground, do you fuckin’ hear me, Beau?”
“Fuck you, Lee,” I said, getting in his face again, my voice lowered and filled with fury. “You stay the fuck away from George, you understand?”
“Yeah, big brother, I hear you loud and fuckin’ clear!”
He stomped away, and I watched him march down the street, his fists clenched, his head shaking. When he reached the convenience store at the end of the block, he grabbed a full metal trashcan that was on the corner out front and threw it, trash and all, back towards me.
With both hands in the air, he flipped me off before he rounded the corner.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
The next morning, I was up at dawn. I couldn’t sleep at all, tossing and turning in my bed all night, as I continued to beat myself up about telling Finn about Lee.
Hell, it’s not like what happened with Lee was the end of the world. It’s not like I hadn’t been touched before. I wasn’t even a virgin, as all my brothers, and the Haggard’s, seem to want to think.
I probably would have gone even farther with Lee, if he hadn’t been so forceful and gone so fast. I didn’t even have time to think, and then when he didn’t listen when I said no, I wasn’t about to tolerate that from him, or anyone, for that matter. I wasn’t a naive girl. I had made it through high school and college. It was impossible to do that and have much innocence left.
I had had a few boyfriends, but they didn’t last very long. And sex had been pleasurable with them, if not awkward and quick. I had long ago learned to take care of myself in that department.
The thing with Lee, though, it just rubbed me the wrong way. He was Lee Haggard, for god’s sake.
After staring at the ceiling for an hour, I couldn’t stand listening to the thoughts spinning around my head any longer. I got up, showered, dressed and started my chores early.
When I walked in the barn, I was greeted by the usual welcome chorus of whinnies from the herd. Cherokee, always the loudest and most demanding, had me trained. I walked straight over to him, and kissed him between his clear, chestnut eyes, inhaling the comforting scent of him. He raised his head, and I ran my hand along his long, sleek neck. His tail swished around, and his ears moved forward as he leaned into me.
“Morning, boy,” I whispered. I set out, as I did every morning, performing the steps that I had methodically performed almost every morning for as long as I could remember. My parents had bestowed this lovely chore on me at a young age. In part, to instill a sense of responsibility. But at the time, I was sure it was just an easy way to get me out of bed in the morning.
They knew I’d never leave the horses unattended. Eventually, though, I was thankful for it. Sleeping in was an easy thing to give up in exchange for what I received from the horses, all alone with them, in the quiet, peaceful solitude of the early morning.
I had a special bond with the horses because of it. At this point, communication between us was silent most of the time. A move of my hand or body, and they were able to understand exactly where I wanted them to go or what I needed them to do.
It was truly the most special relationship I had in my life. Especially, now that my parents were gone.
So, even though I was distracted with the entire Lee situation, and worried about my over-protective brothers doing something stupid, I was thankful for the warm wave of peacefulness that the horses provided.
I was in the barn sweeping when Beau walked in.
Beau Haggard had always been kind to
“Fuck you, Lee,” I said, getting in his face again, my voice lowered and filled with fury. “You stay the fuck away from George, you understand?”
“Yeah, big brother, I hear you loud and fuckin’ clear!”
He stomped away, and I watched him march down the street, his fists clenched, his head shaking. When he reached the convenience store at the end of the block, he grabbed a full metal trashcan that was on the corner out front and threw it, trash and all, back towards me.
With both hands in the air, he flipped me off before he rounded the corner.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
The next morning, I was up at dawn. I couldn’t sleep at all, tossing and turning in my bed all night, as I continued to beat myself up about telling Finn about Lee.
Hell, it’s not like what happened with Lee was the end of the world. It’s not like I hadn’t been touched before. I wasn’t even a virgin, as all my brothers, and the Haggard’s, seem to want to think.
I probably would have gone even farther with Lee, if he hadn’t been so forceful and gone so fast. I didn’t even have time to think, and then when he didn’t listen when I said no, I wasn’t about to tolerate that from him, or anyone, for that matter. I wasn’t a naive girl. I had made it through high school and college. It was impossible to do that and have much innocence left.
I had had a few boyfriends, but they didn’t last very long. And sex had been pleasurable with them, if not awkward and quick. I had long ago learned to take care of myself in that department.
The thing with Lee, though, it just rubbed me the wrong way. He was Lee Haggard, for god’s sake.
After staring at the ceiling for an hour, I couldn’t stand listening to the thoughts spinning around my head any longer. I got up, showered, dressed and started my chores early.
When I walked in the barn, I was greeted by the usual welcome chorus of whinnies from the herd. Cherokee, always the loudest and most demanding, had me trained. I walked straight over to him, and kissed him between his clear, chestnut eyes, inhaling the comforting scent of him. He raised his head, and I ran my hand along his long, sleek neck. His tail swished around, and his ears moved forward as he leaned into me.
“Morning, boy,” I whispered. I set out, as I did every morning, performing the steps that I had methodically performed almost every morning for as long as I could remember. My parents had bestowed this lovely chore on me at a young age. In part, to instill a sense of responsibility. But at the time, I was sure it was just an easy way to get me out of bed in the morning.
They knew I’d never leave the horses unattended. Eventually, though, I was thankful for it. Sleeping in was an easy thing to give up in exchange for what I received from the horses, all alone with them, in the quiet, peaceful solitude of the early morning.
I had a special bond with the horses because of it. At this point, communication between us was silent most of the time. A move of my hand or body, and they were able to understand exactly where I wanted them to go or what I needed them to do.
It was truly the most special relationship I had in my life. Especially, now that my parents were gone.
So, even though I was distracted with the entire Lee situation, and worried about my over-protective brothers doing something stupid, I was thankful for the warm wave of peacefulness that the horses provided.
I was in the barn sweeping when Beau walked in.
Beau Haggard had always been kind to
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