House Arrest by K.A. Holt Page A

tires have zero holes.
Yeah, we did all this , José rolls his eyes, hits my shoulder.
I did all this , José’s dad rolls his eyes, punches José in the shoulder.
With help! José laughs.
With help , his dad says.
It looks great , I say.
Less like a turtle every day. They both hit me on the shoulder
and we all laugh.

WEEK 2 6
    Breathless.
I hate to use that word.
You know.
But this is how I actually felt
driving to Mrs. B’s office.
Mom said,
You’re acting really weird. I said,
No, I’m not! But my knee was bouncing
my fingers tapping
my eyes watching the
slow slow slow
speedometer.
Then we were there.
I sprinted up the stairs
accidentally banging the door to the office
when I threw it open.
Mrs. B’s eyes grew and grew
along with her smile
when I said,
Hey, Mrs. B! I saw the tiny shrug
she shared with Mom,
then we were in her office.
I was bouncing on her couch:
So? What did he say? Just by her face I knew to stop bouncing.
She tucked her hair behind her ears,
she sucked her bottom lip for 1.2 seconds.
No response yet, she said.
I was breathless again
but this time the opposite way,
the punched-in-the-stomach way.
But! She held up her hand.
It’s only been a week.
He’s very busy.
Take a deep breath, Timothy.
Give him time.
Time is not an easy thing, Mrs. B,
when Levi could use so much help
right this very second and the next second
and the one after that.
I thought the whole point
of me sending that e-mail
from your e-mail address
was to get the doctor to e-mail back
FASTER.
I will find the money to give to Dr. Sawyer.
All the money he needs.
But finding the time to wait for him?
You can’t have bake sales for that.

    I already know.
I know.
I know!
Thank you, Mrs. B, for explaining to me how it works.
But I already know.
I read it on the website.
You call.
You make an appointment.
But then what?
It’s the then what that needs the answers.
It’s the then what that worries me.
It’s the then what that’s making me e-mail him.
When I tell Mom the Cincinnati plan
I need answers for ALL of the then whats plus probably some extra ones, too.
I need so many answers.

    José opened the door.
I guess I looked surprised
when I said, Oh, hi. It’s you.
Who did you think it would be? He laughed.
I swallowed.
Because
um
I thought it would be Isa.
I thought I would tell her that Dr. Sawyer
hadn’t responded.
I thought maybe her long eyelashes
would dip down
and her dark eyes would look up
and she would say,
Oh, man. That stinks, Timothy. And I would nod.
And maybe she would pat my arm.
My face flushed
and José narrowed his eyes.
He looked red-hot mad
then he said,
She’s right here. GORDITA! he shouted
making me red-hot mad
and then there she was
and he was gone.

    Simpering.
It’s a word I didn’t know.
I thought it meant something to do with food.
But that’s not it.
Simpering is smiling
when you think you’re better than everyone else.
Simpering is looking at your hands,
shrugging,
then smirking and saying words that cut like knives.
It’s amazing how long you have managed, simpered Mary.
He really does have complex medical needs,
doesn’t he? simpered Mary.
We all need four hands, don’t we? Just for one baby! simpered Mary.
I can’t even simper back, because I’m scared.
I’m scared she’s up to something.
I can see it in her eyes.
Those big, stupid cow eyes.

    Who are you to tell us what he needs? I screamed it.
So loud.
So loud.
My throat felt like I’d swallowed sandpaper.
She doesn’t know him.
She doesn’t know anything.
She thinks happy leg means he needs a new diaper.
What does she know?
Zero things.
None of the things.
And she’s always talking in that baby voice.
That fake, awful baby voice.
She thinks he should be moved to a facility .
She thinks he needs more care than we can give him .
I give him ALL my cares!
The only thing I can care about is Levi!
And it’s the same with Mom.
I