How to Be a Normal Person by TJ Klune

a man built for things that were difficult and wrong. Everything had an order. Everything had its place. And Casey Richards was ruining it. He was ruining Gus .
    “You’re staring at him,” Lottie said.
    “I am not,” Gus said as he stared directly at Casey. “I’m watching to make sure he doesn’t steal anything.”
    “Yeah,” Lottie said. “Heaven forbid he should steal an empty movie box. Oh no. What is the world coming to?”
    “He was stoned on the job,” Gus whispered furiously.
    “Did he get your order right?”
    “What? Yes! It was—”
    “Then what does it matter? I have no problem with it. It’s medicinal. Sort of.”
    “He said he had stigmata!”
    Lottie grinned. “Yeah, he isn’t always the sharpest tool in the shed when he’s baked. Doesn’t hurt anyone, though. Like an adorable little puppy.”
    “It hurt me,” Gus said. “A lot. Mortally, even. And if he’s an adorable little puppy, he’s the kind that shits everywhere.”
    “You think he’s adorable?” Lottie asked, arching an eyebrow.
    Gus’s mind sort of went fuzzy at that. “What? No! I don’t. Just. He shouldn’t be smoking while working!”
    “Because you’re so anti-weed and all,” she said, rolling her eyes. “No son of Pastor Tommy would ever have a problem with pot.”
    Which. Sure. Fair point. But whatever. “Why didn’t you tell me he was coming here?”
    “Because I wanted to see the look on your face when you saw him for the first time,” she said. “I was hiding in the back and watched everything. It was precious. Your face was priceless. Such feigned righteous indignation. I forgot to get video, though. I had muffins on the brain.”
    “Oh my god,” Gus said. “I am evicting you from the coffee shop. Hand in your keys now. Leave town.”
    “Landlord-tenant acts,” she taunted him. “I’m protected by law.”
    “Who’s a landlord?” Casey asked and Gus absolutely did not squeak again, no matter what Casey’s smile said. And he was standing so close , like he had a right to be behind the counter.
    “Gus here,” Lottie said. “He owns the building the coffee shop is in. And the video store. And the hardware store. And the convenience store. Now that I think about it, pretty much all the buildings here. Treats all the tenants real good.” She patted his arm and Gus refused to feel warm at that. He failed miserably.
    Casey’s eyes widened. “Whoa. You own everything ? Far out, man.”
    “No,” Gus grumbled. “I don’t own everything. Just almost everything.” Actually, Pastor Tommy had owned almost everything. He’d bought most of the storefronts in the eighties and nineties, flipping them and lowering the rent for the business owners. When he had died, everything had gone to Gus. But Casey didn’t need to know that because Gus didn’t know Casey. And he didn’t want to. Not even a little bit.
    “Well,” Casey said. “Still. Impressive. Hey, you eating that?” And he plucked the sandwich out of Gus’s hand and took a bite, before giving it back and grinning through a mouthful of egg salad. He started to masticate , even as more words fell out of his mouth. “Also, since I’m living the dream here, I’ve decided to sign up for a video membership so I can rent high-end movies like Sharknado . I even saw Leprechaun 4: In Space . Or, you know, the one where the murderous leprechaun goes to space . Lay an application on me, Grumpy Gus.”
    “Get out,” Gus said, completely serious.
    Casey grinned and didn’t even look remotely offended. Gus was obviously losing his touch. He would have to try harder next time. “Nah,” Casey said. “I’m good.”
    “You have to be eighteen,” Gus tried. He hoped it didn’t sound like he was fishing. Because he wasn’t.
    Casey squinted at him. “Man, I have a beard .”
    Gus tried not to look at said beard and most certainly did not want to touch it. The idea alone was ridiculous and Gus would not entertain it in the slightest.