it’s more like a deep appreciation and sense of gratitude. I don’t know if I’d even know what love was if it hit me in the face. I was robbed of that, uh, innate, primal, instinctive love you get from a family. Sure the people I lived with throughout my life were caring and kind and generous, but it takes so much more than that to love and I just didn’t get it. I’m not a bad person for it, I’m just inexperienced.”
“Undereducated,” Callem added.
I chuckled. “Exactly. So it’s hard for me to know what I would do in that kind of situation since I’ve never had to deal with or fight with or debate with my rational thoughts versus the thoughts of someone in love. I’ve heard love makes people crazy, but what would I know,” I said playfully, rising a hearty laugh from Callem.
It was then I realized we had both finished our meals and were lounging in an awkward pause in conversation. The server brought the sleek black folder containing the bill. He was about to hand the folder to Callem before I intervened.
“Thank you for dinner,” Callem said as I slipped my credit card in the folder and dangled it over the edge of the table.
“You’re very welcome. I know this is overkill, but I’m still not over how wonderful you were last night. I cringe at the idea of what could have happened and you’re in my debt for it.”
“Not anymore,” Callem said, tapping the folder with his forefinger. “You’ve just wiped the slate. We’re even.”
“I hardly think a piece of fish cooked and served to you is payment enough.”
“It’s more than enough, especially when you couple it with your company.”
I turned my head, smiling. “You’re too kind.” Another silence. I racked my brain rapidly, scrounging for a conversational topic, but came up empty handed, like usual. I’m no good at this.
As Callem pulled up outside the office, dropping me off at my car, I didn’t want to get out of his car. I didn’t want to say ‘good-night’. The scariest thing was I didn’t understand why I felt this way.
“Just remember, you can call me if you need anything. A ride home from somewhere or someone to upgrade your security system, anything really,” Callem said as he pulled alongside my Toyota.
I nodded slowly. “Well, this was fun. Thank you for the ride. I’ll see you around.” I didn’t know what else to say as I pried myself from his car. He waited until I was in my car and it was started before he drove off.
I leaned my head on the back of the seat, exhaling deeply. “What the hell is wrong with me?” I whispered.
2013 - Olivia
Breathe. Just breathe.
How did it come to this? How could I have been so blind to all of it? I sat on the edge of the bed, staring into an invisible abyss. My eyes stung from the crying I’d done. My skin was still crawling with disgust. I wish I could take it off and send it to the dry cleaner. That still wouldn’t wash off the years of lies and deceit. My hands hadn’t stopped shaking since I put the pieces together.
I looked at the clock. I’d been sitting in this spot for almost two hours, memories racing through my mind. So many things I’d missed. So many things that made sense now. So many questions I had unanswered that I probably didn’t want to know the answers to.
He’d be home soon. He’d realize I left.
He’d realize I knew.
I stood up, walked over to the phone, and dialed Erin. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
“Hello,” Erin answered after a few rings.
“Hey,” I said lightly.
“Hey, who is this?” she asked.
“It’s Liv,” I said. Even though I called her from the hotel phone and she didn’t know the number I was calling from, I figured she still would have known it was me. I must have sounded awful if she didn’t recognize my voice.
“Oh, hey stranger. Haven’t heard from you all week. Where are
“Undereducated,” Callem added.
I chuckled. “Exactly. So it’s hard for me to know what I would do in that kind of situation since I’ve never had to deal with or fight with or debate with my rational thoughts versus the thoughts of someone in love. I’ve heard love makes people crazy, but what would I know,” I said playfully, rising a hearty laugh from Callem.
It was then I realized we had both finished our meals and were lounging in an awkward pause in conversation. The server brought the sleek black folder containing the bill. He was about to hand the folder to Callem before I intervened.
“Thank you for dinner,” Callem said as I slipped my credit card in the folder and dangled it over the edge of the table.
“You’re very welcome. I know this is overkill, but I’m still not over how wonderful you were last night. I cringe at the idea of what could have happened and you’re in my debt for it.”
“Not anymore,” Callem said, tapping the folder with his forefinger. “You’ve just wiped the slate. We’re even.”
“I hardly think a piece of fish cooked and served to you is payment enough.”
“It’s more than enough, especially when you couple it with your company.”
I turned my head, smiling. “You’re too kind.” Another silence. I racked my brain rapidly, scrounging for a conversational topic, but came up empty handed, like usual. I’m no good at this.
As Callem pulled up outside the office, dropping me off at my car, I didn’t want to get out of his car. I didn’t want to say ‘good-night’. The scariest thing was I didn’t understand why I felt this way.
“Just remember, you can call me if you need anything. A ride home from somewhere or someone to upgrade your security system, anything really,” Callem said as he pulled alongside my Toyota.
I nodded slowly. “Well, this was fun. Thank you for the ride. I’ll see you around.” I didn’t know what else to say as I pried myself from his car. He waited until I was in my car and it was started before he drove off.
I leaned my head on the back of the seat, exhaling deeply. “What the hell is wrong with me?” I whispered.
2013 - Olivia
Breathe. Just breathe.
How did it come to this? How could I have been so blind to all of it? I sat on the edge of the bed, staring into an invisible abyss. My eyes stung from the crying I’d done. My skin was still crawling with disgust. I wish I could take it off and send it to the dry cleaner. That still wouldn’t wash off the years of lies and deceit. My hands hadn’t stopped shaking since I put the pieces together.
I looked at the clock. I’d been sitting in this spot for almost two hours, memories racing through my mind. So many things I’d missed. So many things that made sense now. So many questions I had unanswered that I probably didn’t want to know the answers to.
He’d be home soon. He’d realize I left.
He’d realize I knew.
I stood up, walked over to the phone, and dialed Erin. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
“Hello,” Erin answered after a few rings.
“Hey,” I said lightly.
“Hey, who is this?” she asked.
“It’s Liv,” I said. Even though I called her from the hotel phone and she didn’t know the number I was calling from, I figured she still would have known it was me. I must have sounded awful if she didn’t recognize my voice.
“Oh, hey stranger. Haven’t heard from you all week. Where are
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