letter in my hand.
I couldn’t move, couldn’t even lift my head. Istood frozen, waiting for the words to blast me from the universe.
‘Hello, Kirby.’
Daniel? It was Daniel, not my uncle? And he’d called me by my own name. I collapsed into the chair. ‘Is Uncle Caleb here?’ I whispered.
‘Are you still alive?’ he said, smiling and lifting his eyebrows.
I shook my head. ‘No, I don’t think so. I think I died of fright.’ And what was he doing here?
‘My father wanted some papers. I offered to get them for him. I thought it might be a good idea if I came instead of him.’ He picked up a folder from the desk.
‘Thanks, Daniel. Thanks a heap.’
‘You are welcome,’ he said. ‘But he will probably come to check on you himself.’
‘Thanks. Daniel, look at this.’ I was still shaking as I held the letter out to him.
He didn’t take it. ‘It is my father’s letter,’ he said. ‘It is not my place to read it.’
Bloody hell. ‘It’s about an experiment,’ I gabbled. ‘About returning people to the Fellowship and enduring the Godlessness of the child. Me.’ I took a breath. ‘Do you know anything about it?’
He shook his head. ‘No. Such matters would be decided by the Elders at their regular meetings. They might inform the adults, but the children would never be told.’
‘Do you think …’
He smiled at me. ‘I think I had better leave, or my father will come to find me. I know nothing about it, Kirby. I am sorry.’
How could he stand it? How could he be so bloody obedient and be so happy to know nothing? I watched him drive away in a red minivan. This family seemed to have a different car every week. Would God approve, I asked myself.
I went back into the discipline room.
Twenty minutes later, Uncle Caleb showed up. He stuck his grey head round the door. ‘You are studying, Esther?’ he asked in his grey, flat voice.
To hell and back with you. ‘No, Uncle Caleb. I’m missing my mother and I need to know why she left.’
So what did the old buzzard do? He got down on his knees and prayed. It took a thousand or so years before he left. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Maggie would have been so upset, I reckon I’d have taken off right then.
Maggie was going to be upset when I did leave. But not even for Maggie could I stay here forever. I choked back a sob. At least I knew a little more now. Mum must be part of this great experiment. They wanted her back and they’d visited her and visited her and she hadn’t told me.
Oh, Mum, wha t have they done to you? And to me. A Godless child to be endured.
Four
A COUPLE OF WEEKS DRAGGED past. Mum didn’t write, my uncle still wouldn’t give me her address and my life was bounded by prayers, singing, housework and rules. The rules drove me wild. They were all written out and hung on a scroll sort of thing in our bedroom. Aunt Naomi often sent me off to read it. ‘Rule Ten,’ she would snap. ‘Go and read it.’
Then I’d have to recite it to her when I came back. ‘A daughter respects her elders. She is modest. She does not draw attention to herself.’
‘Did that not mean anything to you?’ she would sigh. ‘Braid your hair tidily, Esther. And do not try to look at your reflection in the pot lids.’
If you had a mirror in the house, I wouldn’t have to.
But I kept on trying to find something that would show me my reflection. I had nightmares about looking in a mirror and having no face.
I didn’t get to go to any Circle of Fellowshipmeetings. Maggie was sick and I offered to stay with her. That earned me a smile from my aunt. The next one I was back in the discipline room because I totally refused to start embroidering a Bible verse like the twins were doing. Aunt Naomi had caught me running down the street with the little ones. ‘Esther, you will begin sewing your text this evening. Here is the verse I have chosen for you.’
She flipped open her Bible and pointed. ‘Charity doth not behave
I couldn’t move, couldn’t even lift my head. Istood frozen, waiting for the words to blast me from the universe.
‘Hello, Kirby.’
Daniel? It was Daniel, not my uncle? And he’d called me by my own name. I collapsed into the chair. ‘Is Uncle Caleb here?’ I whispered.
‘Are you still alive?’ he said, smiling and lifting his eyebrows.
I shook my head. ‘No, I don’t think so. I think I died of fright.’ And what was he doing here?
‘My father wanted some papers. I offered to get them for him. I thought it might be a good idea if I came instead of him.’ He picked up a folder from the desk.
‘Thanks, Daniel. Thanks a heap.’
‘You are welcome,’ he said. ‘But he will probably come to check on you himself.’
‘Thanks. Daniel, look at this.’ I was still shaking as I held the letter out to him.
He didn’t take it. ‘It is my father’s letter,’ he said. ‘It is not my place to read it.’
Bloody hell. ‘It’s about an experiment,’ I gabbled. ‘About returning people to the Fellowship and enduring the Godlessness of the child. Me.’ I took a breath. ‘Do you know anything about it?’
He shook his head. ‘No. Such matters would be decided by the Elders at their regular meetings. They might inform the adults, but the children would never be told.’
‘Do you think …’
He smiled at me. ‘I think I had better leave, or my father will come to find me. I know nothing about it, Kirby. I am sorry.’
How could he stand it? How could he be so bloody obedient and be so happy to know nothing? I watched him drive away in a red minivan. This family seemed to have a different car every week. Would God approve, I asked myself.
I went back into the discipline room.
Twenty minutes later, Uncle Caleb showed up. He stuck his grey head round the door. ‘You are studying, Esther?’ he asked in his grey, flat voice.
To hell and back with you. ‘No, Uncle Caleb. I’m missing my mother and I need to know why she left.’
So what did the old buzzard do? He got down on his knees and prayed. It took a thousand or so years before he left. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Maggie would have been so upset, I reckon I’d have taken off right then.
Maggie was going to be upset when I did leave. But not even for Maggie could I stay here forever. I choked back a sob. At least I knew a little more now. Mum must be part of this great experiment. They wanted her back and they’d visited her and visited her and she hadn’t told me.
Oh, Mum, wha t have they done to you? And to me. A Godless child to be endured.
Four
A COUPLE OF WEEKS DRAGGED past. Mum didn’t write, my uncle still wouldn’t give me her address and my life was bounded by prayers, singing, housework and rules. The rules drove me wild. They were all written out and hung on a scroll sort of thing in our bedroom. Aunt Naomi often sent me off to read it. ‘Rule Ten,’ she would snap. ‘Go and read it.’
Then I’d have to recite it to her when I came back. ‘A daughter respects her elders. She is modest. She does not draw attention to herself.’
‘Did that not mean anything to you?’ she would sigh. ‘Braid your hair tidily, Esther. And do not try to look at your reflection in the pot lids.’
If you had a mirror in the house, I wouldn’t have to.
But I kept on trying to find something that would show me my reflection. I had nightmares about looking in a mirror and having no face.
I didn’t get to go to any Circle of Fellowshipmeetings. Maggie was sick and I offered to stay with her. That earned me a smile from my aunt. The next one I was back in the discipline room because I totally refused to start embroidering a Bible verse like the twins were doing. Aunt Naomi had caught me running down the street with the little ones. ‘Esther, you will begin sewing your text this evening. Here is the verse I have chosen for you.’
She flipped open her Bible and pointed. ‘Charity doth not behave
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