he leave? " OtherGirl "I don't know-your friend is weird. " Tucker "There has to be a reason. He wouldn't just storm out. " OtherGirl "Well, I think he got mad when he tried to kiss me. " Tucker "What happened? " OtherGirl "I backed away. " Tucker "WHAT? Why would you invite him back here if you didn't lik e him? "
OtherGirl "I don't know. I thought I did, I just didn't feel like it. " I could not believe that this bitch flirted with him all night-andshe wa s FLIRTING-and then dissed him AT HER PLACE, AFTER SHE INVITE D HIM BACK THERE. It's not like she had to fuck him, but t o deny even a kiss after all that is really bad. Especially for him; it's no t like this guy has lots of self-esteem with women to begin with . He wouldn't pick up his cell, so I just go back to the hot tub an d ElephantLegs, who after 20 beers looked surprisingly good in a bathin g suit. We get pretty hot and move inside to finish off, when sh e drops a bomb on me : ElephantLegs "I'm not sure if we can hook up. Let me ask my friend. " Tucker "What do you mean? " ElephantLegs "Well-I don't live here. I am visiting from Ohio. Al l those bedrooms belong to her roommates. I'll see if she'll let us us e her room. "
No fucking way. NO FUCKING WAY . Ofcourse OtherGirl says no. OK, fine, I can understand not wantin g other people to fuck in your bed. So I go through the other options . ElephantLegs wouldn't hook up or. the patio, "Someone might see us " or on the sofa bed we had to sleep on, ''There are other people passe d out in the living room. What if they wake up? "
In a last ditch attempt to save the night, I make what I think is a ver y reasonable suggestion: ElephantLegs takes OtherGirl's car, and th e two of us go to Sling Blade's place and hook up. He has an extra bed .
Do you want to guess what Princess CockBlock told her friend? No . I was furious. OtherGirl had taken what could have been a great night ,
and totally ruined it, for no fucking reason other than her whim. That' s OK bitch: I got summin' for you .
The next morning I woke up early, went into the bathroom and locke d the door. I took off the lid of the toilet tank and dropped a gargantua n shit, right in the tank. I have hit many homeruns in my life, but this wa s my first upper-decker .
Then I took a Sharpie marker I found in her house and wrote on th e underside of the lid : "This is for [SlingBlade]. Whore. "
I put the top back on the tank and used about half a roll of toilet pape r to wipe my ass, putting all of it in the bowl. As I expected, the toile t clogged when I flushed it, spilling shit water all over her bathroo m floor .
I immediately get a taxi back to SlingBlade's, stopping to say goodby e To ElephantLegs on my way out. I am laughing hysterically . ElephantLegs "What's so funny? "
Tucker "Tell your friend I'm NOT sorry. She'll understand. " I take the taxi back to SlingBlade's, laughing the whole way, and wal k into his place at like lam, still giddy. I find him sitting in his chair in fron t of the TV, soaking wet, fists clenched up in rage and a look o f exasperate danger on his face the likes of which I've never seen .
Tucker"Dude-what's wrong? "
He points out the window to his car. The front and rear windshields ar e completely out, and the hood and roof have massive dents in them . Tucker "OH MY GOD! What happened to your car? " SlingBlade "I don't want to talk about it. " Tucker "Why are you all wet? " SlingBlade "I don't want to talk about it. " Tucker "Have you been sitting here all night? " SlingBlade "I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. God obviously hate s me. HATES ME. Nothing ever goes right. ALL I WANT IS PEACE AN D QUIET AND A SMALL LIFE WITH MY NINTENDO AND COMI C BOOKS. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK??? "
After a few hours he calmed down and I found out what happened : It was raining heavily on the interstate as he drove home. He wa s
cruising along in the right lane, still mired in self-loathing over hi s rejection, not noticing that he was riding in the
OtherGirl "I don't know. I thought I did, I just didn't feel like it. " I could not believe that this bitch flirted with him all night-andshe wa s FLIRTING-and then dissed him AT HER PLACE, AFTER SHE INVITE D HIM BACK THERE. It's not like she had to fuck him, but t o deny even a kiss after all that is really bad. Especially for him; it's no t like this guy has lots of self-esteem with women to begin with . He wouldn't pick up his cell, so I just go back to the hot tub an d ElephantLegs, who after 20 beers looked surprisingly good in a bathin g suit. We get pretty hot and move inside to finish off, when sh e drops a bomb on me : ElephantLegs "I'm not sure if we can hook up. Let me ask my friend. " Tucker "What do you mean? " ElephantLegs "Well-I don't live here. I am visiting from Ohio. Al l those bedrooms belong to her roommates. I'll see if she'll let us us e her room. "
No fucking way. NO FUCKING WAY . Ofcourse OtherGirl says no. OK, fine, I can understand not wantin g other people to fuck in your bed. So I go through the other options . ElephantLegs wouldn't hook up or. the patio, "Someone might see us " or on the sofa bed we had to sleep on, ''There are other people passe d out in the living room. What if they wake up? "
In a last ditch attempt to save the night, I make what I think is a ver y reasonable suggestion: ElephantLegs takes OtherGirl's car, and th e two of us go to Sling Blade's place and hook up. He has an extra bed .
Do you want to guess what Princess CockBlock told her friend? No . I was furious. OtherGirl had taken what could have been a great night ,
and totally ruined it, for no fucking reason other than her whim. That' s OK bitch: I got summin' for you .
The next morning I woke up early, went into the bathroom and locke d the door. I took off the lid of the toilet tank and dropped a gargantua n shit, right in the tank. I have hit many homeruns in my life, but this wa s my first upper-decker .
Then I took a Sharpie marker I found in her house and wrote on th e underside of the lid : "This is for [SlingBlade]. Whore. "
I put the top back on the tank and used about half a roll of toilet pape r to wipe my ass, putting all of it in the bowl. As I expected, the toile t clogged when I flushed it, spilling shit water all over her bathroo m floor .
I immediately get a taxi back to SlingBlade's, stopping to say goodby e To ElephantLegs on my way out. I am laughing hysterically . ElephantLegs "What's so funny? "
Tucker "Tell your friend I'm NOT sorry. She'll understand. " I take the taxi back to SlingBlade's, laughing the whole way, and wal k into his place at like lam, still giddy. I find him sitting in his chair in fron t of the TV, soaking wet, fists clenched up in rage and a look o f exasperate danger on his face the likes of which I've never seen .
Tucker"Dude-what's wrong? "
He points out the window to his car. The front and rear windshields ar e completely out, and the hood and roof have massive dents in them . Tucker "OH MY GOD! What happened to your car? " SlingBlade "I don't want to talk about it. " Tucker "Why are you all wet? " SlingBlade "I don't want to talk about it. " Tucker "Have you been sitting here all night? " SlingBlade "I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. God obviously hate s me. HATES ME. Nothing ever goes right. ALL I WANT IS PEACE AN D QUIET AND A SMALL LIFE WITH MY NINTENDO AND COMI C BOOKS. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK??? "
After a few hours he calmed down and I found out what happened : It was raining heavily on the interstate as he drove home. He wa s
cruising along in the right lane, still mired in self-loathing over hi s rejection, not noticing that he was riding in the
Similar Books
