If Only We Knew by Ancelli

he’d just learned.
     
***
     
    “I want to see him.” She looked over at Matt, and extended her arms.
    He got up, walked over to her bed, and put the baby in her arms. “He weighed eight pounds, five ounces and measured twenty-one inches long.”
    “You’re so beautiful. I finally get to meet you. I love you, Matthew.” She kissed him with tears in her eyes, unwrapping the blanket, kissing his fingers, and taking off his socks to play with his toes. “These tiny feet kicked me. You loved Mommy’s ribs.”
    “You called him Matthew,” he said, staring at his son.
    She nodded, without looking at him. “After you,” she whispered, seeing the resemblance to his father.
    “Why didn’t you tell me?” Matt asked, glaring at her, holding back unshed tears.
    “Tell you what?” She avoided his eyes.
    “Look at me, Shannon.”
    She wouldn’t. She kept staring at the baby.
    “Shannon ! ” She slowly glimpsed back at him. “Why didn’t you tell me I was going to be a father?”
    “Matt, I’ve told you over and over he’s not—”
    “You can’t lie to me any longer.” He raised his voice. “Really look at our son and then look me in the eye and tell me I’m not his father. If you do, I want a paternity test.”
    “I’m so sorry.” She kissed the baby.
    “About what, Shannon?” he yelled.
    “Don’t yell at me. I wanted to tell you, but you and Karen—”
    “But Karen and me what, Shannon? He is my son. I would never turn my back on my child. I love him, and I just found out by seeing him that he is mine. Were you ever going to tell me?”
    “I don’t know,” she answered. “I didn’t want to destroy your marriage. It was a mistake. I was willing to do it on my own.”
    “Why? Why would you do it alone when I’m here and you know I would never turn my back on him, or you? You know what I went through when Karen lost the baby and then when we were told we couldn’t have kids. It destroyed me, and you kept this from me.”
    “That’s the reason! Your wife can’t have children. Imagine how she’s going to feel when she finds out you had a baby because of a one-night stand.”
    “You should’ve left that up to me. Now she doesn’t have time to accept it. If you would’ve told me when you were pregnant, she would’ve had time to deal with it.”
    “I did try to tell you. I was going to tell you the night I found out, but I couldn’t because you’d lost your baby, and then again, the day you found out I was pregnant, I was going to tell you, but you told me she couldn’t have children. And you said you wanted a baby with your wife!” She raised her voice.
    “You didn’t try hard enough. You had nine fucking months to tell me.”
    “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Matt,” she said between tears.
    He couldn’t look at her. “I had a feeling, but I trusted you.” He dug into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and pulled out a picture. “Look, Shannon.” He held up the picture. She looked up. “I’ve had this picture of your sonogram with me since the day I went to your appointment. I felt something when I saw him, but I asked you, and you said no. I trusted you. I never thought you could look me in the eye and lie. You are one of the few people I trusted. Tell me, how can I trust you again?”
    “I’m sorry.” The baby whined and chewed on his fist.
    He placed the picture in his wallet and put it back into his pocket. “I think he’s hungry. Are you going to breast feed?” He stared at her big breast.
    “Yes.” She slipped her nightshirt up. The baby searched for her nipple and nurs ed . “Oh, God.”
    “What’s wrong?” he asked, walking closer to her , concerned .
    “It hurts. It feels like he’s pulling my insides out.” She tried to pull her nipple out of the baby’s mouth, but he kept sucking. “I can’t do this.” She was about to put her finger in his mouth and pop her breast out.
    “You can do this. Grab my hand. I read in a magazine that the pain