I'm Going to Be Famous by Tom Birdseye

already.
    Speaking of pizza, who should appear? None other than my big brother, John. And he’s got Michelle with him. She sure is pretty. Dad says she has “sparkle.” I think that means he likes her. Maybe he thinks she can do something about John. Somebody needs to do something about John, that’s for sure.
    â€œArlo, let’s go over and say hello,” Kerry whispers. She can’t resist spying on John.
    â€œLet him alone, Kerry. He doesn’t want you snooping around.”
    â€œBut Arlo, he might need some help,” she says, sipping a Coke.
    When Kerry says “help,” what she really means is a hard time.
    â€œHe doesn’t need your help, Kerry. Believe me. He can botch things on his own.”
    â€œBut we should at least go over and say hello. He is our brother, you know. C’mon, Arlo.”
    Why am I so easily led astray?
    â€œOK, Kerry, but just to say hello. And don’t ask any dumb questions or talk too much.”
    â€œDumb questions? Talk too much? Me?”
    â€œSo, Arlo, how’s the banana-eating going?” John asks.
    â€œArlo is doing great,” Kerry answers for me. “You should see him eat those bananas. Pow, pow, pow. They just fly into his mouth.”
    â€œIt’s going OK,” I add quietly, wishing Kerry would shut up.
    John and Michelle look at each other and smile. I think I see the “sparkle” Dad talks about. It’s in her eyes. But why waste sparkle on John? That is one of the great mysteries in my life.
    â€œYou only have a couple of weeks before your world-record attempt, don’t you?” Michelle asks. “Are you going to be ready, Arlo?”
    â€œHe’ll be ready,” Kerry blurts out. “I’ll be ready, too.”
    What’s this? Has she already forgotten about the gum?
    â€œReady for what?” John asks.
    Kerry replies matter-of-factly. “I’m going to spit melon seeds for a world record.”
    â€œMelon seeds?” John asks.
    â€œMelon seeds?” Michelle asks.
    â€œMelon seeds?” I ask.
    Kerry is grinning from ear to ear. “Yep, melon seeds. They don’t have gum-chewing records in the Guinness Book of World Records, but they do have melon-seed-spitting records: sixty-five feet, four inches!”
    That’s twice the length of room 11 at Lincoln Elementary School. I’ll bet that’s as long as 150 hot dogs laid out end to end.
    â€œKerry, do you know how far that is?” I ask.
    â€œSure, I know,” she says, looking at me as if that’s the stupidest question I could have possibly thought of. “No problem. I can do it. You’ve always said I had a powerful mouth, right?”
    John and Michelle are both giggling.
    â€œWell, yeah,” I admit, “but—”
    â€œSo what better way to use a powerful mouth than for spitting melon seeds for a new world record?” Kerry says with a smile.
    â€œBut Kerry—”
    â€œI’ll be famous!”
    â€œBut Kerry—”
    â€œI’ll be in the Guinness Book of World Records !”
    â€œBut Kerry—”
    â€œI’ll be a hero, an idol, a tribute to my school, my city, my state, my country, the world! Just like you, Arlo.”
    Kerry has lost contact with reality. I am an experienced banana-eater. She hasn’t trained. She hasn’t put in the years of practice. She doesn’t understand the dedication, sacrifice, and pain it takes to be a hero. I, Xexus of Zoidtron, have special powers. I understand these things. I can be famous. I can break the world record. I will use PBA and my superalien powers. I will show everyone who’s king. This honor belongs to me —and me alone, not Kerry.
    â€œYou can’t do it,” I tell her.
    She turns and faces me. There is not even a hint of a smile on her face.
    â€œWhy?” she asks with her hands on her hips.
    â€œYou don’t have the powers. You just