the booty call completely obsolete, joining the ranks of buying flowers, going out to dinner, writing letters, and engaging in actual conversation as artifacts in the annals of hook-up history.
The first arena in which text messaging aids a bachelor on the prowl is the process of “laying groundwork.” One of the things I’ve learned is that most women don’t actually mind one-night stands; they just don’t want it to feel like one. Laying groundwork simply means initiating contact with a girl via text message approximately one week before contact is likely to take place (for instance, an upcoming party you’re both invited to). This weakens the girl’s defenses by extending flirtation over a longer time period and making it seem like I’m not just hitting on her out of the blue when we see each other. Groundwork is, in essence, the opposite of a booty call. While a booty call is spontaneous—a shot in the dark fueled by alcohol—groundwork is premeditated and therefore twice as devious and effective.
The death of booty calls has also signaled the birth of booty texting—which is really a completely different animal. Instead of calling girls individually, and most of the time accomplishing nothing more than leaving a slurred voicemail at 2 a.m., now I merely send ten girls a mass text message that just says: “Hey.” Most women are aware that if they receive a text message from a guy at 2 a.m. that just says, “Hey,” they can safely interpret that to mean, “Wanna fuck?” Of the ten texts I send out, let’s say I get four responses back, two are promising, and one girl I take home. There’s no way I could achieve that kind of return by actually talking to or calling girls individually. We are truly living in a golden age.
----
GLITCH IN THE MATRIX
I will never give up my full keyboard BlackBerry. The worst part about my old phone? Texting someone and the predictive feature not being able to recognize the word “texting.”
----
The tricks don’t end there. If I’m texting with a girl, and I somehow cross the line, I can always get out of it. If I write, “u wanna come over?” and she replies, “no way asshole,” all I have to do is write back: “so sorry, my buddy stole my phone. he was messing around, i didn’t write that.” I’m telling you, I do it all the time. Texting with a girl is like those old Choose Your Own Adventure books—if you don’t like where the story is going, you can always back up and opt for a different path.
If you really want to get sophisticated, here’s a method I use to disguise my booty texting. I’ll write a message that doesn’t really make any sense (such as: “can u pick up some eggs and milk?”) and then send it to the girl I’m targeting. She’ll read it and respond: “did u mean to send this to me?” And then I’ll write back: “oh no, wrong person! so…what are u up to tonight?” Bam! I’m in and she doesn’t even know what the fuck just happened!
Another text technique I utilize is called “plausible deniability.” Basically, if I get really drunk and start texting every girl in my phone, but I don’t expect anything to pan out, I’ll delete my own outgoing text log just before blacking out for the night. That way, the next day when a girl is like, “Karo, did you fucking text me at six in the morning?” I can say, “Honestly, I have no idea.”
----
FURTHER ENRICHMENT
The ellipsis is an invaluable tool for kicking game via text message. Those three simple dots can say so much. “i thought you wanted to hang out” comes off cold and angry. But “i thought you wanted to hang out…” implies there’s room for you to make it up to me (with head).
My latest weapon is two dots. Chicks don’t know what the hell to make of it. A girl will text me and I’ll write back: “that’s what you think..” It’s not quite a period, not quite an ellipsis, but it sure as hell keeps ’em on their toes.
----
As with
The first arena in which text messaging aids a bachelor on the prowl is the process of “laying groundwork.” One of the things I’ve learned is that most women don’t actually mind one-night stands; they just don’t want it to feel like one. Laying groundwork simply means initiating contact with a girl via text message approximately one week before contact is likely to take place (for instance, an upcoming party you’re both invited to). This weakens the girl’s defenses by extending flirtation over a longer time period and making it seem like I’m not just hitting on her out of the blue when we see each other. Groundwork is, in essence, the opposite of a booty call. While a booty call is spontaneous—a shot in the dark fueled by alcohol—groundwork is premeditated and therefore twice as devious and effective.
The death of booty calls has also signaled the birth of booty texting—which is really a completely different animal. Instead of calling girls individually, and most of the time accomplishing nothing more than leaving a slurred voicemail at 2 a.m., now I merely send ten girls a mass text message that just says: “Hey.” Most women are aware that if they receive a text message from a guy at 2 a.m. that just says, “Hey,” they can safely interpret that to mean, “Wanna fuck?” Of the ten texts I send out, let’s say I get four responses back, two are promising, and one girl I take home. There’s no way I could achieve that kind of return by actually talking to or calling girls individually. We are truly living in a golden age.
----
GLITCH IN THE MATRIX
I will never give up my full keyboard BlackBerry. The worst part about my old phone? Texting someone and the predictive feature not being able to recognize the word “texting.”
----
The tricks don’t end there. If I’m texting with a girl, and I somehow cross the line, I can always get out of it. If I write, “u wanna come over?” and she replies, “no way asshole,” all I have to do is write back: “so sorry, my buddy stole my phone. he was messing around, i didn’t write that.” I’m telling you, I do it all the time. Texting with a girl is like those old Choose Your Own Adventure books—if you don’t like where the story is going, you can always back up and opt for a different path.
If you really want to get sophisticated, here’s a method I use to disguise my booty texting. I’ll write a message that doesn’t really make any sense (such as: “can u pick up some eggs and milk?”) and then send it to the girl I’m targeting. She’ll read it and respond: “did u mean to send this to me?” And then I’ll write back: “oh no, wrong person! so…what are u up to tonight?” Bam! I’m in and she doesn’t even know what the fuck just happened!
Another text technique I utilize is called “plausible deniability.” Basically, if I get really drunk and start texting every girl in my phone, but I don’t expect anything to pan out, I’ll delete my own outgoing text log just before blacking out for the night. That way, the next day when a girl is like, “Karo, did you fucking text me at six in the morning?” I can say, “Honestly, I have no idea.”
----
FURTHER ENRICHMENT
The ellipsis is an invaluable tool for kicking game via text message. Those three simple dots can say so much. “i thought you wanted to hang out” comes off cold and angry. But “i thought you wanted to hang out…” implies there’s room for you to make it up to me (with head).
My latest weapon is two dots. Chicks don’t know what the hell to make of it. A girl will text me and I’ll write back: “that’s what you think..” It’s not quite a period, not quite an ellipsis, but it sure as hell keeps ’em on their toes.
----
As with
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