charging locomotive? At the least, he’d managed to pull the lever and force a track change.
He shifted over so his face was within a few inches of hers, just above and to the side. “You know I was engaged before, right?”
She exhaled.
“I was in love with her. I’m sure of it. All of the indications she gave—I was sure she was in love with me, too. We set a date. She picked out plates and silverware. I even ordered the invitations. Then I couldn’t get her to complete her list of guests. She didn’t change howshe treated me. She just couldn’t complete the list. I thought she was worried about the size of the reception. The cost.” He paused.
April looked for signs of emotion on Jason’s face, but it was blank, as if he were talking from another plane. She wanted to pull him to her, to comfort him, but she didn’t want him back yet. She wanted to hear more. The wait was short.
“She had good reason to worry about the guest list. She’d met someone else. The only problem was that she met this someone else more than a year before, and she got around to telling me when I had half the invitations addressed and stamped.” He blinked back to the bed. “I was in love. Trouble was, so was she. Once it was all out, she was gone faster than a lightning bolt finds ground, and it left me death-shocked.”
All April could manage was a feeble, “I’m sorry.”
His return was brief; his eyes drifted again. “Now I know the depth of vulnerability when a man gives his heart to a woman unconditionally.” His eyes snapped back; they seemed almost angry. “Excuse me if I’m gun shy. I don’t want to feel that vulnerable right now. Maybe never.”
Her mouth jumped ahead of her brain. “So it isn’t Agnes, then?”
“What?” His face crinkled like a wadded piece of paper.
April tried to shrink into the pillow. Her voice loweredto blend with its softness. “I thought maybe you were in love with Agnes, and that’s why—”
“Why are you always so worried about Agnes?”
“I’m not—”
“Physician, heal thyself.”
She reached back, pulled her pillow from under her head, and swung it into the side of his.
He grabbed it and pulled so hard she collapsed against his chest, her head against his cheek. Before she could react, he wrapped his arms around her. “Don’t push. Okay? I’m not a hopeless case. Just a helpless one. Can you be patient?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to be … with you.”
“Would it help if we met at my place next time?”
She smiled and slipped down to nuzzle his neck. “It’s not necessary. It’s enough you offered. You know, the walk-of-shame thing.”
His hand slid down her back, then up again. His light touch turned into a grip on her shoulder.
She leaned her head back. “What’s the matter?”
“I want to ask something, but the timing sucks. You’ll take it wrong.”
“If it’s about Agnes, you’re right.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Shit,” she said. “You know how to spoil a moment, don’t you?”
“I just want a professional opinion. That’s all.”
“Why now?”
“When else can I ask?”
“Come around more often,” she said.
He slid toward the edge of the bed.
She grabbed him around the waist. “I’m sorry. I admit it. I’m jealous. You always bring her up. Sometimes I think—”
“List the things we have in common,” he said. “No matter how long the list is, Agnes is on it, right near the top. Without her, we wouldn’t have found each other.”
“That’s supposed to help?”
“Right now, she needs a friend more than ever. What kind of turd would you think I was if I deserted her?”
April thought about answering.
“I’ll never deny that I care about her. I want her to get better. That should be another of our common points. I don’t understand what’s wrong with her, and I want to. I want to help, and it seems my visits do that.”
April went rigid. “You want an opinion of what’s wrong with
He shifted over so his face was within a few inches of hers, just above and to the side. “You know I was engaged before, right?”
She exhaled.
“I was in love with her. I’m sure of it. All of the indications she gave—I was sure she was in love with me, too. We set a date. She picked out plates and silverware. I even ordered the invitations. Then I couldn’t get her to complete her list of guests. She didn’t change howshe treated me. She just couldn’t complete the list. I thought she was worried about the size of the reception. The cost.” He paused.
April looked for signs of emotion on Jason’s face, but it was blank, as if he were talking from another plane. She wanted to pull him to her, to comfort him, but she didn’t want him back yet. She wanted to hear more. The wait was short.
“She had good reason to worry about the guest list. She’d met someone else. The only problem was that she met this someone else more than a year before, and she got around to telling me when I had half the invitations addressed and stamped.” He blinked back to the bed. “I was in love. Trouble was, so was she. Once it was all out, she was gone faster than a lightning bolt finds ground, and it left me death-shocked.”
All April could manage was a feeble, “I’m sorry.”
His return was brief; his eyes drifted again. “Now I know the depth of vulnerability when a man gives his heart to a woman unconditionally.” His eyes snapped back; they seemed almost angry. “Excuse me if I’m gun shy. I don’t want to feel that vulnerable right now. Maybe never.”
Her mouth jumped ahead of her brain. “So it isn’t Agnes, then?”
“What?” His face crinkled like a wadded piece of paper.
April tried to shrink into the pillow. Her voice loweredto blend with its softness. “I thought maybe you were in love with Agnes, and that’s why—”
“Why are you always so worried about Agnes?”
“I’m not—”
“Physician, heal thyself.”
She reached back, pulled her pillow from under her head, and swung it into the side of his.
He grabbed it and pulled so hard she collapsed against his chest, her head against his cheek. Before she could react, he wrapped his arms around her. “Don’t push. Okay? I’m not a hopeless case. Just a helpless one. Can you be patient?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to be … with you.”
“Would it help if we met at my place next time?”
She smiled and slipped down to nuzzle his neck. “It’s not necessary. It’s enough you offered. You know, the walk-of-shame thing.”
His hand slid down her back, then up again. His light touch turned into a grip on her shoulder.
She leaned her head back. “What’s the matter?”
“I want to ask something, but the timing sucks. You’ll take it wrong.”
“If it’s about Agnes, you’re right.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Shit,” she said. “You know how to spoil a moment, don’t you?”
“I just want a professional opinion. That’s all.”
“Why now?”
“When else can I ask?”
“Come around more often,” she said.
He slid toward the edge of the bed.
She grabbed him around the waist. “I’m sorry. I admit it. I’m jealous. You always bring her up. Sometimes I think—”
“List the things we have in common,” he said. “No matter how long the list is, Agnes is on it, right near the top. Without her, we wouldn’t have found each other.”
“That’s supposed to help?”
“Right now, she needs a friend more than ever. What kind of turd would you think I was if I deserted her?”
April thought about answering.
“I’ll never deny that I care about her. I want her to get better. That should be another of our common points. I don’t understand what’s wrong with her, and I want to. I want to help, and it seems my visits do that.”
April went rigid. “You want an opinion of what’s wrong with
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