glared at her father. She could take anything he dished out to her. She usually gave herself worse when she was alone anyway. He had no idea.
âYouâre grounded. Two weeks, or until you can learn to respect your family, whichever comes first.â
Even though she had asked for it, encouraged it, anger shot through her veins when the punishment fell on her head.
âThatâs not fair!â And she started to cry. Fat, warm, angry tears fell.
âIf you want fair, you have to treat everyone else fairly first.â
âI hate you!â Her face pinched and flushed as she stood to yell. She didnât care that her breath was sharp from the tears caught in her throat. She was furious, and like earlier with Sapphire, she only wanted to feel. Her reaction was instinctual.
âI think dinner is over for you. Go to your room.â
âGladly.â
Meagan stomped every step to her room, all fifty-eight, and slammed her door when she got there.
****
The metal felt good against her skin in comparison to her overheated outbursts. She had never wanted to do this in reaction to her family. Blame was never supposed to be felt by anyone but herself, but here she was breaking her own rule.
Here she was being a horrible daughter, sister, family member.
Here she was failing again.
Here she was caving into temptation for the easy fix.
Here she was making another mistake.
When it started to hurt too much, she stopped. After taking three deep breaths, in, pausing to hold it inside before letting go, out, she felt like she had pressed reset. Everything felt new, clean, and fresh now. So she let go of every tear as if it hadnât been shed. She let go of the red she saw. She just let it all float up and away.
With so much gone she was feeling nothing. But right now, nothing felt good for once, instead of empty. Nothing was a relief after too much feeling today.
Express
I donât know how to show my feelings
I write them down
Poem after poem
Writing how I feel
But it barely helps
And I hurt more
When I make people cry
By saying what I feel
Cycle
Round and round I go
Never having a chance
To get off this dangerous ride
Keep it hidden
Keep it quiet
While I spin deeper
And deeper down
Donât let others hurt
From seeing my pain
Donât let my cycle spread
Keeping it all to myself
Hoarding the pain
You
You look right through me
You donât even see
You never try to help
Your ignorance is worst of all
You must know Iâm hurting
You canât be oblivious
You turn your head
You pretend not to notice
You do more damage than
You will ever know
Get It Out
Get it out
Get it all out
Let it lose
Let it fly away
The frustration
The anger
The hurt
Get the negative out
So thereâs room for new
Open up
Be accepting
Let in the happiness
The contentment
The love
You try but you fail
When somehow
They morph
They change
And rot
Pieces crumbling
And liquefying
Into something
Black and rancid
Nothing that comes in
Can remain good
For long
So get that out too
Let it all out
Until thereâs nothing left
No bad
But no good
Just empty
And lonely
And hollow
Chapter Six
A confusing life
Dear Diary,
Well, I never told my parents, and Iâm glad I didnât. It would have killed them, and if it didnât kill them, they would have killed me. My intention was never to hurt anyone else. So Iâm still keeping this to myself.
However, a new development has come into the storyline. Iâm not sure if it made things less complicated or more.
Our school counselor realized he had no idea how to relate to us in this instance. He wasnât young enough. He had never gone through what we are going through. Finally, he saw he was in over his head . So he found someone who could relate to us, someone we actually could trust.
Through this, a group was formed at school. It was specifically for girls who currently are or recently have
âYouâre grounded. Two weeks, or until you can learn to respect your family, whichever comes first.â
Even though she had asked for it, encouraged it, anger shot through her veins when the punishment fell on her head.
âThatâs not fair!â And she started to cry. Fat, warm, angry tears fell.
âIf you want fair, you have to treat everyone else fairly first.â
âI hate you!â Her face pinched and flushed as she stood to yell. She didnât care that her breath was sharp from the tears caught in her throat. She was furious, and like earlier with Sapphire, she only wanted to feel. Her reaction was instinctual.
âI think dinner is over for you. Go to your room.â
âGladly.â
Meagan stomped every step to her room, all fifty-eight, and slammed her door when she got there.
****
The metal felt good against her skin in comparison to her overheated outbursts. She had never wanted to do this in reaction to her family. Blame was never supposed to be felt by anyone but herself, but here she was breaking her own rule.
Here she was being a horrible daughter, sister, family member.
Here she was failing again.
Here she was caving into temptation for the easy fix.
Here she was making another mistake.
When it started to hurt too much, she stopped. After taking three deep breaths, in, pausing to hold it inside before letting go, out, she felt like she had pressed reset. Everything felt new, clean, and fresh now. So she let go of every tear as if it hadnât been shed. She let go of the red she saw. She just let it all float up and away.
With so much gone she was feeling nothing. But right now, nothing felt good for once, instead of empty. Nothing was a relief after too much feeling today.
Express
I donât know how to show my feelings
I write them down
Poem after poem
Writing how I feel
But it barely helps
And I hurt more
When I make people cry
By saying what I feel
Cycle
Round and round I go
Never having a chance
To get off this dangerous ride
Keep it hidden
Keep it quiet
While I spin deeper
And deeper down
Donât let others hurt
From seeing my pain
Donât let my cycle spread
Keeping it all to myself
Hoarding the pain
You
You look right through me
You donât even see
You never try to help
Your ignorance is worst of all
You must know Iâm hurting
You canât be oblivious
You turn your head
You pretend not to notice
You do more damage than
You will ever know
Get It Out
Get it out
Get it all out
Let it lose
Let it fly away
The frustration
The anger
The hurt
Get the negative out
So thereâs room for new
Open up
Be accepting
Let in the happiness
The contentment
The love
You try but you fail
When somehow
They morph
They change
And rot
Pieces crumbling
And liquefying
Into something
Black and rancid
Nothing that comes in
Can remain good
For long
So get that out too
Let it all out
Until thereâs nothing left
No bad
But no good
Just empty
And lonely
And hollow
Chapter Six
A confusing life
Dear Diary,
Well, I never told my parents, and Iâm glad I didnât. It would have killed them, and if it didnât kill them, they would have killed me. My intention was never to hurt anyone else. So Iâm still keeping this to myself.
However, a new development has come into the storyline. Iâm not sure if it made things less complicated or more.
Our school counselor realized he had no idea how to relate to us in this instance. He wasnât young enough. He had never gone through what we are going through. Finally, he saw he was in over his head . So he found someone who could relate to us, someone we actually could trust.
Through this, a group was formed at school. It was specifically for girls who currently are or recently have
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