In the Rearview by Maria Ann Green

leave the room in pursuit of mystery girl, but she was already gone. She’d snuck out as if she’d never been there, as if Meagan had imagined everything she had seen.
    Her heart sank, and her stomach lurched. She felt sick again. What if she never came back to class? What if Meagan’s opportunity to save someone was lost? How could she deal with that?
    She went out into the hall, and she lost what little hope she had had left. She couldn’t find mystery girl anywhere in the sea of students.
    She had failed mystery girl and herself. For that, Meagan was incredibly disappointed.
    ****
    At home, after the day’s jarring experience in English, she began to think deeper about the consequences and motivations behind her actions. How would someone else feel if they witnessed Meagan scratching or cutting her own skin?
    And finally, after holding the sorrow and confusion buried deep throughout the entire day, she began to cry. She let out every fear through painful sobs and cold tears. She cried for herself and the emotions that suffocated her. She cried for the life she used to have and worried she would never have again. She cried for the enthusiasm she had lost. She cried for mystery girl and the sorrow she must struggle through as well.
    Meagan cried until she thought she could no longer cry, and eventually she cried herself to sleep.
    She didn’t sleep well, but she'd sworn to herself while on the precipice of falling, she would make contact with mystery girl tomorrow. She would help someone who needed help if she could.
    No one needed to suffer like her.

Alone Inside

    A candle burns inside me
    And today it just burned out
    And now I’m all alone inside
    I lost the only thing I had
    No one understands me
    And no one loves me either
    And with the candle
    Went my hope
    And the desire to continue on
    Now that candle’s dead
    I wish I could be too

I’d

    I’d kill myself if I thought it’d help
    But then I’d just hurt the ones I love
    And I couldn’t live with that
    I’d never be able
    To handle
    Hurting anyone but myself

The Tears

    The tears flow from my eyes
    Like rain from the sky
    They make their way from places of pain
    And places of fear
    It hurts to cry
    But it hurts more to hide
    I can only run from the tears
    For so long

Shame

    Something to hide
    Hurt inside
    A little cut here
    Makes for more pain
    Everlasting cycle of shame

 
    Meagan’s fist went sailing through the air. Who knew what she was aiming for or why she felt the need to swing. She was mad. She was seething. She was bursting with frustration. But they didn’t have a purpose. There was no home for her negativity. It all came from nowhere and burst from Meagan at inappropriate times.
    Luckily she didn’t hit anything other than wood and drywall. That would have had more backlash than she'd wanted. She would feel guilty forever if she mistakenly hit her sister.
    â€œThis is stupid! You’re stupid!”
    Meagan’s face heated as she screamed. Her sister hadn’t done anything truly wrong. Her biggest mistake was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
    â€œWhy are you always so mad?” Sapphire yelled back, but she just did it to keep on level ground. It came from a place of competition instead of anger.
    It caught Meagan off guard to be asked why she felt what she was feeling. Anger, depression, fear, they all seemed to come from nowhere. And when they passed, she was left with black nothingness. The empty void was worse.
    Why was Meagan mad? She didn’t even know. She’d been sinking deeper into her pit of quicksand all day. When it grabbed her, she couldn’t get free, and the harder she struggled, the worse she felt. Sometimes it seemed like she was being punished for trying to feel better.
    All she knew was when she was mad, at least she was feeling, so regardless of the reason, she went with her anger.
    â€œBecause I just am.” She paused, but