that?"
Jordan laughed, a bitter note in the sound. "Oh, they were a lot more casual than that." They ran on in silence for so long that Ryan was sure Jordan had decided not to answer, but she finally started to speak again. "The first one was at a volleyball camp when I was a junior in high school. She talked me into going for a walk one night, and before I knew it, we were rolling around on a tennis court. After a good deal of convincing I went up to her room with her, but I freaked and wouldn't even talk to her after that. Creeped me out," she said with a shiver.
"I take it that you didn't really do anything," Ryan said carefully.
"No," Jordan admitted. "I ran out before we could. We kissed a lot, though." She gave Ryan a look. "It was enough."
"What was your other experience?" Ryan asked, almost afraid to know.
"It was the next Christmas-a holiday all-star tournament for some of the club teams from the L.A. area. One of the college players who was working at the camp invited me to her room. We had a nice chat about the school she went to-I thought she was trying to recruit me," she said, a mortified look on her face. "She was."
"God, Jordan, did she force you…"
"No, no, nothing like that. We kissed for a long time, but when she put her hand under my shirt I pulled away from her and ran. I think I ran around the UCLA campus half the night. My legs were so sore the next day I could barely jump an inch."
"So you've never really…been with a woman?" Ryan said, still unable to process the information.
"I've never been naked with one-no." She gave Ryan a sad look and added, "I sure have wanted to, though." She shook her head a little, trying to remove the sweat that dripped into her eyes. "I…dream about women."
Ryan was completely charmed by the guileless way that her friend made this statement. It sounded romantic-almost quaint, and once again she realized that it did not fit with her image of who Jordan was. "Not to state the obvious, Jordan, but I don't think you'd have too much trouble getting lucky if that's what you want. What's up?"
She shrugged, loosening her shoulders as she did so. "I don't know…it's seemed too dangerous, you know?"
"Nope. Not a clue." Ryan truly didn't have any idea what her friend was talking about, and it showed on her face.
"Volleyball comes first, Ryan. I don't have time for all of the turmoil that this would cause."
"Hey, I love volleyball too," Ryan reminded her. "And I think I'm pretty focused. Being loved makes life easier, Jordan. Really."
"Ehh…maybe it does. But you can't tell me that coming out is easy. I don't want to be in the closet if I fall for somebody, Ryan. That's not me. I don't know if it's cool to be gay if you're on the Olympic team, and I'm not gonna hurt my chances by having anybody know about me. I've got the rest of my life ahead of me-there's no rush."
"Okay. That makes sense-intellectually, that is. But why were you flirting your ass off with me? You were giving off some unequivocal vibes, pal."
She blushed furiously, and stared straight ahead, unable to make eye contact with her friend. "I don't know." She was obviously mortified to be called on her conduct, and Ryan tried to give her permission to back off if it bothered her too much.
"That's okay," the dark woman said. "Forget about it."
"No," Jordan said firmly. "This is important. It's been getting too strong to resist, Ryan," she said, a pained look on her face. "It's started to interfere with my concentration." She looked at her friend and said, "I can't afford to have my concentration ruined, Ryan. This year is critical!"
"Okay," the brunette said. "You started feeling like what…like you wanted to go farther than you had before?"
"Yeah. I think I convinced myself that if I could just let a little steam off I could get back to business. I…I heard you were a lot of fun, and I thought you'd be a good place to start because you understand about focus and stuff. It was pretty obvious
Jordan laughed, a bitter note in the sound. "Oh, they were a lot more casual than that." They ran on in silence for so long that Ryan was sure Jordan had decided not to answer, but she finally started to speak again. "The first one was at a volleyball camp when I was a junior in high school. She talked me into going for a walk one night, and before I knew it, we were rolling around on a tennis court. After a good deal of convincing I went up to her room with her, but I freaked and wouldn't even talk to her after that. Creeped me out," she said with a shiver.
"I take it that you didn't really do anything," Ryan said carefully.
"No," Jordan admitted. "I ran out before we could. We kissed a lot, though." She gave Ryan a look. "It was enough."
"What was your other experience?" Ryan asked, almost afraid to know.
"It was the next Christmas-a holiday all-star tournament for some of the club teams from the L.A. area. One of the college players who was working at the camp invited me to her room. We had a nice chat about the school she went to-I thought she was trying to recruit me," she said, a mortified look on her face. "She was."
"God, Jordan, did she force you…"
"No, no, nothing like that. We kissed for a long time, but when she put her hand under my shirt I pulled away from her and ran. I think I ran around the UCLA campus half the night. My legs were so sore the next day I could barely jump an inch."
"So you've never really…been with a woman?" Ryan said, still unable to process the information.
"I've never been naked with one-no." She gave Ryan a sad look and added, "I sure have wanted to, though." She shook her head a little, trying to remove the sweat that dripped into her eyes. "I…dream about women."
Ryan was completely charmed by the guileless way that her friend made this statement. It sounded romantic-almost quaint, and once again she realized that it did not fit with her image of who Jordan was. "Not to state the obvious, Jordan, but I don't think you'd have too much trouble getting lucky if that's what you want. What's up?"
She shrugged, loosening her shoulders as she did so. "I don't know…it's seemed too dangerous, you know?"
"Nope. Not a clue." Ryan truly didn't have any idea what her friend was talking about, and it showed on her face.
"Volleyball comes first, Ryan. I don't have time for all of the turmoil that this would cause."
"Hey, I love volleyball too," Ryan reminded her. "And I think I'm pretty focused. Being loved makes life easier, Jordan. Really."
"Ehh…maybe it does. But you can't tell me that coming out is easy. I don't want to be in the closet if I fall for somebody, Ryan. That's not me. I don't know if it's cool to be gay if you're on the Olympic team, and I'm not gonna hurt my chances by having anybody know about me. I've got the rest of my life ahead of me-there's no rush."
"Okay. That makes sense-intellectually, that is. But why were you flirting your ass off with me? You were giving off some unequivocal vibes, pal."
She blushed furiously, and stared straight ahead, unable to make eye contact with her friend. "I don't know." She was obviously mortified to be called on her conduct, and Ryan tried to give her permission to back off if it bothered her too much.
"That's okay," the dark woman said. "Forget about it."
"No," Jordan said firmly. "This is important. It's been getting too strong to resist, Ryan," she said, a pained look on her face. "It's started to interfere with my concentration." She looked at her friend and said, "I can't afford to have my concentration ruined, Ryan. This year is critical!"
"Okay," the brunette said. "You started feeling like what…like you wanted to go farther than you had before?"
"Yeah. I think I convinced myself that if I could just let a little steam off I could get back to business. I…I heard you were a lot of fun, and I thought you'd be a good place to start because you understand about focus and stuff. It was pretty obvious
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