work, and in the day time when I
woke up I had the place to myself.
Pat gave me
his old computer, which was one of the greatest presents I’ve ever
received, simply because of its usefulness. I was so grateful for
that computer, and I’ve always kept the hard drive, which has all
of the old versions of my theories as I developed them. I didn’t
save a new version every time I changed one little thing, but there
are probably a dozen different versions or so. I think it was three
separate papers at first, which I later combined. I’ve been hanging
on to that for all these years with the intention of one day giving
it back to him when it’s worth a lot of money. I’m sure that one
day science historians will be very interested about the genesis
and evolution of my ideas. I don’t know how to get in touch with
him, but if he’s reading this, you can have my old hard drive Pat.
I’ve kept it for all these years in a plastic baggy to one day
repay you. I couldn’t have done it without that computer.
Anyway, I keep
getting side tracked, but I had recently given up on my universe
theory when I found out that nothing can travel faster than the
speed of light. I didn’t really understand how nothing could move
faster than the speed of light, but according to my theory the
universe was moving infinitely fast through space in every
direction at once. Since our universe was at the end of an infinite
series of explosions, I believed that my theory could not work if
nothing could travel faster than the speed of light. I had also
picked up a few other bits and pieces of physics information since
the discovery of my universe theory, things people told me when
they were telling me why my theory didn’t work, or things I’d read
about in news articles or magazines, or on the internet.
One afternoon
I was sitting on the front porch smoking a cigarette and wondering
how it’s possible that the speed of light could always be constant,
no matter what velocity the observer is moving at. It seemed so
strange, it didn’t make any physical sense to me. Something clicked
in my brain, I realised time must slow with velocity so that
nothing can break the speed of light! “Holy shit!” I said, “Planet
of the Apes was right!” I thought the thing about time slowing with
velocity was just some bullshit they made up for the movie, I
didn’t realise it was Einstein (they credit it to “Dr H a slov” in the movie). I realised
that if time slows with velocity, my universe theory still works! I
was back! My obsession with ‘The Planet of the Apes’ had actually paid off!
That was weird, it's another of those instances of God putting
ideas inside my head without me actually realising it. You must
understand, in high school I spent many a lunch time reciting
monologues from ‘The Planet of the Apes’ with Charlton Heston. I
loved that movie, I'd always loved monologues in the old movies,
but that movie was particularly good for monologues because none of
the other humans can talk, so Charlton Heston spends most of the
movie doing monologues. I didn't realise it at the time of course,
but God had been trying to tell me about time dilation by making me
obsessed with ‘The Planet of the Apes.’ Just like how being in a
group called Team Tron kept reminding me of the black hole in the
3D Simpsons episode. That's pretty cool.
Back to
Contents
Chapter 3
“ Behold, I will
create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be
remembered, nor will they come to mind”
[Isaiah 65:17]
I looked at my
life, and I realised that I had nothing left. I had given up on my
Messianic delusions, my engineering career was over. All I had was
this shitty job at Coles, but I did have a theory of the universe
that no one else has ever thought of. I decided it was time to
learn about physics, to teach myself about space. I realised that
the theory of Relativity was wrong because of this whole dark
matter thing I’d read about.
woke up I had the place to myself.
Pat gave me
his old computer, which was one of the greatest presents I’ve ever
received, simply because of its usefulness. I was so grateful for
that computer, and I’ve always kept the hard drive, which has all
of the old versions of my theories as I developed them. I didn’t
save a new version every time I changed one little thing, but there
are probably a dozen different versions or so. I think it was three
separate papers at first, which I later combined. I’ve been hanging
on to that for all these years with the intention of one day giving
it back to him when it’s worth a lot of money. I’m sure that one
day science historians will be very interested about the genesis
and evolution of my ideas. I don’t know how to get in touch with
him, but if he’s reading this, you can have my old hard drive Pat.
I’ve kept it for all these years in a plastic baggy to one day
repay you. I couldn’t have done it without that computer.
Anyway, I keep
getting side tracked, but I had recently given up on my universe
theory when I found out that nothing can travel faster than the
speed of light. I didn’t really understand how nothing could move
faster than the speed of light, but according to my theory the
universe was moving infinitely fast through space in every
direction at once. Since our universe was at the end of an infinite
series of explosions, I believed that my theory could not work if
nothing could travel faster than the speed of light. I had also
picked up a few other bits and pieces of physics information since
the discovery of my universe theory, things people told me when
they were telling me why my theory didn’t work, or things I’d read
about in news articles or magazines, or on the internet.
One afternoon
I was sitting on the front porch smoking a cigarette and wondering
how it’s possible that the speed of light could always be constant,
no matter what velocity the observer is moving at. It seemed so
strange, it didn’t make any physical sense to me. Something clicked
in my brain, I realised time must slow with velocity so that
nothing can break the speed of light! “Holy shit!” I said, “Planet
of the Apes was right!” I thought the thing about time slowing with
velocity was just some bullshit they made up for the movie, I
didn’t realise it was Einstein (they credit it to “Dr H a slov” in the movie). I realised
that if time slows with velocity, my universe theory still works! I
was back! My obsession with ‘The Planet of the Apes’ had actually paid off!
That was weird, it's another of those instances of God putting
ideas inside my head without me actually realising it. You must
understand, in high school I spent many a lunch time reciting
monologues from ‘The Planet of the Apes’ with Charlton Heston. I
loved that movie, I'd always loved monologues in the old movies,
but that movie was particularly good for monologues because none of
the other humans can talk, so Charlton Heston spends most of the
movie doing monologues. I didn't realise it at the time of course,
but God had been trying to tell me about time dilation by making me
obsessed with ‘The Planet of the Apes.’ Just like how being in a
group called Team Tron kept reminding me of the black hole in the
3D Simpsons episode. That's pretty cool.
Back to
Contents
Chapter 3
“ Behold, I will
create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be
remembered, nor will they come to mind”
[Isaiah 65:17]
I looked at my
life, and I realised that I had nothing left. I had given up on my
Messianic delusions, my engineering career was over. All I had was
this shitty job at Coles, but I did have a theory of the universe
that no one else has ever thought of. I decided it was time to
learn about physics, to teach myself about space. I realised that
the theory of Relativity was wrong because of this whole dark
matter thing I’d read about.
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