how I feel about you, but I don’t know what to say.” His voice is soft making him sound a million times smaller than he is.
“How do you feel about me, then?”
I close my eyes and pray I don’t regret asking him. In the next five seconds, he might shatter my heart into a million pieces. It’s happened before, but never at the words of a man who’s held my heart so gently. I love Blake… more than I should.
“I love you, Charlie. You know that. I shouldn’t have to tell you.”
That was too easy. Opening my eyes, I take him in. He’s put back on a good portion of the weight he dropped in New York. He’s still staring at the pool, avoiding looking in my direction. He looks like he’s relaxed. That’s when I see he’s still curling his hands into fists. He’s lying to me.
“Love me how? Be specific,” I demand.
“You’re my best friend.”
That’s what I thought. Something has changed in the last few months, not just his appearance. Something else happened.
“Who is she?”
“What?” he asks, his head whipping in my direction in shock.
“Who. Is. She.”
“I heard you,” he says, the volume of his voice rising to match mine.
“Then tell me her name. I know there’s someone else, Blake. Did you meet her in New York? Is she one of the models?”
“No!”
“No, she’s not one of the models or, no, you’re not going to tell me?”
“She’s not one of the models.”
“I knew it. You’ve been home for almost two weeks, we’ve spent all this time together, yet you never once mentioned her. Why?”
He doesn’t respond for a few minutes, and I give him the time he needs to process everything that’s just happened. I’m guessing he thought he wouldn’t have to say anything to me until he was back at school. He didn’t want to break the news to me in person. What a chicken shit!
“I love you, Charlie, that’s why. No matter who I date or how much time we spend apart, I’ll always love you. I knew you would react this way, so I didn’t tell you.”
“So… that’s it then? We’re over before we’ve even begun?” I ask as I stand, wrapping my towel around my waist.
“Wait. Don’t leave angry with me, Charlie. Please.”
“What do you want me to say? I’m angry. I wasted my entire summer and most of the last year hoping for this”—I motion between us—“to go somewhere. You take a trip for two months and come back with a girlfriend, and I’m left in the dust. You knew I’d be angry. You knew this would hurt me.”
“It’s just… we can’t be together right now. You’re still in school, and I’m—”
“An adult. Right. How could I forget? Maybe someday, right? When I grow up.”
Turning to leave, I’m about to exit the gate when I swear I hear Blake say something. I look over my shoulder, but he’s already gone.
BLAKE’S COMING HOME today, and I’m torn about whether I want to see him or not. Judy called to let me know she’s picking him up at noon. I was surprised she called until I realized she must not be aware that it’s been four months since we last spoke. I’m sure Blake neglected to mention to his mother he screwed up.
As the car pulls into the driveway, I take a step back from the window, not wanting Blake to see me watching for him. His head pops up over the roof of the car moments later, a huge grin on his face. Shielding the sun with his hand over his eyes, Blake looks in my direction, but I’m certain he can’t see me. Until he waves, that is.
I turn tail and head upstairs to my room. He’ll show up eventually.
He looked happy. In fact, he looked more like the Blake I used to know and love than he has since he left for college. The look on his face, especially his beaming smile, reminds me of the one I saw so often the summer after he graduated. So many things have changed since then. He’s changed. I’ve changed, though not as much as him. We lead different lives in different cities.
Being young and naive, I
“How do you feel about me, then?”
I close my eyes and pray I don’t regret asking him. In the next five seconds, he might shatter my heart into a million pieces. It’s happened before, but never at the words of a man who’s held my heart so gently. I love Blake… more than I should.
“I love you, Charlie. You know that. I shouldn’t have to tell you.”
That was too easy. Opening my eyes, I take him in. He’s put back on a good portion of the weight he dropped in New York. He’s still staring at the pool, avoiding looking in my direction. He looks like he’s relaxed. That’s when I see he’s still curling his hands into fists. He’s lying to me.
“Love me how? Be specific,” I demand.
“You’re my best friend.”
That’s what I thought. Something has changed in the last few months, not just his appearance. Something else happened.
“Who is she?”
“What?” he asks, his head whipping in my direction in shock.
“Who. Is. She.”
“I heard you,” he says, the volume of his voice rising to match mine.
“Then tell me her name. I know there’s someone else, Blake. Did you meet her in New York? Is she one of the models?”
“No!”
“No, she’s not one of the models or, no, you’re not going to tell me?”
“She’s not one of the models.”
“I knew it. You’ve been home for almost two weeks, we’ve spent all this time together, yet you never once mentioned her. Why?”
He doesn’t respond for a few minutes, and I give him the time he needs to process everything that’s just happened. I’m guessing he thought he wouldn’t have to say anything to me until he was back at school. He didn’t want to break the news to me in person. What a chicken shit!
“I love you, Charlie, that’s why. No matter who I date or how much time we spend apart, I’ll always love you. I knew you would react this way, so I didn’t tell you.”
“So… that’s it then? We’re over before we’ve even begun?” I ask as I stand, wrapping my towel around my waist.
“Wait. Don’t leave angry with me, Charlie. Please.”
“What do you want me to say? I’m angry. I wasted my entire summer and most of the last year hoping for this”—I motion between us—“to go somewhere. You take a trip for two months and come back with a girlfriend, and I’m left in the dust. You knew I’d be angry. You knew this would hurt me.”
“It’s just… we can’t be together right now. You’re still in school, and I’m—”
“An adult. Right. How could I forget? Maybe someday, right? When I grow up.”
Turning to leave, I’m about to exit the gate when I swear I hear Blake say something. I look over my shoulder, but he’s already gone.
BLAKE’S COMING HOME today, and I’m torn about whether I want to see him or not. Judy called to let me know she’s picking him up at noon. I was surprised she called until I realized she must not be aware that it’s been four months since we last spoke. I’m sure Blake neglected to mention to his mother he screwed up.
As the car pulls into the driveway, I take a step back from the window, not wanting Blake to see me watching for him. His head pops up over the roof of the car moments later, a huge grin on his face. Shielding the sun with his hand over his eyes, Blake looks in my direction, but I’m certain he can’t see me. Until he waves, that is.
I turn tail and head upstairs to my room. He’ll show up eventually.
He looked happy. In fact, he looked more like the Blake I used to know and love than he has since he left for college. The look on his face, especially his beaming smile, reminds me of the one I saw so often the summer after he graduated. So many things have changed since then. He’s changed. I’ve changed, though not as much as him. We lead different lives in different cities.
Being young and naive, I
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