Law and Disorder by Tim Kevan Page B

response.
    â€˜This case might be piffling to you, My Lord, but,’ he paused for effect, ‘I can hardly say the same for my client, who has a wife and five children to feed on a salary which is less than a fifth that of a high court judge. Nor, I am bound to say, do I think the higher courts would find it, as you say,’ he licked his lips, savouring the moment, ‘piffling.’
    The judge was lost for words. A careful man, not usually prone to losing his temper, he was also sufficiently honest to admit defeat, and we all saw him visibly crumple, his hands on the bench and shoulders hunched. Without giving any further time for a response, OldSmoothie continued, ‘Of course, I’m sure such intemperate remarks were not intended and that we may still be able to proceed without any prejudice.’
    The judge was snookered. If he passed the case to another judge, he would have to give a good reason and his remark would be exposed and if he continued and found against OldSmoothie’s client, he would be appealed. So he took the only other option available and OldSmoothie returned victorious.
    On the way back, OldSmoothie said to me, ‘You’ve got UpTights as your pupilmistress in April, haven’t you?’
    â€˜That’s right. Why?’
    â€˜Good luck is all I’ll say. That woman’s got more edges than a broken [chamber] pot.’
    Monday 27 November 2006
    Day 41 (week 9): Ultimatum
    â€˜Mr BabyBarista.’
    I recognised the voice immediately as belonging to the manager of the loan company whose debt I had agreed to take on last month. We’d been in touch several times in the previous few weeks finalising the contract, which was all signed off last Wednesday.
    â€˜Speaking.’
    â€˜I discovered something very interesting at the weekend, you know.’
    â€˜Oh, yes?’
    â€˜Just a little get-together for the Round Table but by complete coincidence one of the couples mentioned that their daughter had just finished her pupillage last year and is currently unemployed. Very high-risk year, they tell me.’
    â€˜Ah, well, I see, well . . .’
    â€˜Which is not what you led me to believe.’
    I was stumped. In my panic to get my mother out of trouble last month I’d dug the hole even deeper.
    â€˜Let me cut to the chase, Mr BabyBarista. It seems to me that you’re my only option of getting any money out of the loan I should never have made to your mother, so let’s put it like this. Get the tenancy, pay back the loan and everything will be forgotten.’
    â€˜Yes, thank you. Thank you very much, yes . . .’ I was all over the place.
    â€˜But, Mr BabyBarista, if that doesn’t happen, not only will I be handing your mother’s name over to the police, I shall be doing the same with yours as well as contacting your professional body. Good day.’
    With which he put down the phone. I really need to get this tenancy.
    Wednesday 29 November 2006
    Day 43 (week 9): Showdown
    On the face of it barristers employ their clerks, so strictly they are the bosses. But you’d never guess it to watch TheBoss and HeadClerk in action. For all his arrogance and pomposity, he is humility itself when HeadClerk walks through the door. This was particularly apparent when HeadClerk came round today.
    â€˜Time for a quick word, Sir?’ There was an unusually pointed tone to the way he said ‘Sir’ which didn’t bode well.
    â€˜Of course. Come in. Have a seat.’
    â€˜Actually, I won’t if you don’t mind. Bit of a rush today.’ Ouch.
    â€˜So how can I help?’ asked TheBoss.
    â€˜Just had a bit of an awkward conversation, Sir, with the senior partner of that firm you did the accident on a ship for.’
    â€˜Oh, yes?’ TheBoss tried to look relaxed but couldn’t help folding his arms and taking his feet off the table.
    â€˜Seems they didn’t receive an advice you say you