Les Norton and the Case of the Talking Pie Crust by Robert G. Barrett Page A

adrenalin kicked in and he dropped the plastic bag and made a frantic leap to the right a split second before the bloke pulled the trigger and blasted a hole in the wall next to the hallway. The man swung the shotgun around and fired again, missing Les, but blowing a burner and the pot boiling on top of it across the room.
    His eyes darting around the room, Les noticed a glass container half full of fuming liquid sitting on a table next to a whirling fan. Before Ponytail could pull the trigger again, Les snatched it upand threw the contents in Ponytail’s face, making him scream, drop the shotgun and start tearing wildly at his eyes. Les flung the glass container aside, then picked the shotgun up by the barrel and swung the butt around, straight across Ponytail’s face, smashing his fingers and all his front teeth. Ponytail fell back against the wall and Les clubbed him over the head with the shotgun, then kept clubbing him until Ponytail slumped to the floor, covered in blood.
    Les lowered the shotgun and gave Ponytail a light kick in the ribs. He didn’t move. Les gave him another, and again he didn’t move. Les suddenly noticed the blood and hair all over the gun butt. Shit. I hope I haven’t killed him, he thought. Ahh, fuck it. Too bad if I have. Les dumped the shotgun in the man’s lap then picked up the plastic bag from where he’d dropped it and slipped the green bag inside, feeling the film script and the little books of cartoons as he did. He had a last look around then stepped into the hallway.
    Micah was still crawling painfully around the bloodied floor muttering to himself. Les stepped around him and as he did, Micah made a desperate grab for Norton’s leg and tried to bite him.
    ‘I’ll kill you, you cunt,’ he spluttered through his torn and broken mouth. ‘I’ll fuckin kill you.’
    ‘Ohh, why don’t you get fucked.’ Not feeling the best after almost getting blasted with a shotgun, Les stepped back and kicked Micah hard in the mouth, smashing several more teeth. ‘Now shut the fuck up, you pain in the arse,’ ordered Les, before kicking Micah in the face again.
    ‘Ohhrrghhh. You gunt,’ mumbled Micah, trying desperately to raise his battered and bleeding head. ‘I’ll gill you. I’ll gill you. Grrhhggh. Ahgrrhh. Ohhhrrhh,’ he garbled in frustration.
    ‘Ohh, go fuck yourself.’
    Les opened the front door and started to leave when he noticed a flicker of blue flame in the loungeroom. He meant to stop. But before Les knew it, he’d stepped outside onto the verandah and closed the door behind him. A worried look appeared on Norton’s face. Shit. I hope the place isn’t about to catch on fire. Noticing a silver Ford parked in the carport, Les walked over to have a look down the side passage when the sound of a dull explosion came from inside the house, and the room at the end of the hallway burst into flames. Les ran back to the front door when there was a louder explosion followed by another that blew the side windows out.
    ‘Oh shit!’ exclaimed Les. He was about to kick the door in when a ball of fire framed in the stained glass at the top, came roaring up the hallway. Les stepped back and shook his head. ‘Sorry fellahs,’ he said. ‘You’re on your own.’
    Les walked smartly back to his car, opened the front door and threw the bag on the passenger seat just as a violent explosion racked the house, blowing away the guttering and sending a hail of roof tiles clattering onto the houses either side and into the street. Les got behind the wheel, started the car and drove off, not turning the lights on till he reached Warners Avenue. By the time he got there, a quick glance in the rear-vision mirror showed the house completely engulfed in bright red flames that lit up the street and sent showers of sparks spiralling into the night sky.
    Les returned home via Old South Head Road and came down O’Brien Street past Menny’s pizza shop. He hooked into Cox Avenue, then pulled up in