Letting Go of Disappointments and Painful Losses by Pam Vredevelt Page A

betrayed me.
    I felt nothing. But I did what I knew God had told me to do months before. I prayed for them and released them into God’s hands. I decided that from that day forward it wasn’t my job to set them straight or to make them pay. Their wrongs were between them and God. My energies were going to be focused on my own health and the well-being of my children.
    To this day I have moments when the past, with all of its hurts and memories of failure, sweeps in like a raging river and leaves me gasping for air. I visit the pain every so often, but I no longer live in it. I am now one of thosestories of hope that I used to read about while consumed with anger.
    I’m convinced that nothing will kill a woman’s spirit faster than holding on to resentment. And nothing will dissolve bitterness more effectively than choosing to let go and forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t come easily, and believing it does will likely ensure that we never forgive. If we call a spade a spade, forgiveness is often unattainable from a human standpoint. But when you factor in the divine, all things are possible. God can supernaturally empower us to release our death grip on rage and let it go. We simply have to say,
God, I’m willing to be made willing.
    I told the Lord several years ago that I was willing. And from then on I began to sense that God was touched by my pain, that He had taken up my cause, and that He held both me and Doug in His hands. He would have the final say in both of our lives. Eventually I embraced the peace that only God could give. The pain of abandonment will probably never go away, because we suffered many severe losses. But the girls and I have moved on with our lives, and while we grieve our losses, we are no longer controlled by them. There is life beyond Doug. And it’s a good life, blessed by God.
    If we want to snip the soul ties that keep us in bondage …
    If we want to take back the dignity that has been stolen from us …
    If we want God to heal the holes in our souls …
    If we want to douse the flames of bitter revenge …
    If we want something good to come out of something very, very bad …
    … we must take the steps of healing. 3
    We must recognize that what is, is and not avoid or rationalize away our losses. We must relinquish control to God with full awareness that He is God and we are not. And we must experience and release our feelings. Feeling is healing.
    Life requires us to let go, over and over and over again. Letting go doesn’t eliminate our loss, but it reduces unnecessary suffering. As we do our part, God will
always
do His. When we release our grip and open our hands to Him, we give Him a new place to deposit whatever we need to move us forward in our healing.
    Pain and pleasure are opposites: when you share grief, you decrease it; when you share joy, you increase it.
    A NONYMOUS

C HAPTER S EVEN
R EVISIT
THE
B ASICS

    I BUCKLED MYSELF INTO THE SEAT, GLANCED OUT THE window of the plane, and checked my watch. So far, so good. Wewere departing on schedule. The flight attendant welcomed usaboard and gave the usual instructions. “In the event that thecabin loses pressure, an oxygen mask will fall from the compartmentabove you. Slip the mask over your nose and mouthand breath normally. If you are traveling with children, or someoneis seated next to you who needs help, put your own maskon first and then help others.”
    I had heard the statement hundreds of times before, but this time something about it struck a dissonant chord in me. The thought crossed my mind that my natural reaction wouldbe to want to help my children first. No doubt that’s why theygive the instructions. The authorities are well aware of a parent’sinstinct to protect, and they also know that a child requires lessoxygen than an adult. If adults pass out from oxygen deprivation, they aren’t going to be of any help to children.
    Now and then I observe a paradox among those whoserve others: caretakers who don’t