phones?”
“Yes.”
“Excellent. Do you have smart phones that take video well?”
“Yeah, see right—”
“Fantastic. I would like two of your best smart phones, with unlimited data.”
“Okay…do you want—”
“Them now? Yes.”
“Um…”
“Now’s the part where you move. You could also tell me how much I owe you.”
“I…”
At this point I stepped in, “Excuse me, I speak nerd.”
Anka just stared at me with the same glare that polo-McMoobs had been enduring. I rolled my eyes and sighed in a mockery of her mannerism.
“Hey,” I leaned forward to read his name tag, “Daryl, we’re not trying to be difficult. We just need some phones that do video. We went on one of those jet-boat rides in the Willamette and both of our phones got soaked. We’re just finishing up our vacation here and we want to be able to take some video to send back home. My new wife over there is upset that we’re missing out on precious time that we could be using to do something else. You know how it is, they always want to do stuff, they’re never content to just relax. Am I right?”
I pulled up Anka’s flirting smile that she used on me at Powell’s. It felt a little weird on my face, but it worked on Daryl. He visibly relaxed and started moving toward the locked cupboard behind his stool.
“Which phones do you want? Do you like Apple, Android or Windows?”
“Daryl, I want whatever you think is best. You’re the professional. I trust you to not steer us wrong.”
I saw his back stiffen a bit with the compliment. He rummaged through the cupboard for a moment before producing two boxes.
“Here you go. These are the latest and greatest, but what’s really good for you is the screen is huge. Your videos will look great and the camera does 1080p so everyone else will love the stuff you post. It’s on the new, high-speed data network with unlimited usage. No caps or throttling. You’ll love it.”
“Thanks Daryl, you just saved my honeymoon.”
He smiled, activated the phones and gave the total.
“You heard the man darling,” I turned to Anka with bravado, “pay him.”
Her face had a look of shock mixed with annoyance, wonder and something like amusement. Anka paid for the phones and collected the bag from Daryl as we walked away.
“Thanks man,” I threw back over my shoulder, “have a good one.” Then to Anka I said, “We should head over to the food court and find an outlet where we can charge the phones up. Plus I want a pretzel.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“I know, but they’re hard to resist when you smell them baking. It’s pretty good marketing on their part. It makes me wonder why they don’t have a microwave popcorn kiosk in the mall. I can’t smell that stuff without wanting a whole bag.”
She sighed again. I thought I was past this. I didn’t know how many more man-points I could lose before she would just put me in a stroller and give me a blankie.
“No, not the pretzel, the phones. Charging the phones is a good idea.”
“Oh, thanks. So you don’t want a pretzel?”
Anka started to sigh again, but as she drew in the breath necessary to exhale away my manliness, she paused. She turned to me with the dimples showing and a mischievous look in her eyes.
“I’d love a pretzel. Cinnamon-sugar.”
She walked away from me with her proud, hypnotic strut. I had to tear my eyes away from the back of her pants to locate the source of the wafting smell of baked prayer-bread. With my bready treats in hand I joined her at the table farthest from anyone else. She already had the phones out and charging as I sat down.
“So, how did you learn to negotiate like that?” Anka asked me.
“What do you mean negotiate? I was just nice to the guy.”
“You stepped in when it was obvious that my tactics weren’t working. You closed the deal when I was failing. How did you learn to do that? I was trained in this.”
“They trained you to do that ?”
“What? What’s
“Yes.”
“Excellent. Do you have smart phones that take video well?”
“Yeah, see right—”
“Fantastic. I would like two of your best smart phones, with unlimited data.”
“Okay…do you want—”
“Them now? Yes.”
“Um…”
“Now’s the part where you move. You could also tell me how much I owe you.”
“I…”
At this point I stepped in, “Excuse me, I speak nerd.”
Anka just stared at me with the same glare that polo-McMoobs had been enduring. I rolled my eyes and sighed in a mockery of her mannerism.
“Hey,” I leaned forward to read his name tag, “Daryl, we’re not trying to be difficult. We just need some phones that do video. We went on one of those jet-boat rides in the Willamette and both of our phones got soaked. We’re just finishing up our vacation here and we want to be able to take some video to send back home. My new wife over there is upset that we’re missing out on precious time that we could be using to do something else. You know how it is, they always want to do stuff, they’re never content to just relax. Am I right?”
I pulled up Anka’s flirting smile that she used on me at Powell’s. It felt a little weird on my face, but it worked on Daryl. He visibly relaxed and started moving toward the locked cupboard behind his stool.
“Which phones do you want? Do you like Apple, Android or Windows?”
“Daryl, I want whatever you think is best. You’re the professional. I trust you to not steer us wrong.”
I saw his back stiffen a bit with the compliment. He rummaged through the cupboard for a moment before producing two boxes.
“Here you go. These are the latest and greatest, but what’s really good for you is the screen is huge. Your videos will look great and the camera does 1080p so everyone else will love the stuff you post. It’s on the new, high-speed data network with unlimited usage. No caps or throttling. You’ll love it.”
“Thanks Daryl, you just saved my honeymoon.”
He smiled, activated the phones and gave the total.
“You heard the man darling,” I turned to Anka with bravado, “pay him.”
Her face had a look of shock mixed with annoyance, wonder and something like amusement. Anka paid for the phones and collected the bag from Daryl as we walked away.
“Thanks man,” I threw back over my shoulder, “have a good one.” Then to Anka I said, “We should head over to the food court and find an outlet where we can charge the phones up. Plus I want a pretzel.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“I know, but they’re hard to resist when you smell them baking. It’s pretty good marketing on their part. It makes me wonder why they don’t have a microwave popcorn kiosk in the mall. I can’t smell that stuff without wanting a whole bag.”
She sighed again. I thought I was past this. I didn’t know how many more man-points I could lose before she would just put me in a stroller and give me a blankie.
“No, not the pretzel, the phones. Charging the phones is a good idea.”
“Oh, thanks. So you don’t want a pretzel?”
Anka started to sigh again, but as she drew in the breath necessary to exhale away my manliness, she paused. She turned to me with the dimples showing and a mischievous look in her eyes.
“I’d love a pretzel. Cinnamon-sugar.”
She walked away from me with her proud, hypnotic strut. I had to tear my eyes away from the back of her pants to locate the source of the wafting smell of baked prayer-bread. With my bready treats in hand I joined her at the table farthest from anyone else. She already had the phones out and charging as I sat down.
“So, how did you learn to negotiate like that?” Anka asked me.
“What do you mean negotiate? I was just nice to the guy.”
“You stepped in when it was obvious that my tactics weren’t working. You closed the deal when I was failing. How did you learn to do that? I was trained in this.”
“They trained you to do that ?”
“What? What’s
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