and I can work out something safe." I grinned
at her. "Rule number two."
Lila clapped her hands and yipped.
"You remembered."
"Well, I saw your rules on the
back of my bedroom door."
"Good for you."
I played with the key dangling from
my neck. It was gold colored and shiny new.
"That's to the front
door," she said. "If you misplace that one, there's another hidden by
the cat door. Come, I'll show you."
So that's how the cats appeared and
disappeared all the time! They had plastic flaps where they could go into the
garage from the kitchen and from the garage to outdoors.
Chloe and Zoe were free to come and
go whenever they wanted. Apparently I was too.
Suddenly, for the first time since
I'd left home, I missed my mother. My heart ached with longing for her. I clutched
my chest, afraid I was having a heart attack.
When we got back indoors, I asked
if I could call my mom.
"Of course. Call her any time
night or day. And call your friends too. Invite them to come here. This is your
home as long as you want to stay."
At that moment, all I wanted was my
own mother, not this new grandma who gave me too much too fast. I was sick with
possibilities.
Lila put an extension phone in my
little bedroom so I would have privacy. My mom answered on the first ring,
which surprised me. Ten in the morning and she was out of bed?
"Mom, it's me, Sandy," I
said.
"Baby, are you okay? Is
something wrong?"
"Can I come home?" I
said.
"What happened? Are you
hurt?"
"No, I'm okay," I said,
but then I started crying, and I was so mad at myself for being such a big baby
that I hit myself hard on the leg.
"What's wrong, Sandy. I
thought you would like it there. Did Lila upset you?"
"No, Mom. She's nice. I miss
you is all. I love you."
"I love you too, baby. You
know that."
My homesickness left as suddenly as
it had arrived. I only needed to hear my mom say she loved me. "How come
you're up so early? Did you have last night off?"
"No, I worked. Roger's taking
me to lunch, so I got up in time to get ready."
"Oh. Roger."
"Now don't start that. We're
friends. He's sweet, really. He has an old fashioned idea about long
courtships. Women give up too much when they try to be equal in
everything."
"Are you sober?" It came
out harsher than I'd intended, but I let it sit there. Impeccably honest.
"Yes, Sandy, I haven't had a
drink since you left. Almost five days now."
It really bothered me that she
connected my leaving with her not needing alcohol any more. "That's good,
Mom."
"Well, baby, if you're sure
you're okay, I need to get ready."
"I'm fine. Really. I only
needed to hear your voice."
"That's really sweet, Sandy.
Love you."
"Love you, Mom." I heard
the click of her phone and the homesickness came back again, but I knew that
the ache in my heart couldn't be cured by going back. My heart ached for something
besides the mother I knew. Maybe I needed to call my spirit home. "Cassandra,"
I whispered to myself.
I stood up and looked in the oval
mirror on the wall above the dresser. My hair was frizzier than usual and stood
out in all directions like a lion's mane. The key necklace hung around my neck.
"Cassandra." I tried to make the name fit the image looking back at
me.
While I was trying to look into my
eyes the way I'd peered into Lila's eyes when we'd talked on the beach steps
the first morning, Lila's rule number seven came to mind, Choose happiness
here now. I smiled at myself, made prayer hands, and bowed to the God in
me. "Namaste, Cassandra. Namaste."
Then I called Shelly. She told me
all about her crazy cousins and their water skiing on the lake. She had bikini
lines and there were cute boys to flirt with.
I told her about being banished to
the wilderness, the bus trip, and how much I loved the jade journal she gave
me.
"The Oregon Coast is like
winter in Sacramento," I said.
"Yuck," she said. "What's
there to do?"
"There's a beach with
beautiful shells and some shops you might like. I haven't seen them yet, but
Lila
at her. "Rule number two."
Lila clapped her hands and yipped.
"You remembered."
"Well, I saw your rules on the
back of my bedroom door."
"Good for you."
I played with the key dangling from
my neck. It was gold colored and shiny new.
"That's to the front
door," she said. "If you misplace that one, there's another hidden by
the cat door. Come, I'll show you."
So that's how the cats appeared and
disappeared all the time! They had plastic flaps where they could go into the
garage from the kitchen and from the garage to outdoors.
Chloe and Zoe were free to come and
go whenever they wanted. Apparently I was too.
Suddenly, for the first time since
I'd left home, I missed my mother. My heart ached with longing for her. I clutched
my chest, afraid I was having a heart attack.
When we got back indoors, I asked
if I could call my mom.
"Of course. Call her any time
night or day. And call your friends too. Invite them to come here. This is your
home as long as you want to stay."
At that moment, all I wanted was my
own mother, not this new grandma who gave me too much too fast. I was sick with
possibilities.
Lila put an extension phone in my
little bedroom so I would have privacy. My mom answered on the first ring,
which surprised me. Ten in the morning and she was out of bed?
"Mom, it's me, Sandy," I
said.
"Baby, are you okay? Is
something wrong?"
"Can I come home?" I
said.
"What happened? Are you
hurt?"
"No, I'm okay," I said,
but then I started crying, and I was so mad at myself for being such a big baby
that I hit myself hard on the leg.
"What's wrong, Sandy. I
thought you would like it there. Did Lila upset you?"
"No, Mom. She's nice. I miss
you is all. I love you."
"I love you too, baby. You
know that."
My homesickness left as suddenly as
it had arrived. I only needed to hear my mom say she loved me. "How come
you're up so early? Did you have last night off?"
"No, I worked. Roger's taking
me to lunch, so I got up in time to get ready."
"Oh. Roger."
"Now don't start that. We're
friends. He's sweet, really. He has an old fashioned idea about long
courtships. Women give up too much when they try to be equal in
everything."
"Are you sober?" It came
out harsher than I'd intended, but I let it sit there. Impeccably honest.
"Yes, Sandy, I haven't had a
drink since you left. Almost five days now."
It really bothered me that she
connected my leaving with her not needing alcohol any more. "That's good,
Mom."
"Well, baby, if you're sure
you're okay, I need to get ready."
"I'm fine. Really. I only
needed to hear your voice."
"That's really sweet, Sandy.
Love you."
"Love you, Mom." I heard
the click of her phone and the homesickness came back again, but I knew that
the ache in my heart couldn't be cured by going back. My heart ached for something
besides the mother I knew. Maybe I needed to call my spirit home. "Cassandra,"
I whispered to myself.
I stood up and looked in the oval
mirror on the wall above the dresser. My hair was frizzier than usual and stood
out in all directions like a lion's mane. The key necklace hung around my neck.
"Cassandra." I tried to make the name fit the image looking back at
me.
While I was trying to look into my
eyes the way I'd peered into Lila's eyes when we'd talked on the beach steps
the first morning, Lila's rule number seven came to mind, Choose happiness
here now. I smiled at myself, made prayer hands, and bowed to the God in
me. "Namaste, Cassandra. Namaste."
Then I called Shelly. She told me
all about her crazy cousins and their water skiing on the lake. She had bikini
lines and there were cute boys to flirt with.
I told her about being banished to
the wilderness, the bus trip, and how much I loved the jade journal she gave
me.
"The Oregon Coast is like
winter in Sacramento," I said.
"Yuck," she said. "What's
there to do?"
"There's a beach with
beautiful shells and some shops you might like. I haven't seen them yet, but
Lila
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